Swimming pool

[JoshLymanJr]

Not an AIBU but a wee query - my DDs both love the swimming pool, but DW doesn't care for it, so I always take them myself. Youngest DD is still of an age where I need to change her for the pool.

Our local swimming pool has an accessible changing room with baby changing facilities, so when they were younger I always used that, but as they got older I figured someone else would need it more, so now I usually just take them into the men's changing room. It's a small rural pool, and even at busy times isn't 'busy', so you usually don't see that many people.

Anyway, the other day when we came home from the pool DW said that she hoped I wasn't taking them into the men's changing rooms - I just assumed she knew that's what we would be doing, as I can hardly go sauntering into the women's changing area! But DW was unhappy with this.

So, for a man with young daughters, what is the changing room solution?

I wouldn't want my kids (boy and girl) around any naked adults if I could avoid it by using the family change.

But naked bodies are completely normal and natural.

How is this any different from me taking my DS's age 3 and 5 into the women's changing room?

If your DW has an issue with it tell her to come too.

if you had a son and your DW was taking him, ask her if she would then go into mens

Being naked around strangers isn't normal in my family.

Being baked Ian't normal in public in almost every society in earth, for humans! Yes the baked body is normal but so is wee and poo but we usually do that in private.

Lordy! Being naked isn't...

Your wife is being unreasonable.

Obviously, you can't go into the women's. So your options are kids in the men's with you, or family change room.

I think are fine in the men's but also if I was after you in the baby change but I wouldn't mind waiting for an adult with 2 kids.

Your kids will grow up to be grateful for the precious moments they spent with their dad and for being able to swim. They won't be scarred for life because they have seen a todger or two.

In Germany changing rooms are unisex with mixed family areas. The whole family can get changed together.

Sounds like you are being reasonable to me. Most people are considerate of children and don't flaunt their naked bodies.My DH would take our DDs swimming but luckily there was a family area within the male changing room. If you feel uncomfortable, I would ask at the desk where there appropriate provision is. Might prompt them into cordoning off an area for parent and child use only.

*their appropriate provision

Is the accessible changing room called a family room? If so I would use that in your shoes.

I would avoid using the accessible changing room if it is the only accessible changing room ie no separate changing room for disabled people, unless you have no alternative.

I think family changing rooms are there for exactly this kind of scenario.

I'd just use the family room. Don't faff around too much and you'll be in and out pretty quick.

By faff i mean just do the basics in there - get dry and put clothes on. Do hair combing, costume wringing, shoes on and bag sorting outside the cubicle.

Most people are considerate of children and don't flaunt their naked bodies
I have never seen anyone flaunt their naked body in a changing room. I've only ever seen people getting changed, sometimes hiding underneath a towel and other times not.
Children are not harmed by seeing a naked person, even if they are not used to it at home.

Our pool has a sign up saying that children under 8 can accompany parent into either changing room. if you are changing in cubical a I think that's fine.
If your wife format like it she can accompany you and just change your daughter and then wait while you swim and change her back again after.

I used to work in private health clubs and the age cut off for opposite sex children was 7 years old....

I'd use the family room, if available.

If not available then 7-8 is about the right age to get changed alone. The younger ones can go into their own gender room younger (5-6) if older siblings can be trusted to look after them.

There was a woman in the pool we used to go to who regularly came with her late teenaged son who was disabled and couldn't change alone. There were individual cubicles but no family ones so we had to get changed in front of him and he us. I felt sorry for him. It was entirely the pool's fault and really badly thought out following a recent rebuild/renovation. We go to a different pool now.

OP
You are doing the right thing.
Your wife is being unreasonable.

When is the right time for your older DD to change on her own in the Ladies?
Easy
The day she says "I'll go in here, see you in the pool"
until that day, keep her with you.

In the real world, taking kids into the opposite sex changing room is perfectly normal. That's what everyone does, otherwise no father would go swimming with daughters and likewise no mother with sons.

Thanks all. As our local pool is in a small leisure centre there aren't really a lot of options. The main changing rooms double up as the swimming pool and 'dry side' changing (and aren't split up into cubicles - just a changing area and separate shower area). The 'family room' is also the accessible/disabled changing area - it's the only such facility in the building so I don't feel I should use it if I don't absolutely have to.

Our oldest will soon be able to manage herself, but that still leaves the youngest to manage.

Anyway, we've got through it so far without anyone being unduly traumatized ;)