AIBU to feel unsure about my parents will?

[lovelylilly]

My parents spoke to me about their recently updated will a few days ago. I fully respect my parents wishes but I'm just trying to figure out in my own head, and based on other people's experiences, if it does seem truly fair.

I am my parents only child, however I have a half brother (my Dad has a son from a previous relationship). He is 13 years older than me and we never lived together. My parents are not as close to the grandchildren on that side as they are with my children for various reasons (though their has never been any animosity or ill feeling between anyone).

They intend to do a 50/50 split of the estate between me and my half brother. I'm not sure I feel unsure that 50% of my mum's share will be going to him and ultimately to his children...who my mum never sees. Is this unreasonable? My mum worked hard (as did our dad) and my half brother will inherit from his own mum too...so is there an imbalance here or is this just something to swallow and move on?

I wouldn't like that.

It should be 100% of your mums 50% to go to you, and 50% of your dads 50%.

So you get 75% and the half bro gets 25%.

Or you can hope that your dad dies first and all goes to your mum, and then she leaves 100% to you.

I think it's entirely fair, and as someone else has pointed out, the money may well be swallowed up in care home fees, should either/both need support in their declining years.

Saying that you think it's unfair will make you seem grasping and entitled. Be better than that. It's not your money. Respect your parents' wishes.

I also think that it is unfair and that you should speak to your Mum.

Especially if it includes your childhood home.

Is it fair? Well, hard to say. I understand that it might not seem so from your POV, but there's a lot of complexity. It's not totally beyond the pale by any means.

But questioning its fairness misses the point, surely. There's no requirement for your parents to be fair. They can do what they like with their money.

I would have a chat with your mum, just to see what she's feeling about the situation and how the decision was reached. But do remember, you have no right to anything at all, beyond what they want to give you.

Are arguing that its unreasonable for your mum to choose what happens to her money? It's you half brother not the cats home.
Bear in mind that that you'll likely get nothing as it will go on care home fees

I agree with your parents will.
You have had your parents love and support all through your childhood. Your half brother has had to live without the day to day support and love of his dad. You have already benefited more than him.
I would split it fifty fifty as well. It is irrelevant what he might or might not get from his own mum. Lots of people inherit nothing. All your parents can control is what he inherits from them.

My parents each had two children when they met. They then had me.
Any money left when they die will be split three ways. I would feel like a right knob if I asked for me to get more than them.

I would feel like that's each parent saying to the step kids you ain't family really.

Hold on, your dad has 2 kids and you think it's unfair he treats you as equals?

What other split would you suggest?

Just as well the parents are stipulating this as otherwise he wouldnt see anything would he?

Is there anything in the wills to prevent either of your parents from making another will, when their spouse dies? There is a form of words which can be included, to either prevent or explicitly allow a new will. In your position, while agreeing that it is entirely up to them, I would look out for this.

*It should be 100% of your mums 50% to go to you, and 50% of your dads 50%.

So you get 75% and the half bro gets 25%.*

Even if this was the 'fair' way to do it, the difference to the OP between this and what the parents have actually done is 25%. Unless they're millionaires, is it really going to amount to much in cash terms?

The way I see it is - inheritance is never a right. No one has the right to what their parents/grandparents have earned.

If you do get something from them when they go then it's down to luck. No one should expect to profit/gain a house/car etc from a death. It's tacky.

My nan is always tell us who gets what, ie, house goes to my dad - car comes to me - jewellery to my sister etc.

My dad is always hung up on having something to leave us kids, it drives me crazy I'd rather he lived a bit happier, took a few extra holidays than worried about us after he's gone.

I hope when I'm old and gone my son is successful in his own right to never need to rely or want inheritance but lucky to receive whatever we leave.

I think if your dad has 2 kids, it should absolutely go 50/50. I wouldn't get too hung up on it tbh, alot can happen between now and then unless they are very very elderly. Illness/care - they may sell up and move to spain who knows.

Don't fret it until you have to. And be greatful for whatever is left after your parents enjoy their last few years.

I think it partly depends on how old your half brother was when your parents got together. If he was a child then I think the way it's done is fair. My dh is leaving half his money to my dd and half to our dd together as he sees them both as his children equally and would hate for my dd to feel less loved than her sister - maybe that's your mum's reasoning too.

Does you half brother have another parent to inherit from?

My family a mix of half siblings from each side plus full siblings, and so the will is divided such that each child gets a share for each parent that is theirs (if that makes sense).

So:

Mum's child 1 = 1 share

Mum's child 2 = 1 share

Dad's child 1= 1 share

Mum and Dad's joint child 1 = 2 shares

Mum and Dad's joint child 2 = 2 shares

The estate is divided into 7 shares and each gets the number of shares stated above.

The rationale is that those that have another parent outside of the will have another inheritance coming their way. That was the decision of the parents alone though, and it sounds like yours have decided differently. There's no right way way to do it.

Let it go. At the end of the day it is there money to do with as they see fit, and it makes them happy. I write this from the perspective of someone that witnessed years of hostility over a will, it never ends well and breaks apart families.

I can see their point of view on it, and if I had step children, even if I had never met them, I would view them as part of the package and would endeavour to share equally where possible. I do understand why you are a bit miffed, but at the end of the day, it's their choice.

We might not always accept people's choices but it is what it is.

I think that's unfair. I am on the other end of the same thing, I have 2 dc with dh, he has a dd from a previous marriage. My 50% share of the house will go between my 2 dc, his 50% share will go 3 ways. Whoever dies first, their 50% share is put into trust until the other spouse dies.

I love stepdd but she will get all of her mothers assets, as she is her mothers only child.

All those assuming step children will get assets from the other side, this is not guaranteed.

Their other parent might leave it all to the cats and dogs home/have it eaten up in nursing costs/marry again and it end up with new partner/blow it on luxury cruises. There are many possibilities.

And given that, I see why a parent might want to divide equally across children regardless of what they can expect from others - nothing's guaranteed.

Are they joint tenants rather than tenants in common? If they are joint tenants, the property doesn't form a part of the estate of the first owner to die, it automatically passes to the other owner. If your mum left 100% to you in her will & your dad died first your brother would get nothing. Maybe that was the reasoning behind it.
I have known a few cases where after the death of the first joint tenant, a new husband or wife has come along & they inherit the lot.

I think it's very fair, there are two children in the family so it's been split as such.

If my daughter questioned that her inheritance wasn't enough or she was unhappy I had left money to someone else I'd be will further. It's just greedy.

I have a half brother. His mum as no money. He will inherit nothing from her. Why assume everyone inherits?