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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TO have shut the door in FiL's face...

38 replies

Mooey89 · 19/07/2017 19:24

I know IABU but I just need to offload

Just finished year long court proceedings with abusive exH.

Now have non mol order and live with order and some clear boundaried contact for exH to spend time with DS(4).

Part of this is pick up from nursery at 3:30 on a Wednesday, return home at 6:30.

All handovers are completed by third parties - PIL or uncle.
This is because of stalking, harassment, calling me a whore on doorstep in front of DS etc etc etc.

So this is first week of Wednesday afternoons (which I said weren't practical - FIL does cycling every Wednesday, EXH doesn't get home from work until 6, so MiL effectively doing all running around between our two cities (15 miles apart)

Anyway.

Fil arrives at door 30 minutes late. Says 'it really would be so much easier if you stopped all this ridiculousness and let Ex do handovers.'

Me: 'FIL, that is a really inappropriate request and I am not prepared to have him at my house' FIL:
'But you have 15 years to co parent with ex, you are making this really challenging for us, it's really difficult to sort this because you won't do-operate'

So i told him is son should have thought about that before strangling me and calling me a whore on the doorstep and there is a court order preventing it and he needed to leave my home now. THen I shut the door in his face Blush

I'm so annoyed that I let him get to me.

I should have acted more like a grown up but how unreasonable was I?!
FIL is a 74 year old man and I KNOW this is so disruptive for them but i raised that in court and FIL said they could manage it!

OP posts:
SuperPug · 19/07/2017 19:28

Bloody hell.
Sounds like he's in denial about having a complete and utter tool for a son...

Angelicinnocent · 19/07/2017 19:28

You were not at all, in any way unreasonable.

Their son is the problem and they need to take it up with him.

Pengggwn · 19/07/2017 19:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dinosaurkisses · 19/07/2017 19:29

Definitely not- in fact, you should be proud of yourself that you managed to think of a response that most of us would only come up with hours later in the shower!

PickAChew · 19/07/2017 19:30

You were perfectly reasonable.

DartmoorDoughnut · 19/07/2017 19:33

You sound entirely reasonable

ChasedByBees · 19/07/2017 19:35

It was fine. I assume he knew these details already?

Original poster
Mooey89 · 19/07/2017 19:35

Oh yeah, he knows. He doesn't believe me, but he knows. He was there with him in court.

OP posts:
CookieLady · 19/07/2017 19:37

You are not at fault.

MrsChopper · 19/07/2017 19:38

You did the right thing!

Hmmalittlefishy · 19/07/2017 19:39

You sound perfectly reasonable although it may be that you will need to repeat the same statement of 'fil as you heard in court...... It was not reasonable for exhausted to....' until it finally sinks in!

Original poster
Mooey89 · 19/07/2017 19:40

Thank you.

I hate how that family make me constantly question myself!

OP posts:
SheSaidHeSaid · 19/07/2017 19:42

YADNBU

He's in denial about what a cockwomble his son is.

Ditsy1980 · 19/07/2017 19:42

You are not in the wrong here at all.

if it happens again I'd think about going back to court to get a variation order to stop FiL speaking to you like this.

Original poster
Mooey89 · 19/07/2017 19:43

The thing is, he's so calm and reasonable in his delivery, it's me shaking and getting upset like a crazy woman!

OP posts:
Ragnar · 19/07/2017 19:45

Mate, you are deffo not unreasonable. They are mental, totally, the whole family. I honestly don't know how you protect yourself emotionally because he is right you do have another 14 years of parenting but he should be supporting that to be easier not making it more difficult! Why was he at your door in the first place? Isn't he supposed to drop and pick up from round the corner?

AlfaMummy · 19/07/2017 19:46

Have there been criminal proceedings? I'm thinking witness intimidation. Witnesses remain witnesses even after cases are finished and the intimidation can be committed by anyone not just the defendant.

Original poster
Mooey89 · 19/07/2017 19:47

FIL is supposed to bring him to the door.

Is that you JT?

OP posts:
IDoDaChaCha · 19/07/2017 19:50

Sounds like the apple didn't fall too far from the tree with that father & son...

Ragnar · 19/07/2017 19:50

Yeah, you are 100% not being unreasonable here mate. People like him always make you doubt yourself, but don't doubt the changes you have made and the boundaries you have put in and why.

GreenTulips · 19/07/2017 19:53

Well they have to make it work - if it doesn't they have to go back to court to change the order a they had the chance to challenge it

It's not your issue OP

Next time just say 'I'm not prepared to discuss that thank you'

M0stlyBowlingHedgehog · 19/07/2017 19:57

Not in the slightest bit unreasonable. He challenged a court order. Shutting the door on him was a perfectly reasonable response.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 19/07/2017 20:02

Manageable if they bully you into dropping your reasonable requirements. Fuck that. Don't relitigate the court ordered arrangements, and certainly not on your doorstep. If they want to go back to court they can apply, they'll get short shrift though.

Ragnar · 19/07/2017 20:02

I agree with green tulips

Miserylovescompany2 · 19/07/2017 20:03

They've agreed in court, hence the specific day(s)/times(s)...

Then to put it back onto you, OP. HELL NO. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

The man is obviously in serious denial. He's minimising what his son has done to the mother of his grandchild.

I'd be writing him a letter via your solicitor.

Could a neighbour/friend be present for the next drop off?

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