Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rent from partner - what is reasonable?

70 replies

Olivia11 · 20/07/2017 00:03

My DP and I are planning to move in together in September. His preference would have been for me to leave my flat (which I own) and to rent a house together but we have agreed that initially he will move into my flat and we will reassess after 6 months. I think this makes sense for both of us as it gives us flexibility if things go wrong between us (which I hope they won't!) but it was really my decision.

We have not yet had a discussion about how finances will work when he moves in. Obviously I am expecting that we will split gas/electricity/increased council tax. But I don't really know what to suggest on my fixed bills and on rent. I don't really mind if he pays me or not - I am comfortably off and my costs won't increase as a result of him moving in. I quite like the fact that my flat is mine and I can see that maybe he would resent contributing to my mortgage when it wasn't his choice to live in my flat. On the other hand, it doesn't seem quite right that I would pay all of our living costs, particularly given that he earns considerably more than me. Whilst I don't need the money, it would of course be helpful - occasionally he wants to have extravagant meals out etc., which I cannot comfortably afford (sometimes I rein him in and sometimes I accept his offers to pay). Would it be reasonable to ask him to contribute about half market rate? This is a lot less than he is paying in rent at the moment and would cover about a quarter of my mortgage each month. Or should I just leave it and assume that if things do work out we'll share finances anyway and if they don't then I am lucky to be secure in my flat and not have to move etc.?

I do of course appreciate that we are both very fortunate and that this is a nice problem to have but I would genuinely welcome views on what is reasonable here. I'm conscious this sounds a bit glass half empty - I do think things will work out between us but, having seen my DM go through a terrible divorce and suffer financially, I just want to make sure that I have thought about things in advance.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 20/07/2017 00:06

This is an issue that's come up again and again here. You'll get people saying you shouldn't charge any rent, but I can't see why he should live rent free. I'm not sure I'd ever go for a man who wanted to do that, either.

I think you definitely should have something from him, particularly as he's a higher earner. I think perhaps 2/3rds of the rent he would be paying otherwise?

HoneyIshrunktheBiscuit · 20/07/2017 00:06

If you are paying a mortgage he should pay rent - especially if you feel the flat will go towards any property you choose to buy together in the future

GirlOnATrainToShite · 20/07/2017 00:09

Charge him half of everything.

thebigbluedustbin · 20/07/2017 00:10

If you have a mortgage, then he pays half. He should be paying half of all house-related outgoings.

TractorTedTed · 20/07/2017 00:11

We had a similar situation, but in reverse. I moved in with dh (then boyfriend)

I just put the money I had been spending on rent in a savings account.
Then when we came to buy somewhere bigger together, we had a nice chunk of money saved up for fees, moving costs, decorating the new place etc.

It worked really well for us.

HiJenny35 · 20/07/2017 00:12

It wouldn't be unreasonable however I wouldn't.
You are already paying the mortgage so him moving in isn't actually costing you anymore.
I would say half of all the utility bill and he should pay the full 25% increase on the council tax and maybe all the food but I would say something like could you put half the mortgage/rental rate into a savings account that could be used as a deposit if things work out or maybe as the joint holiday fund? Be Careful that if he ends up living with you for some time and you ask him to pay towards the mortgage he does actually end up with some rights over being asked to leave so why muddy the waters. It's your flat, you are paying for it, he's staying but pays for what he uses only. Also I do think it's a bit unfair that he would be basically paying off your mortgage and have nothing to show for it if you threw him out.

indigox · 20/07/2017 00:14

50% of the mortgage, council tax and all utilities. There's absolutely no reason why he should be paying any less than that.

Also I do think it's a bit unfair that he would be basically paying off your mortgage and have nothing to show for it if you threw him out.

Alternatively he could be renting and paying off a landlord's mortgage and he'd have nothing to show when they throw him out.

ImperialBlether · 20/07/2017 00:29

He really can't argue against paying towards your mortgage when he was happy to pay a landlord's mortgage.

5OBalesofHay · 20/07/2017 00:34

HiJenney gives wise advice. If he pays towards the mortgage he could end up with a stake on your flat if it doesn't work. Ask him to pay for all the fun things maybe

Katiekatie37 · 20/07/2017 00:36

I don't see why he shouldn't pay half of everything , yes you can afford it alone but why shouldn't he? It would probably still be way less than him living in private rental with bills on top.

CWG17 · 20/07/2017 00:38

I would ask for rent, being half of market rent for the area as well as half the bills.

Or add all that up and call it lodging fees and he pays a set amount each month.

If he baulks at paying then don't move him in, although if he's happy to rent elsewhere it doesn't sound like that would be an issue.

worridmum · 20/07/2017 01:17

I dont get Mumsnet its fine to change male partners rent / half morgage fees but if a man dares asks for rent/ paying half the moragae he is totally unreasonable ?

