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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to have secretly laughed at dp this morning?

30 replies

PlaymobilPirate · 18/07/2017 08:57

He is as laid back as they come...

He's off work today so is going on ds' school trip. I asked him last night if he was all sorted for it and he rolled his eyes and said yes.

This morning he got up and had a leisurely shower, shit and shave. Pottered about a bit... looked at his phone.... I kept reminding him (as I got ready for work) about the time.

At half 8 he asked where the packed lunches were for him and ds. (We were both at work yesterday, he sat in his backside when we got home - I made tea and ironed, don't know when he thought I'd have made them?)

Queue him running around throwing stuff into bags and shouting to ask where things are!?

I helped ds to get dressed and then I mucked in a bit. In all honesty though I quite enjoyed seeing him flying about muttering about how unhelpful I am.

I usually do 99% of sorting, planning, packing etc.

Feeling a bit crap now on the train though - wibu?

OP posts:
thereallochnessmonster · 18/07/2017 08:59

YANBU. He's an adult and should be able to sort lunch/think about lunch for HIM and his ds.

If you usually do the lunches, tho, he may have assumed that you were doing them today??

Does he usually pull his weight?

Marmalady75 · 18/07/2017 09:00

YANBU! It's about the mental load. You asked if he had everything sorted and he told you it was. Why should you have to micromanage and spell out the obvious???
They will have a great time on the trip and it will all be forgotten about by tonight.

Chwaraeteg · 18/07/2017 09:00

Yanbu. You shouldn't have mucked in though.

Original poster
PlaymobilPirate · 18/07/2017 09:01

He's great in that he does anything I ask but it's generally me who thinks and plans (He does a LOT of other stuff though - we're doing up our house and he's done the majority. He didn't do any work last night though)

OP posts:
Tingotango · 18/07/2017 09:02

You've made a rod for your own back there. Maybe start gradually shifting the load from 99% to 50% over time!

Tofutti · 18/07/2017 09:02

Feeling a bit crap now on the train though - wibu?

Well, I would feel crap that my husband expects to sit his arse and expects me to sort out dinner, ironing and lunchboxes after a full day at work.

Why are you putting up with this?

Original poster
PlaymobilPirate · 18/07/2017 09:02

I only helped ds to get dressed and found his sunnies and cap to take.

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 18/07/2017 09:05

Do you normally do the packed lunches?

caffeinestream · 18/07/2017 09:06

He really needs to be doing more of the day-to-day stuff.

Oliversmumsarmy · 18/07/2017 09:07

I would have wanted to know why he thought that everything was sorted if he hadn't got the pack lunch together.

Original poster
PlaymobilPirate · 18/07/2017 09:08

We don't often make packed lunches as ds has school dinner. I sometimes make him a butty to take to work. Sometimes he makes me one. No strict rule about it. We'd only shopped for the lunch on the way home from work. He thought I'd have made them whilst he was in the bathroom

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 18/07/2017 09:08

Did he know packed lunches were needed?
Probably wouldn't occur to my DH

Original poster
PlaymobilPirate · 18/07/2017 09:09

I don't expect him to do day to day stuff if he's been doing work on the house but he didn't last night.

OP posts:
Original poster
PlaymobilPirate · 18/07/2017 09:10

Hopping - the letter about the trip has been on the fridge for 2 weeks. We shopped for the stuff yesterday

OP posts:
AtHomeDadGlos · 18/07/2017 09:13

I'd cut him a bit of slack. Unless you plan on doing all the DIY.

You'll go to turn on a light one day and there won't be ceiling rose. 'Where's the light?' 'Oh, you didn't install it?!'

Original poster
PlaymobilPirate · 18/07/2017 09:14

Just realised I fibbed in my op -- DP MADE TEA whilstbi put ds to bed. Sorry , that was crap of me to claim that (we had something that's usually 'my thing to cook' so I got mixed up.

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 18/07/2017 09:17

If you shopped for the stuff yesterday, he WBU to just assume you'd done it while he was in the bathroom.

On balance, ywnbu to have a silent snigger at his flapping.

Figaro2017 · 18/07/2017 09:19

It's time to start working on your DIY skills......

JassyRadlett · 18/07/2017 09:26

He's great in that he does anything I ask

Yeah. That's actually not 'great'.

MrsJayy · 18/07/2017 09:31

Yanbu he was going on the trip he should have checked lunches not expected you the fairies to do it. I wouldn't give this another thought tbh

RB68 · 18/07/2017 09:39

its mental load stuff - if you had said to him have you done or can you sort the lunches for tomorrow last night he prob wld have done it (at midnight) but because you didn't take the mental load or responsibility to remind him he didn't as he has switched his head off cos you normally sort.

Don't feel crap - they will survive they have food, they got there and Dad is with kids for time ( be interesting to see what happens tonight.... will he be too knackered to help...)

brasty · 18/07/2017 09:40

I do a lot of DIY. DIY is usually an occasional thing. Looking after the kids and housework takes much more time.

lanouvelleheloise · 18/07/2017 09:43

YADNBU! Can't believe anyone would suggest you were in this day and age.

It's not fair that you're carrying everything all the time. And not fair that he gets all this spare headspace while you're run ragged. If this is the way to fix things to get more equality, then DO IT ALL THE TIME! Sometimes letting things break is the only way to get them set together again right.

Original poster
PlaymobilPirate · 18/07/2017 09:47

brasty it's more than DIY - we're building an extension. BUT he does work whilst I sort DS (take him out, keep him out of the way etc)

OP posts:
putdownyourphone · 18/07/2017 09:51

Send him the mental load cartoons, basically showing how the women of the house are expected to think of and do all of the little things that keep everything ticking over, while the men only do the actual task that's in front of them I.e he's going on the trip but he expected you to get them both ready for it