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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Swimming pool

47 replies

JoshLymanJr · 17/07/2017 20:31

Not an AIBU but a wee query - my DDs both love the swimming pool, but DW doesn't care for it, so I always take them myself. Youngest DD is still of an age where I need to change her for the pool.

Our local swimming pool has an accessible changing room with baby changing facilities, so when they were younger I always used that, but as they got older I figured someone else would need it more, so now I usually just take them into the men's changing room. It's a small rural pool, and even at busy times isn't 'busy', so you usually don't see that many people.

Anyway, the other day when we came home from the pool DW said that she hoped I wasn't taking them into the men's changing rooms - I just assumed she knew that's what we would be doing, as I can hardly go sauntering into the women's changing area! But DW was unhappy with this.

So, for a man with young daughters, what is the changing room solution?

OP posts:
Forgettheworld · 17/07/2017 20:33

How old are they? I used to go into the male changing rooms with my dad if it was just us when I was younger and now I take my DS 4 into the female changing room with me. What does she expect you to do then?

sirfredfredgeorge · 17/07/2017 20:35

they're either old enough to get changed by themselves, or they're young enough to get changed in the mens.

olympicsrock · 17/07/2017 20:36

I think you are doing the right thing.

nocake · 17/07/2017 20:37

I take my DDs (2 and 6) into the men's changing room and I see other men in there with DDs around the same age. I've talked to the eldest about going into the women's changing room on her own but she's not quite confident enough.

meladeso · 17/07/2017 20:39

i agree with sirfredfredgeorge

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 17/07/2017 20:40

The general rule seems to be aged 7 and under DCs use the appropriate changing room for the adult accompanying them, from 8+ they go in the correct one for them, on their own if need be. It's not ideal sometimes and there are lots of pools now that just have one changing room with lots of cubicles to overcome this problem which is much easier.

Original poster
JoshLymanJr · 17/07/2017 20:41

Youngest is 3, oldest is 7. Oldest would be fine on her own, but is really scatterbrained, so you have to stand over her to make sure she doesn't leave half her stuff!

OP posts:
CorbynsBumFlannel · 17/07/2017 20:47

It depends. If there are cubicles to change in I don't suppose it matters. But if it's communal then I wouldn't want my kids seeing a load of willies and some of the men there might be uncomfortable with the presence of older kids being there. If it is communal changing I'd stick with the family change until they are old enough to go.in.the ladies with you stood outside.

luckylucky24 · 17/07/2017 20:52

The 3 yr old needs to be in men with you. 7 can do either. 8 is usually the cut off

Voice0fReason · 17/07/2017 21:53

I wouldn't want my kids seeing a load of willies
Would that harm them then?
Presumably, it's only girls who would be harmed by the sight of willies?

OP, just take them into the men's with you until they are old enough to manage on their own. Most kids can do that at about 8 years.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 17/07/2017 21:56

Me and my sister always went in the mens with our dad, every weekend, until we were old/responsible enough to go into the womens on our own. If you're in a cubicle rather than open changing, it really isnt an issue.

Sirzy · 17/07/2017 21:58

Yup I agree with you.

Until children are old enough to change alone then they go in with the parent to the changing room for the parent.

RiverTam · 17/07/2017 22:00

Either family changing or sex of the parent until the child is about 8 or so. Are there cubicles in the men's?

caffeinestream · 17/07/2017 22:04

I agree with you. Most places won't let them change alone under a certain age anyway.

I think the 7yo will have to go to the women's alone next year. Or can your DW not come and change her if she's not happy with her being alone? I don't think she gets to opt out of swimming and decide how you do things, tbh.

Italiangreyhound · 17/07/2017 22:08

Josh if it is not busy why do you assume "someone else would need it more?

"So, for a man with young daughters, what is the changing room solution?"

If the older child is old enough to change in their own cubical they can and you and dd use the accessible changing room with baby changing facilities until your dd is old enough to dress herself.

If you change them into costumes at home it means they can strip off in seconds so it is only the getting changed back that is a time concern.

My son could change in the school swim class changing room alone by 6, possibly a bit younger. Just make sure what they need is top of the bag so everything doesn't go everywhere while they find that elusive towel! Smile

Italiangreyhound · 17/07/2017 22:10

By dress herself I mean dry and dress herself, I know it is more tricky than just getting dressed!

TeenAndTween · 17/07/2017 22:19

If your DW doesn't want them going in the men's then she needs to come to, to help with changing, even if she doesn't swim.

Original poster
JoshLymanJr · 17/07/2017 22:22

if it is not busy why do you assume "someone else would need it more?

I just wouldn't like to be taking up the family room in case someone else came with a baby who could do with the room more than me.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 17/07/2017 22:25

Of course a man can't go in to the female changing room. Your dw is wrong.

Inertia · 17/07/2017 22:30

What does your wife expect you to do?

If it's a genuine family changing room and it wouldn't greatly inconvenience other people for you to use it (e.g. it contains the only accessible loo in the building), then it's fine to use family changing.

If not, you can't use the women's and your children are too small to change alone, so they'll have to come into the men's with you. If you're wife is that bothered she can come along and change them in the women's changing room.

Brittbugs80 · 17/07/2017 22:31

Our pool has make, female and family changing, the family changing is a big room with cubicles, not just one room.

If she feels that strongly, tell her to come with you, get them changed then wait in the cafe for you.

crazycatgal · 17/07/2017 22:32

I used to go into the mens with my dad, you're not doing anything wrong OP.

AtHomeDadGlos · 17/07/2017 22:41

You're fine. I can't imagine any blokes being offended by the presence a girl in the changing room.

Your wife however IBU.

Italiangreyhound · 18/07/2017 00:34

JoshLymanJr "I just wouldn't like to be taking up the family room in case someone else came with a baby who could do with the room more than me."

That's really kind of you but you say yourself that it is not busy. A person with a baby could wait 5 minutes surely. Why are other people's kids more important than your kids. Kind as it is, I'd just be a bit more selfish and put your dd first.

arethereanyleftatall the dw did not say they should go in the women's changing room, or at least Josh did not say she did. He said that she didn't want them going in the men's.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 18/07/2017 11:30

I wouldn't want my kids (boy and girl) around any naked adults if I could avoid it by using the family change. It's not just for people with babies. I think it would actually be less embarrassing for a baby to be in with the adults tbh. I wouldn't feel particularly comfortable getting changed in front of 7 yos that aren't members of my family and it's could be embarrassing for them at that age too.