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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if anyone left FB and hasn't regretted it?

60 replies

CookieDoughObsessive · 17/07/2017 22:01

I know this is AIBU but please be gentle.

My husband and I can't have children and for the third time in one month, I've come off FB with tears in my eyes after seeing yet another old school friend post pics of their newborns. I'm 39 so I guess everyone is having a flurry of babies as they complete their families. It's been like this all year.

We've had a number of IVF cycles and none of them have worked - it's the end of the road for us.

I guess I'm worried about missing out / losing contact with people, but trying to weigh that up against the fact that it often makes me feel so unbearably sad.

Would love to hear if people have closed their accounts and not looked back. I'd feel this reassuring I guess; it just feels like I haven't got the confidence to click 'deactivate account' - but I think my MH would be so much better if I did.

OP posts:

FreudianSlurp · 17/07/2017 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgainPlease · 17/07/2017 23:15

aquamarine my DSS is 13 and has no desire to join and none of his friends do either. I think it has something to do with the fact that his parents and all the grown ups he knows are on it and because of this it's definitely not cool if old people are using it ;)

Thanks Bee x

user1492324666 · 17/07/2017 23:21

YANBU. People with children who have never had fertility issues can be exceedingly insensitive. Thinking of you and wishing you all the best.

I've just stopped getting updates from people who are the most irritating and feel much better.

gingerbreadmam · 17/07/2017 23:24

so sorry for your fertility struggles im having problems too although not the same but completely understand how hard it is to see people with babies and young families.

i came off facebook 5 years ago. honestly, one of the best things i did. i actually have regular nightmares about fb now. so glad im no longer on there.

Mari50 · 17/07/2017 23:29

FB is poison.
I left about 8 months ago.
Don't miss it or the shit it brought into my life.
The friends I want to speak to I still can through messenger but I don't need to endure the utter banal/boastful/boring shit other people post. And same as Op i don't have to endure the baby scans etc etc .
It's great.
Leave now and never regret it!!

Gemini69 · 17/07/2017 23:38

I love that there are so many people that share the feelings I have about Facebook...

I would feel physically sick logging in ....

So happy without it x

BhajiAllTheWay · 18/07/2017 11:36

FB is awful really. I feel worse seeing everyone's perfect life/ jobs/ social life etc etc. So many people showing off. Even though it's not real in most cases you just feel so inadequate. I'd delete it asap x

EarlGreyT · 18/07/2017 23:00

I deactivated Facebook about 4 years ago. In that time I briefly went back on it once when I'd injured my foot and was bored. I've deleted my account today after reading this thread and being told how to do this!

I haven't regretted leaving it at all. I agree with others who've said it's rather narcissistic it's either a bit of a "who has the best life" competition or a who has the most drama in their life competition depending on whose posts you look at.

I left for similar reasons to yours, the awful mix of infertility and depression. I too felt that FB wasn't the problem and that I was the problem. I felt that I should be able to feel happy for other people who appeared to be having a better time than me and happy for other people when they announced their pregnancies/babies. I used that as a stick to beat myself up with and make me feel worse about myself and more depressed because I couldn't even be happy for other people when they shared their good news, so I must be a terrible person.

I think looking back those types of FB posts emphasised my sadness about my own situation and that was what made me feel so awful and I just couldn't see beyond that to be able to feel pleased for others. I've also subsequently realised that I just wasn't mentally resilient enough to cope with pregnancy/baby announcements/photos at the time and that this wasn't my fault and this quite a normal reaction when you're having fertility problems of your own.

Now I'm in a better place mentally, I can also see that FB life isn't real life and people only share what they choose to and you don't know what they're going through that they're not sharing.

I think getting off FB is the better route for you mentally as you can't control what other people post there and if it's making you feel bad, you need to leave at least temporarily for your own wellbeing. You won't lose contact with people who are important to you and from what you've said the downsides of FB outweigh the positives at the moment.

I'm sorry you're going through a rough time at the moment. As someone who has also had a number of unsuccessful IVF cycles I get where you're coming from and I know it's a crap time.

Tapandgo · 18/07/2017 23:28

Never been on facebook - so never miss it

MusicToMyEars800 · 19/07/2017 17:13

Fontella That's exactly how I am and how I feel!! I feel so sad and annoyed when all I see is people glued to their phones, especially when I have to do some crazy manoeuvre to stop a collision, because they are so engrossed in the phone that they don't even look where they are walking!

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