After some sane advice.
A group of us met at uni. One of the group and I have a sexual history - I was in hindsight much more into them than they to me. A few years ago, they told me they did want to make a go of it between us, then promptly met someone else, didn't tell me but just stopped messaging, let me find out through another member of the group and then sent me an email to say they 'hoped it didn't change anything between us.' They then turned up to a party another friend had thrown for me, halfway through the meal, and sat with the rest of our mutual friends as though everything was fine. One of the mutual friends told me later that the rest of the group knew this person was coming but hadn't told me, and that they'd come because they wanted things to 'go back to normal'.
After this, I was super hurt. It bothered me far less that they'd met someone else and far more that I felt they'd - not for the first time - decided how they wanted things to be with no respect for my feelings or needs. and expected me tonfall in line. I always felt that they were a little embarrassed to be romantically linked to me, and this obviously didn't help. I decided I was done and that if this person was really interested in a friendship they'd make the effort to talk to me. They didn't.
This all happened 4 years ago. Since then, another of the group has got married so we all - including the person I have history with - saw each other then along with my now husband. They were all, I felt, hoping that we'd get pissed and bury the hatchet in true British fashion. I genuinely don't bear this person any ill will, and was entirely civil, but I have - as I made clear at the time - no interest in a friendship. They didn't really seem keen either. and after over a decade of feeling messed about and gaslighted by them, I just feel happier and healthier with some distance between us.
My issue really is this: I get the impression the others in the group think I'm being a pain in the arse and should just reconcile for the sake of the group. I think for them, as we're both happy with partners there shouldnt be an issue. For example, they continue to include both of us in group chats arranging to meet up/general chit chat and reminiscing, which just feels kinda uncomfortable. But then I feel like if I leave the chat it'll look really petty...agh! Feel about 15!!!
Have tried being honest about my feelings - in a rational and non-blamey way - and it just feels like the group take it as an inconvenient truth, sweep it under the rug and carry on. I am starting to feel quite hurt and resentful and to wonder whether any of these relationships can survive, but am prepared to be told I am wrong!
Wwyd? Agh!