Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asshole

34 replies

MummyIsAFreeElf · 19/07/2017 17:42

So I have a teething exclusively breastfed baby, a toddler with tonsillitis and a bored six year old. I have had a day from hell as I've been feeding or tending to babies. Have yet to make myself something to eat or have so much as a cup of tea. Obviously haven't had a chance to do any tidying up in the house. OH comes home from work. Sees me stressed out and struggling. Decided rather than helping me, storms back out of the house because if he "stays in the house I'll end up cleaning up". AIBU to think that he's been a complete arsehole and if he sees me in such a state the normal thing would be to help out instead of cracking up and making me feel even worse than I already do. Obviously I don't want to sit about and not get anything done all day but a teething baby and a sick baby aren't going to look after themselves so I can hang up the wash that was put on this morning! Stressed out and don't know what to do. At the end of my tether and could just cry out of frustration.

OP posts:
ConstanceCraving · 19/07/2017 17:44

What a dick. Is this a new thing? Where's he gone?

ShutUpBaz · 19/07/2017 17:46

Wow what a cuntbucket! He needs to come back NOW and parent. Hope your wee ones get better soon. Flowers for you.

Squirmy65ghyg · 19/07/2017 17:47

You know he's not a partner. How horrid of him.

Pengggwn · 19/07/2017 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Angelicinnocent · 19/07/2017 17:50

Dickhead! The proper response from him is cup of tea? And shall we have a takeaway once we've got these 3 settled in bed.

Twickerhun · 19/07/2017 17:52

He is a major asshole.
are they his kids?

Hope things get better for you.

Original poster
MummyIsAFreeElf · 19/07/2017 17:53

I wish I could say this was a once off but it's not. He was off work for holidays last week and did nothing to help. our routine was completely decimated. I was still left to do all the cooking cleaning and child care. As well as keep the kids out of the back garden because he was doing something out there. The only thing I can see is a mess. I've had to beg my mother in law to swap her shifts round this weekend to give me a break so I can get on top of everything. I've spoke to other half before. In the middle of packing his bags and everything but he ends up talking me round or cries mental health issues so I'm terrified of following through and him doing something. I just don't know what to do anymore!

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyIsAFreeElf · 19/07/2017 17:55

Yes they are his kids but it feels like they are only his when it suits them.

I do all the cooking and cleaning because he works so I can stay at home with the children. He views it as my sole responsibility but I think he should atleast help out. It's not hard to put a wash on or clean up his own mess. He cracked up at me because he had nothing to wear. All his clothes were in a pile on his side of the room. All he had to do was look

OP posts:
TheWitchAndTrevor · 19/07/2017 17:57

Wanka, I'd be fucking furious.

In fact he'd probably get the longest text ever written, telling exactly what I thought of him.

Twat

Squirmy65ghyg · 19/07/2017 17:58

He doesn't add to your life. He makes it harder. There's no point being with someone like that. And the threat of "doing something" is to keep you in your place.

ChasedByBees · 19/07/2017 17:59

So he uses emotional blackmail to keep you, but he's not prepared to do something kind and actually support you.

'If he does something' is entirely on him but I would bet he won't.

TheWitchAndTrevor · 19/07/2017 18:00

Well if you have spoke before, and asked him to leave, but he cried and got upset.

Then he's has plenty of time to put things right.

He's not going to change.

namechange20050 · 19/07/2017 18:01

He's a massive arse hole. Why have you continued to have kids with this man?

Charming1234 · 19/07/2017 18:02

Wow what a massive twat

Please don't let him back in tonight. Key in lock on the inside, bag outside with some stuff for him in and a "sorry I'm busy cleaning and looking after OUR children, come back tomorrow' What MH issues does he mention?

VladmirsPoutine · 19/07/2017 18:02

Sorry you're going through this OP but I'd get my house in order (wrt to the relationship) and then look to LTB.

You are not a skivvy, and you have 3 very young children. If he wants to behave like having a family is an optional life for him then I'd take the option away from him and leave him.

honeysucklejasmine · 19/07/2017 18:06

This isn't good OP. He needs to stop treating you like a skivvy, now, or leave.

ChickenBhuna · 19/07/2017 18:07

He's a twat OP. A liability and a twat.

What are you going to do? Tolerate his behaviour for the rest of your life , or tell him you want out?

Alittlepotofrosie · 19/07/2017 18:09

Pack his bags again and this time see it through. It'll be hard but at least you won't have the stress of knowing the person who should love you most in the world doesnt give a shiny shit about you.

Imchuckbass · 19/07/2017 18:14

Yes, he is a massive arse.
My OH works all day - once he gets in, it's all 50/50.
Infact, if kids are ill or he sees I'm really struggling he normally "works from home" although I appreciate that's not an option for everyone.

LeonoraFlorence · 19/07/2017 18:20

This sounds awful, OP Flowers. I really feel for you. I think you'd be better off without the added stress.

QueenArseClangers · 19/07/2017 18:25

Christ, he's a fucking horrible person.
To put it into perspective:
We have 5DC, DH works full time and I do one day a week.
He comes home and does laundry, hoovering, dusting etc. Whatever needs to be done that I've not managed.
When kids were babies he did everything bar give birth and breastfeeding 😄
We're a team and therefore split the workload and shitwork equally between us when we're home. And as he always says 'the sooner we get it done (i.e. Housework) the sooner we can sit down together and watch shite telly with a drink.'

LTB love. You're worth so much more.

humblesims · 19/07/2017 18:26

If this is an issue that has been raised before and not resolved and he is blind to the fact that you need help then he is indeed a fuck bucket and not wasting any more of your time on. Dont clean up, dont cook for him and if he comes back anytime soon tell him to fuck off until he can add value to your life. What a fucker.

TartanTartan · 19/07/2017 18:30

I used to be married to one like this OP. One particularly memorable time was when DD1 was about 18 months old, I was pregnant with dd2 and had a terrible migraine. I was lying on the sofa while DD played with her toys. He came home and took a photo of the mess saying, 'here's one for the judge' implying that he'd get full custody if he ever left me as I was such a bad mother! Life is about a million times happier now he's no longer my husband and I've even managed to bag a new one who does more housework than me Wink

At some point you'll reach rock bottom and leave. How much more time you waste being ground down by your 'D'P is up to you.

GinaFordCortina · 19/07/2017 18:34

God forbid he be pushed in to actually helping Hmm

Miserylovescompany2 · 19/07/2017 18:34

By the sound of things you are already running the show solo!

Get rid of the self-centred-CUNT forthwith.

I'd be seeking legal advice!