to ask for money when you've given somebody something - I know you are all going to tell me IABU

[UndomesticBlonde]

Basically spent £70 on some ballet patent shoes. They ended up being too tight which I only discovered when I was walking in them. So after gathering dust for two years i put a post on my FB page asking friends if any were interested. A couple were including someone I work with. Anyway I brought them into the office for her to try on. Turns out they are too big but with an insole fit perfectly. At no point does friend offer money, I know she's going to try and get away with not paying for them. Even though she knows how close to the bone I am financially (although not for long as my DH who was made redundant now has a job starting September). She texts me on Friday saying how much do I want for them - several days after she's had them. I say - no worries no need to pay. Thinking she may offer something anything. I have £3 in my account and back in the office could now kick myself. I should have been straighter with her. If It makes any difference if it were me (and I have done) I would have offered money and just given it to them. I need to remember that no everyone is like that! Aaaarghhhh! I've got to leave it now but need someone to tell it to me straight not to be such a fool in future..By the way I think she sold her pair of similar shoes to another lady in the office...I think this is what grates me...

On my FB post I had them up for £20 although I said I would accept any offers...

Don't even know where to start with this one.

Reminds me of the the nearly bankrupt poster from last week who is on her uppers with her house about to be sold from under her, won't apply for JSA, won't increase her work hours because then she won't see enough of her kids, won't ask her baby daddy for help cos that would be an imposition.

that isn't you, is it, OP?

if you are getting down to your last £3 don't spend £70 on pumps, and if you must, check they fit before you buy them.

Did you miss the bit where she said she'd had them for two years?

The OP said she bought the shoes two years ago.

If you're gonna bitch about her finances, at least find a valid point to do it about.

I can see that it was a bit awkward as you said on FB that you would like £20 or any offer but then she didn't actually make an offer. She just accepted the shoes. You could have stated when she asked that you would have liked £20 but I think it is difficult to do that in retrospect as she may have felt that £20 was too much. I think it best to avoid selling things to friends or family if you need the money. It's much easier to negotiate with strangers.

People like you actually make me angry. All this oblique faux-politeness.
This ^

Now you know what to do next time.

YABU.

She offered to pay - you turned her down.

FWIW I think £20 is a bit steep for a pair of shoes that have been worn, but there was nothing to stop you texting back your bank details and asking her to put in what she thought was right, rather than telling her not to pay you. Your choice - your loss, I'm afraid.

YWBU to say that she could have them for free. But you know that already! In future, get your assertive on and tell the person how much you want upfront.

That said, I would never accept a gift like that, even if the person said they didn't want to be paid. I'd always get a bottle of wine/box of chocolates to say thank you, unless it was a birthday or Christmas present.

She offered. You said no. I'd say thanks at that point and move on. I'd maybe give flowers or something but i wouldn't push the cash.

When you said not to worry about it, did you expect her to insist on paying you nevertheless?

If you were flush enough 2 years ago to spend £70 on a pair of ballet pumps, were you embarrassed to ask for money in case it gave away how tight things are now?

It sounds like there's more going on than meets the eye.

Well yes YABU but I think you know that and just regret your stupidity now as obviously if you said "no need to pay" there was, er, no need to pay!!!

Hopefully lesson learnt OP?

Assertiveness training - perhaps.. I normally don't have a problem asking for what I want. In this case I guess I had thought of this colleague as a friend more than a colleague, but actually I had a lightbulb moment this morning when I realised that she was and had been using me because of my management position, and that's when I got angry about the money. I feel a bit used re something else.. but I'm not going into too many details.It is my fault and yes there is more too it; but it's not really about money. I have savings, a pension and we can still buy the odd thing in Waitrose (normally Aldi or even CostCo).

She did offer to pay? You then told her not too - I don't really understand

£70 for ballet pumps is an absolute rip off.

I think it best to avoid selling things to friends or family if you need the money. It's much easier to negotiate with strangers.

Not really, just be upfront and send a general message "got this, selling for £xx, anyone interested?"
People are free to reply or ignore.

I know she's going to try and get away with not paying for them. she clearly isn't, she ASKED you:
She texts me on Friday saying how much do I want for them

Thinking she may offer something anything.
Why on earth should she? Many people would get really offended to be given a fiver when they give something away.

As already said by everybody else: if you want money, ask.
Do not give something away to ask for money later.
Do not refuse money when someone offers if they want them
Just be clear on how much you want from the start, it's not that difficult...