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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu to throw his presents out the window?

67 replies

Wellthengreat · 17/07/2017 21:36

It's my dh birthday tomorrow, he's just got into the mother of all strops and I have no idea why. He seemed a bit moody thought he was having a bad day so just left it.. asked him what's wrong a few times he's replied, nothing!
He is insisting I am the one in the mood and I am at a loss for words why. He's storming about and said he wouldn't think of anyone worse to spend his birthday with tomorrow. ..

How lovely.

In two minds whether I should just throw his presents out the window. He's being a grade a dick!

OP posts:
CockacidalManiac · 17/07/2017 22:33

It's my birthday tomorrow too. Can I have his presents?

FuckYouLinda · 17/07/2017 22:34

I had to re-read this because I was sure that you must have meant DS instead of DH.

You know what I'd do? I'd set my alarm and fuck off early for the day on him. Presents in the boot of the car. And don't return or answer texts or calls. E-bay the bloody lot and spend it on a spa day for you. He treats you like shit because he's in a mood? Fuck him. And fuck that for a marriage.

You want to change this behaviour? Show him you won't tolerate it. You won't change it by tiptoeing around and then accepting his sulky apology when he realises it's bedtime and he might not get the ride after the way he treated you.

It's only a fucking birthday. He's an adult FFS.

Dontlaugh · 17/07/2017 22:34

What an exhausting way to live, for you.
What does he bring to the relationship?
Bathroom cleaning whilst sulking doesn't count.

Original poster
Wellthengreat · 17/07/2017 22:34

cockacidalmaniac you can have them for that username alone Grin

OP posts:
Dontlaugh · 17/07/2017 22:35

I'd most likely give him his presents and then pack his bags.

Original poster
Wellthengreat · 17/07/2017 22:43

He brings to the relationship a lot, he's my best friend really.
Hes super supportive, makes me laugh all the time and had really lovely morals and values.. until he's acting like an absolute child
He does everything around the house and I don't ever lift a finger like his tantrums are his only downside.
I feel like I have a bit of control over them now I know how to diffuse them, I'm hoping I do this enough that they get less and less, they are a lot less frequent and crazy but still hate when he acts like a prick like this. Even worse when they aren't over anything

OP posts:
Original poster
Wellthengreat · 17/07/2017 22:44

I've asked again why the strop and he says he felt I was being short and snappy with him. I don't think I was but there we go

OP posts:
tootalbugging · 17/07/2017 22:45

I couldn't deal with this. But that's just me. Maybe when he's calmer try and discuss counselling for him to get to the root of why he behaves this way...there must be a trigger, even if he's not sure what it is.

NomNomNominativeDeterminism · 17/07/2017 22:46

You know, he should really demonstrate he's sorry a bit more. Like maybe, I don't know, just plucking something out of the air, if he came and cleaned my bathroom too? and the oven while he's here? Just so you're sure he means it.

Original poster
Wellthengreat · 17/07/2017 22:52

When he explains it back in a logical way I feel like i get what the trigger is. He says he thinks I was being short tempered and it was making him feel like he was annoying me and that I was being snappy.

Sometimes my tone is a bit short and I've been told this by numerous people, some say it's my accent and it comes across as argumentative, my sister has the same experience, it's like the voice version of resting bitch face.
But I think it should have been the end of it when I said "I am not in a huff" he said it makes him feel like he's going crazy when I say that because it's like he imagined it

OP posts:
Dontlaugh · 17/07/2017 23:00

Why is it your responsibility to diffuse his tempers? That's not usual in a relationship.
His mood is not your responsibility, nor should it be.
I hope you find the self respect you deserve and can find the happiness you deserve.

redshoeblueshoe · 17/07/2017 23:01

nomnomnom has cracked it, maybe he could clean my kitchen too

Maryz · 17/07/2017 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tootalbugging · 17/07/2017 23:03

I get that OP, and it makes sense. But he should know you better than that by now. Communication is key. Make sure he knows that if you're cross or argumentative then you will express that. Not with your tone, but with actual proper grown up language. Anything else is his imagination or insecurities in overdrive.

AtHomeDadGlos · 17/07/2017 23:05

Yet again on MN a poster has a row with their husband, gives her (one side) of it and everyone piles in with 'get a divorce' and 'why do you live with him?' comments.

