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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Regarding house sale

36 replies

SashaVelour · 17/07/2017 19:34

Ex and I split in August last year after buying our house in April. We have sold and are due to get 26.5k after all costs. He's saying he should get 20k and I get 6.5 because he put more in and put more towards the mortgage. I put less in because I didn't have inherit to put in like him and work pt due to looking after our son. He also says he should be able to pay off his credit card bill because it was all used for the house (he's claiming 5k but I know at least 2 was on there before we got together).
The money is supposed to go into our joint account but wibu to ask for 8k to go into my own account? The solicitor has given me until tomorrow morning to decide. He's basically said he will no longer have our son whilst I work if I try and get any more which would mean I can't work as I do 12 hour shifts and no childcare providers do this. I feel like I have to choose between financial security and my son's relationship with his dad. Please give me some advice!
Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
AnythingNotEverything · 17/07/2017 19:37

Sorry you're going through this.

Are you married? Do you buy the house together? Did you set up any legal agreement?

Original poster
SashaVelour · 17/07/2017 20:11

It's ok, much happier alone than with a cheat!
Not married. We own the house 50/50. When we signed the paperwork it says 50/50 too.

OP posts:
Brakebackcyclebot · 17/07/2017 20:16

If owned 50/50 then you should both get 13.25k - that's the legal starting point. What has your solicitor advised?

And he is obliged to pay child maintenance - you can force that too through the CMS.

He is bullying you. Was he like this during the relationship?

If there is a dispute then solicitor shouldn'the pay the money anowhere!

Groupie123 · 17/07/2017 20:17

If it says 50/50 then you get half. The laws quite clear about that.

MimiSunshine · 17/07/2017 20:18

Did you buy the house as joint tenants? I.e. You both own it equally regardless of who put what in?

If yes then you could position it as you are entitled to half but you'll compromise at £8k and I'd be asking for a copy of the crecit card statement and knocking if anything that isn't house related.

Ultimately you only owned the house for a very short period of time before splitting so I think the right thing to do would be to both take out what you put in and split the difference of what's left

Oliversmumsarmy · 17/07/2017 20:23

Why compromise. I would be telling the solicitor to put the £13500 into your account. Whilst your ex might have worked on the house you were looking after his child.

Agree to forcing him to pay CM. He cant just say I want and expect to get.

Original poster
SashaVelour · 17/07/2017 20:28

Brakebackcyclebot he wasn't really a bully but was quite manipulating.

MimiSunshine when we bought it I said we should wait. He pushed for it knowing full well our relationship would end because of his cheating. Doing what you suggested would be around 7.5k so maybe I should offer that?

I just want to be fair and do what's morally right. I just don't know what to do. If I go to the solicitor and get more transferred to me then he could potentially make my life miserable. God knows what I'll do for childcare and I desperately need to work.
It's so hard.

OP posts:
RockyBird · 17/07/2017 20:29

Half in your account, half in ex's. you can pay anything you think you might owe on the cc later (I wouldn't though) and your ex will have to pay CM regardless.

All the best.

HicDraconis · 17/07/2017 20:29

I think if your ex used an inheritance as part of the deposit he should get that back. It seems you bought together and then split relatively fast so it's not like you were living together for years. I'd be really sad if I was left money by a relative that I then lost in a relationship breakup.

However after he's had his inheritance back the rest of the money should be split 50:50, I'd ignore the credit card claims. He shouldn't have used it if he couldn't afford to pay for it.

Original poster
SashaVelour · 17/07/2017 20:31

HicDraconis it was 7.5k the inheritance. I think I'd be more saddened to lose money I'd worked for but he thinks more like you.

I'm really struggling with my mental health right now which is also clouding everything.

OP posts:
JumpyCastle · 17/07/2017 20:32

With such a short time, id say you are entitled to half but make a compromise and let him have his inheritance back.

nocake · 17/07/2017 20:34

The law is very clear. If this isn't part of a divorce settlement then the proceeds of the sale are split 50/50. It doesn't matter what is fair, that's what the law says.

If you want to give him the inheritance then split the rest 50/50 that's up to you. I think that would be fair but it's your decision.

Venusflytwat · 17/07/2017 20:34

I'd say give him back his inheritance and then split the remainder 50/50.

Make it clear that legally you are entitled to do a straight 50/50 split and so this IS you being more than reasonable.

As for being held to ransom over childcare, if he wants to be in his son's life he'll step up. If not, better you know now.

Original poster
SashaVelour · 17/07/2017 20:38

Thanks everyone. Any advice over what to do for childcare? I can't afford to lose my job.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 17/07/2017 20:38

Get the 13.5k and buy a nanny for the shifts you need

Underthemoonlight · 17/07/2017 20:40

I would give him the inheritance back and split the reminder. As it's only been a short time before you split.

Angrybird123 · 17/07/2017 20:43

My friend used her inheritance to buy a flat with her ex. He ended the relationship a month later and it took her two years to get her inheritance money back - it greatly added to the difficulty she had getting over her parent's death. Given the timescale I would give him the inheritance amount then split the rest 50/50. He must pay CMS minimum. Childcare costs can be quite significantly met by child tax credits - look into it, but ultimately you should aim to not need to rely on him.

upperlimit · 17/07/2017 20:48

Take the £13.5k and collect the child maintenance. Use the money for childcare, he's going to make you dance to his tune forever with this threat of with-holding childcare otherwise.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 17/07/2017 20:55

You should each get out of it what you put in first then split the rest 50/50.

About him not having your son whilst you are working I hope you pointed out that childcare will be split 50/50 therefore he needs to work out what he is doing during his time. He can't get it both ways. You have to look after him so he can work but he won't do the same!

Have you looked at childminders? They might do 12hrs. Or is there anyway you can change your work? I would be inclined to do either of these than have your ex have something to hold over!

RockyBird · 17/07/2017 20:59

Don't give him the inheritance at this point. By the sounds of it he's not going to play fair in the future. Get what you need now. Get half then negotiate. Put yourself in the strongest position to start with.

Rhubarbtart9 · 17/07/2017 21:06

You shouldn't be peanilised for working part time because you're looking after his son.

How much was his inheritance?

Rhubarbtart9 · 17/07/2017 21:07

I'd give him inheritance amount and then 50% of the rest.

Sprinklestar · 17/07/2017 21:11

He cheated? Go for the 50/50 legal split and tell him you'll go for 50/50 custody too if he dicks about. Why are you the one left holding the baby and not being able to work?!

cookiefiend · 17/07/2017 21:18

Tell the solicitor to put 50% into your account as they are asking for a fast decision. If your ex questions it explain you might be willing to negotiate, but not under such time pressure. There is no rush. You won't get the money back off him if you change your mind later.

You can claim child maintenance from him so don't worry about that.

As for working he is a total douche to refuse to care for his child so that you can earn money to provide for them. Sorry he is being like that. Anyway you can transfer money to him if you think he is owed a bigger share of the deposit. Do some sums first. Has he been paying you maintenance meantime? Does he owe you anything?

Also remember if you gave up work to care for his child, then the fact he contributed more should not penalise you.

Original poster
SashaVelour · 17/07/2017 21:22

Thanks again everyone. Unsure if this makes a difference but this time next year I'll be in a Monday-Friday 9-5 management job so will be easier and a lot better pay. As it stands now I do every other weekend because we all have to so no chance of childcare then. No one will do weekends around here or 12 hours unfortunately. I can't have a year out of work either. I can't move up the career ladder until I finish the qualification I'm doing but the job is pretty much guaranteed once I've done it.

OP posts:
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