More of a WWYD

[Alexkate2468]

I have a really lovely friend who really enjoy spending time with. She has a DS who is a year older than my DD. The problem is, when we meet up, her DS is really awful to my DD. Last time we met, he pushed her off a chair, pulled a drink out of her hand and threw it on the floor, threw a ball in her face and burst her nose and kept calling her names. My DH and I kept trying to be firm with him and telling him to stop but there is only so much you can do when it's not your child. My friend kept laughing it off as him being a 'typical boy' winding up her up. In the end, she spent the afternoon sitting on my knee as she'd had enough. I tried talking to my friend about it but she thinks DS is just trying to be funny and showing off. Friend has sent a message today to ask to meet in the holidays with kids. I'd love to see her but just can't face another afternoon like that. I know boys (well, all children) can be rough but I don't think behaviour like that should be excused. Surely he needs to learn not to hurt and to respect other children. What is my next step here? Do I try talking again? Do I go and just keep intervening? Do I decline the invitation?

Is her name Petunia Dursley? " He's a boisterous little boy ".
She needs to get a grip on his behaviour. You are doing her a favour by calling him out on it.
Where's he learning this behaviour? Is his dad like this? Older siblings?

I'm afraid if she's that far in with her denial OP then you're not going to get anywhere with her. She needs to face it herself before you can do anything. You've absolutely done the right thing by keeping DD away from him.

He's 7?? Has he any SN? That kind of behaviour at 7 is a cause for concern.

Mind you, it could all be caused by your friend's appalling 'parenting' and crappy, outdated idea of gender and stereotyping.

Not all boys are like that, FFS! Have you pointed that out to her?

Why don't you punch her in the nose and tell her you couldn't help it; it's because you're a woman and she should toughen up.

FFS!

Glad to read your updates - you're doing the right thing. :)

She would probably prefer her child wasn't misbehaving. I'd just point out that meeting with DCs isn't working for you so you want to meet as adults.
Telling her that he 'won't get the chance to behave like that again' is very confrontational. Presumably if you were able to manage his behaviour better, you would have done so before he burst your DCs' nose. As adults, neither of you have been able to control, divert or manage his behaviour when you have met.

Everythingisso, he's an only child. His mum is a fiery character but by can't imagine her being aggressive. His dad is a completely chilled out, gentle man. He seems more aware of the behaviour but isn't often around when we meet up.
Gwen, thank you for commenting, I'm not sure how much of the thread you read but I don't think I ever said 'he wouldn't get the chance to behave like that again' or said anything confrontational until she responded to my message by asking me to have a chat with my dd to ask her to toughen up - that's when I got angry and I believe it was justified.

OP I think you've done the right thing, the whole "boys will be boys" attitude to rough and aggressive behaviour winds me right up (I've got 2 DS and a DD). Bottom line is, your child has a right to feel safe and not intimidated by a kid who is out of control (because his mum won't try to control him), sod the "needing to toughen up" bullshit. Well done.

She's not a lovely parent if she excuses his behaviour, enables it and doesn't set any boundaries or consequences for his behaviour. She is an idiot. Wait until he's a 'boisterous' teenager pushing her about because he has no respect for her.

She's not in the slightest bit lovely. She's delusional. I'd cut her off completely.

If my mother (or father) had continued to meet up with the parent/s of the person who bullied me I'd have considered it a complete betrayal. I'd think they were condoning the bullying on some level.

It's called victim blaming. And it doesn't wash.