The OP is just letting off steam, like her husband was in his rant. She didn't ask for your judgements on her marriage but rather whether she should throw his presents away.

Well done OP for mentioning all the valuable things he brings to your life and the relationship. Enjoy his birthday tomorrow and, at a time when things have cooled down, maybe discuss with him why he does this every now and then and tell him why it bothers you.

Dontlaugh · 17/07/2017 23:06

Maryz (so nice to see you back), granted depression could be an issue but surely acting like an absolute prick with no dx is not ok? High price to pay for someone else's mental health in a family home. At least with a screwdriver there's some reason, fallback and treatment. The man above is being an absolute prick with no discernible reason.

Dibbles1967 · 17/07/2017 23:06

How utterly exhausting for you.

Read "I don't want to do anything and I don't want any presents" as
"Make a huge fuss and throw me a massive party"

Stroppy git. Half arsed last minute presents?! He doesn't deserve fuck all anything.

My exes birthday one year, quite a important one as it turned out - for all the wrong reasons.

Loads of presents in the morning, out for lunch whilst DC at school. Cooked a massive dinner & then the DC & I all dressed up in our best, I did snacks/nibbles, lots of dancing & music, just the 6 of us. Also lots of wine. Come bedtime after I'd sorted the children, he didn't get his birthday shag, so spent the next FOUR DAYS torturing with verbal abuse, following me around, making me cry to the point where I had to feign allergies on the school run as my face was so puffy. I'll say this for him, he doesn't do things by halves.

When he finally got it out of his system, he said "I hope I haven't spoilt things" Shock

At the point, I'd decided I would never allow him to make me cry again. I developed a mantra every time he kicked of "I don't actually like you so it doesn't affect me" (just to myself) Took me nearly 4 years after that to get shot of the nasty pig.

Presents out the window? nope, smile sweetly & hand them over then see what comes next & deal accordingly. You can't live your life on egg shells.

MsPavlichenko · 17/07/2017 23:06

If it was a little thing you wouldn't be here trying to figure it out. You have presumable spent the evening fretting, worrying , cajoling, then keeping quiet. Now you are attempting to justify it to us by explaining.

It is borderline abusive/controlling behaviour. You are managing it by modifying how you react to his entirely unreasonable behaviour rather than calling him on it, and telling him to stop, or else you'll go.

Not saying LTB. I am saying that this might well be the thin end of the wedge . Previous posters are correct. Stop indulging, discussing, trying to understand. Let him work it out. If I were you the next time it happens I'd take myself out of the situation physically, and get away. Might help him focus his mind on his behaviour.

And the childish stuff re his birthday. Pitiful, embarrassing, ungrateful and a huge Red Flag. I know you wont want to hear my thoughts but believe me, I only do so with a view to your future happiness.

Dontlaugh · 17/07/2017 23:07

Omg not screwdriver, diagnosis!

MumsOnCrack · 17/07/2017 23:10

Men are so annoying. Put your energy into you and let him have a paddy.

Original poster
Wellthengreat · 17/07/2017 23:12

He'd honestly love to come clean, he's a clean freak, cleaning and tidying is his happy place.
When I said what would you like to do on your birthday his response was "well if it's nice weather hopefully I'll get to the bottom of the washing basket"

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 17/07/2017 23:14

There's nothing worse than when you're just a bit quiet and something is constantly asking you what's wrong when there is nothing wrong.

After several times of being asked that it does majorly wind you up! So perhaps that's what happened?

misit · 17/07/2017 23:14

He does everything around the house and you never lift a finger?

What's that all about, are you unwell?

user1499333856 · 17/07/2017 23:15

My DH is like this but a lot. I just want to live on your own most of the time. He's a spoilt, lazy brat

Original poster
Wellthengreat · 17/07/2017 23:15

He did mention many years ago that he had experience small bouts of depression. I often wonder if that's why he gets so insecure and therefore picks a fight when I'm not being overly nice ( in my mind I'm being normal and chilled ) and I think he panics a bit when am not being super cheerful and nice

I have no idea he doesn't get by now that unless I am shouting and being super annoyed about something then I am not in a mood or being snappy

OP posts: