AIBU to feel unsure about my parents will?

[lovelylilly]

My parents spoke to me about their recently updated will a few days ago. I fully respect my parents wishes but I'm just trying to figure out in my own head, and based on other people's experiences, if it does seem truly fair.

I am my parents only child, however I have a half brother (my Dad has a son from a previous relationship). He is 13 years older than me and we never lived together. My parents are not as close to the grandchildren on that side as they are with my children for various reasons (though their has never been any animosity or ill feeling between anyone).

They intend to do a 50/50 split of the estate between me and my half brother. I'm not sure I feel unsure that 50% of my mum's share will be going to him and ultimately to his children...who my mum never sees. Is this unreasonable? My mum worked hard (as did our dad) and my half brother will inherit from his own mum too...so is there an imbalance here or is this just something to swallow and move on?

I think you're right, but it's their decision. I don't think you can bring it up without looking grasping.

I wouldn't like that either, but I guess there's nothing you can really say

Your mum is obviously happy with it, and it's her choice at the end of the day.

I understand where you're coming from. Maybe speak with your mum and see why they've decided to split it this way. Presumably if they've spoken to you about it they're aware at some level that it's perhaps a bit unfair?

I think it sounds unfair, 70/30 would be better, but they probably think what they're doing is the simplest way of not showing favouritism. Could you have a word with your mum about it? They may not have thought it through from the perspective of him also receiving from his mother's estate.

It's not worth a falling out but there's no harm in putting your point of view out there.

Maybe speak with you mum about it. I'm in a similar situation but my Dad had regular contact with my half siblings.
My parents will entitles me to 50% of the estate and my siblings will split the other half. My mum was keen for it to be split equally but my Dad raised the fact that they would also be inheriting off their Dad.

So if dad dies, surely it goes to mum
If mum dies surely it goes to dad.
It's up to the last one remaining surely? If dad dies, and mum is the last one, when she dies then mum is going to leave it all to you.
If mum dies, dad the last one , then surely that's when the 50:50 split will kick in

That's how I see it anyway.

Don't bank on anything. Unless you are very lucky, care home fees will swallow most of it up anyway.

It's up to them. It's obviously an agreement your Mum and dad came to at some point.

You swallow it and move on, you mention it and your just grabby who doesn't want her half brother to inherit what you thought was yours

If they have all their assets together it seems fair that his son would have half and you would have half, so he gets his fathers share and you get your mother's share?

None of the 'inheritance' is yours until you inherit it. Don't think of it as you losing anything- you can't lose what you don't already have. Don't be that person.

Your dm should leave her share to you and df half his share to you and half to dhb.

I think they are trying not to show favouritism.

Over the years of living with your DF you will have received a lot more from him (financially and emotionally) than your 1/2 brother (regardless of how much your DF paid monthly for him, there would've been countless incidental expenses, holidays etc) perhaps your DF is trying to even things out once and for all. And no doubt he has your DM support.

I would try to accept this and move on, what they choose to do with their money is really none of your business.

I think it's fair personally.

So your DMum's will is giving 50% of her estate to her stepson?
It's her choice and wills don't have to be fair, but I would wonder why/how she had come to that decision.

I fully respect my parents wishes

Then do..

A friend of mine who has children by two different husbands has her will written so that when she and her current husband die, their estate will be split into two halves.

One half will be divided between all her husband's children, the other half will be divided between all of hers.

So the children she has with her current husband will get a share of her half and a share of his half; but the children she had with her first husband will only get a share of her half, because they'll be inheriting from their biological father, too.

If their biological father wasn't going to leave them anything perhaps she might have done this differently.

Their money, their choice.

Presumably you had two parents who you lived with all through your childhood and all the benefits financially and socially that entails? You say you have never lived with your brother.

Maybe your mother and father feel splitting things this way is fairest to you both? Perhaps they are not just looking at how many pounds you'll each get when they are both dead but how much you have both received over your whole lifetimes?

Regardless, their will, their business. They'll have their reasons.

Sounds like you already benefited more than your half brother by being housed etc and parented full time by your father when he wasn't, so maybe there'ld even be an arguement for giving the child that was non resident more than you?

Your mum married a man who was a father already, she knew the deal

My dad told me he had provided for my step mum, left her the house and £100K, but had left me the bulk of his quite large estate (as they married very late in life). He died a few months ago and it was only then that I found out he had changed his will and it all went to my step mum and on her death she will leave most of it to my step siblings !
Oh you can't miss what you never had in the first place.

I think it's fair. You had the 'advantage' of both parents living with you through your childhood.

Your half-brother is also your dad's child and it could well be that your mum has always said she considers both children equal (even if he didn't live with them or ended up being as close as an adult).

As others have said, if your Dad goes first, your Mum might review her will, but probably will still want to 'honour' the agreement she made with your Dad.

And another thought, was the bulk of the estate they have between them down to your Dad's income/money he brought into the marriage? It could well be your Mum sees it as 'fairer' that the money he earned goes equally to both children.

(And remember the way care homes cost these days, it's not a given there'll be much left once funerals are paid for if one or both parents need care, but this way it shows your half-brother your parents saw him as equal, even if he doesn't end up with much money).

My dad and grandmother died 10 years ago and left my mum a load of money. She remarried someone with no cash of his own who has 4 kids. Over the time she's been with him she's changed her will a few times, upping the percentage his children will get (it started off as them getting £10K each, now I suspect it will be split 7 ways - I have 2 siblings).

It grates a bit as, especially for the first maybe 5 years they were together, she'd slag off his kids all the time. These days she's much nicer about them, and also as she moved away to be with him she sees his children loads more than she sees us (they all live 5 mins away and are in and out of the house all the time).

I try and tell myself it's her money and she can do what she likes with it. It does help that we talk about it so hopefully there won't be any nasty shocks when she does go, but occasionally it pisses me off that my dad's money will be going to people he never met...

My grandfather promised my sister and I that he'd bequeathed us each a house in his Will.
When he died he'd left them to his three mistresses, nothing for my grandmother and £15 for each of us.
Wills can be strange in my experience!

Your mum is obviously happy with it

We don't know she's happy with it. It's definitely worth the OP having a quiet word with her.

They have discussed it together and decided to leave it 50/50 to their daughter and son/stepson. Seems fair, what your hb might or might not get from other sources is not their, or your, concern.

Trying to negotiate a better pay-out from a will is in very poor taste.