Why should the OP be the only one to benifet? shes getting the morgage paid and extra cash and taking advantage bills / food fine 50/50 is fine but paying rent at half market rate (most likely morgage is far less) is simply the OP profiteering and if my partner suggested half market rate i would tell them to stick it at a push 1/3 of morgage payment is ok i guess

worridmum · 20/07/2017 01:21

for example in my area my morage for my house is £700 pcm but rent for same properoty is £1100 so if he paid 50% of market rate he would be paying around 80% of the morgage and if i were to charge my partner 50% of market rate it would be pure profiteering

Savelli · 20/07/2017 01:25

If your mortgage is double what the market rent would be I assume you have a huge mortgage- is this correct?

Don't set the precedent of him paying for bills only. It's not good especially if he earns a lot more than you. If he's agreed to move into your place (I assume you didn't hold a gun to his head?) he needs to pay half of everything including the mortgage. It's irrelevant it's your mortgage, it's less rent than he's been paying.

MommaGee · 20/07/2017 01:30

He clearly needs to pay half of all the bills.

Re rent could you put what he's currently paying into a JOINT savings account and use that as money to do up the new place? If you split, you split the money.

Somerville · 20/07/2017 01:48

So he earns significantly more than you, but he's in rented and you've managed to buy?
That would bug me more than the details like whether he should pay you rent, TBH.

When does he want to buy? What does he do with all his spare earnings? Why would he even suggest the two of you renting together when you already own a home? Make sure you work out the answers to questions like these, to ensure you have the same financial and life goals. If you do, then it will be easier to find a short-term solution to the inequity once he moves in. I think I'd favour opening a joint bank account, into which he pays an equivalent amount to your mortgage each month. Then when you're ready to buy there is a lump sum to increase the deposit. If you split in the meantime you can split the money.

Jenny70 · 20/07/2017 01:48

Your mortgage might not be equivalent to rental in the area, depending on how big or small your mortgage is and how much you are repaying. Our mortgage is big and we are paying over the min in order to get it paid off before we are ancient, but that then wouldn't be a fair rental estimate.

I would assess what rental I would be able to get for my place, as a starting point. In theory, if you were to move out together you'd be renting and paying half (you'd get rental on your place, but guess that is separate, just like his higher salary is separate consideration).

Then maybe look at bills and see roughly what they tally to. Maybe him paying all bills might be equivalent to half the rental, or adjust which bills he covers to be about half the rental? That way, you can pay what you like on your mortgage, but he contributes to living costs - so you have more available cash (which you can use for the mortgage or to splurge on nice things). He is living "rent free", you are living "bills free" a win-win, without too much complication if things don't work out.

And 6 months isn't a long time if one party feels they are getting worse end of the deal, you can reconfigure then, especially when deciding to move/rent etc.

jonunuyu · 20/07/2017 01:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Want2bSupermum · 20/07/2017 02:07

If I were you I would spend the money and speak to a lawyer about how you should set this up so your ownership of your home isn't affected by him moving in and paying towards the cost of the home.

CWG17 · 20/07/2017 02:09

I would give the same advice if it was a woman moving into the man's property.

sobeyondthehills · 20/07/2017 02:19

Maybe have a look at what a lodger would pay and half the costs and go for somewhere in between.

Carolinesbeanies · 20/07/2017 02:27

Set up an agreement.

This is really important as he will have a future claim on your home if you split up.

Heres a good diy site.

www.advicenow.org.uk/living-together

Also, notify your mortgage provider. They may need him to sign a document that will then give them the right to evict him as well as you if you default on your mortgage.

I cant stress how important this is, your current equity is at risk here unless he agrees in advance the level of equity you already own.

If he then agrees to 'rent', and you have a pre moving in agreement, then nothings at risk if you split.
Without it, arguing the toss about when he actually moved in, how much he donated towards what costs etc etc and what your home was worth when he first moved in, makes it almost impossible to defend against an action.

tangledup123 · 20/07/2017 02:28

If he's going to pay half the mortgage he should be put on the deeds, right? I mean that's the advice that's always given when a woman moves into her boyfriend's house.

Want2bSupermum · 20/07/2017 02:33

tangled no it's not the advice given. What happens is the woman moves in and is paying 50% of the cost without any benefit, often also paying 100% of the childcare. The man is then able to build up savings leaving the woman trapped. He then moves on and she is left with no savings, children to pay for and homeless.

Very very rarely is a man left in the same boat.

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/07/2017 02:41

You say you don't need him to contribute to the mortgage. How about setting up a joint bank account needing two signatures so neither of you can walk off with the money if it doesn't work out? That way he pays in the equivalent of the mortgage you are paying thus starting a small savings pot to put toward a house. Tbh I wouldn't want to hand over the investment capital in my flat without that part being protected if I were buying a house with a partner. So I'd want to take the next few months to find out how to ring fence your money in case you buy together and then ended up splitting.

Swipe left for the next trending thread