TO have shut the door in FiL's face...

[Mooey89]

I know IABU but I just need to offload

Just finished year long court proceedings with abusive exH.

Now have non mol order and live with order and some clear boundaried contact for exH to spend time with DS(4).

Part of this is pick up from nursery at 3:30 on a Wednesday, return home at 6:30.

All handovers are completed by third parties - PIL or uncle.
This is because of stalking, harassment, calling me a whore on doorstep in front of DS etc etc etc.

So this is first week of Wednesday afternoons (which I said weren't practical - FIL does cycling every Wednesday, EXH doesn't get home from work until 6, so MiL effectively doing all running around between our two cities (15 miles apart)

Anyway.

Fil arrives at door 30 minutes late. Says 'it really would be so much easier if you stopped all this ridiculousness and let Ex do handovers.'

Me: 'FIL, that is a really inappropriate request and I am not prepared to have him at my house' FIL:
'But you have 15 years to co parent with ex, you are making this really challenging for us, it's really difficult to sort this because you won't do-operate'

So i told him is son should have thought about that before strangling me and calling me a whore on the doorstep and there is a court order preventing it and he needed to leave my home now. THen I shut the door in his face

I'm so annoyed that I let him get to me.

I should have acted more like a grown up but how unreasonable was I?!
FIL is a 74 year old man and I KNOW this is so disruptive for them but i raised that in court and FIL said they could manage it!

Yes I agree with previous poster,the apple does not fall far from the tree.

Frankly it is tough!Tell FIL thems the rules!

Thank you everyone.

DP is here so he could answer the door next time I suppose

@janiston I've just polished off some Ben and jerrys... no wine in house!

Wow what a cracking response!! I wish I could have thought of things like that when my XH used to yell at me on the doorstep in front of our DD.
You should be proud of yourself. xx

You stated the facts clearly and politely. You shut the door to make the point that the discussion was over. There was no point continuing it as you will not change your mind, for your own safety, and FIL wouldn't have had anything more to add except his expectations that you will sweep attempted murder under the carpet.

As for acting like a grown up, FIL is 74 years old, why can't he face reality and be a grown up instead of whiny and immature?

I assume that FIL had a part to play in his son being an abuser, so not likely to be the most reasonable person. Keep being calm and assertive. Keep knowing you are in the right

YANBU, the thing is FiL KNOWS what his son is, he is just in denial to himself. If you could accept you are being unreasonable then FIl would get his confirmation that his son wasn't a total twat.

You absolutely did the right thing.

Well done.

it's clearly inconveniencing everyone except your exDH.. they know exactly what their Son is Sweetheart... your FIL is an elderly man... but it was very inappropriate that he even had this conversation with you.. let alone suggest everything is Your Fault OP...

You did well to merely close the door.... I'd suggest .. if you have a legal rep.. just just give them the heads up about this occurring... it's always good to keep a log .. good luck OP x

This was the right thing to do, it was not petty at all.
Do not worry about it.
They shouldn't be saying anything about the arrangements.

And what Janiston said

You have behaved totally appropriately.

However, he isn't a young man, and if he finds the collection of your son too much on top of his Wednesday cycling, then he should change his cycling day, or go back to court to change the visiting day.

As you have pointed out, PILs claimed that they could cope - if it has turned out to be harder than they anticipated, then they will have to apply for changes in the conditions, which you would also have to agree to - they can't force anything on you unless you are unreasonable, which you obviously aren't.

Stick to your guns - you are in the right.