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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask for money when you've given somebody something - I know you are all going to tell me IABU

65 replies

UndomesticBlonde · 17/07/2017 10:32

Basically spent £70 on some ballet patent shoes. They ended up being too tight which I only discovered when I was walking in them. So after gathering dust for two years i put a post on my FB page asking friends if any were interested. A couple were including someone I work with. Anyway I brought them into the office for her to try on. Turns out they are too big but with an insole fit perfectly. At no point does friend offer money, I know she's going to try and get away with not paying for them. Even though she knows how close to the bone I am financially (although not for long as my DH who was made redundant now has a job starting September). She texts me on Friday saying how much do I want for them - several days after she's had them. I say - no worries no need to pay. Thinking she may offer something anything. I have £3 in my account and back in the office could now kick myself. I should have been straighter with her. If It makes any difference if it were me (and I have done) I would have offered money and just given it to them. I need to remember that no everyone is like that! Aaaarghhhh! I've got to leave it now but need someone to tell it to me straight not to be such a fool in future..By the way I think she sold her pair of similar shoes to another lady in the office...I think this is what grates me...

OP posts:
MsSusanStoHelit · 17/07/2017 11:05

Yeah, sorry, you are being unreasonable here: you literally told her not to pay you. I get that it's difficult to ask for money from friends but I would take that at face value, I wouldn't try to force money on you.

Next time I would put an actual price on your FB post: "Any one want these? Never worn, too tight for me, I paid £70 but would cheerfully take £30 for them to get them out of the house."

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 17/07/2017 11:05

You are being ridiculous. You offered them. You told her you didn't want anything. At no point did you ever say they were for sale!

NooNooHead1981 · 17/07/2017 11:06

I have done this in the past - I think it stems from low self esteem and some kind of passive aggressive tendencies. For me, when I've been too embarassed or not assertive enough to speak up, I've put myself in situations that I've regretted and then wished I'd said what I actually meant.

Maybe see this as a lesson learned the hard way and promise yourself to be more assertive next time and say what you mean.

When I do this, I chalk it up to experience and move on. It is hard, I know, when things are tight and there was a lot of money involved but if you had been that desperate for the money, you'd have made more of a point of asking her for it! Confused

Nowwhatsthis · 17/07/2017 11:06

FFS, no wonder you're skint if people have to insist before you accept money!

There's a lot of people who give things away for free without expecting anything, how was she to know you're not one of them?

AceholeRimmer · 17/07/2017 11:08

If you want money, you ask for it on the initial advert... and then at least take her up on paying when she offers after. You sound like one of those people who expect everyone to read your mind and get pissed off when they get it wrong. You know for next time!

Original poster
UndomesticBlonde · 17/07/2017 11:10

On my FB post I had them up for £20 although I said I would accept any offers...
I don't normally expect people to read my mind. I probably shouldn't have posted. The person that called me a weirdo though?

OP posts:
Glumglowworm · 17/07/2017 11:10

YABU

At no point did you mention you wanted money for them. When your friend offered you money, you declined.

If you want to sell something you need to be upfront about it, to avoid the awkwardness of asking for money once someone has committed to what they might think is free.

And ffs if someone asks you how much, tell them, don't be a drip

Original poster
UndomesticBlonde · 17/07/2017 11:11

now I don't usually give things away and am quite good with the money I have...

OP posts:
Madbum · 17/07/2017 11:12

You know she's going to try to get out of paying?
But you told her not to payConfused

RedStripeIassie · 17/07/2017 11:12

I don't need to be told twice that something's free.

I get that you're annoyed but it's not her fault.

LIZS · 17/07/2017 11:15

Sorry , she gave you the opportunity to ask for money. Are you normally lacking in confidence and assertiveness skills? Could your generosity and being unable to say no be partly responsible for your financial issues?

ASDismynormality · 17/07/2017 11:15

She asked how much you wanted and you said nothing, it's your own fault!

toosexyforyahshirt · 17/07/2017 11:16

yabvu, OP.

And stop thinking mean things about your friend, who did nothing wrong.

ConstanceCraving · 17/07/2017 11:16

Hang on did you post on FB saying you wanted £20 or if anyone was interested in them?

The colleague asked how much you wanted for them, you said nothing.

You can't expect people to say " no here's x amount " just because you wanted them to whether they should have done or not.

thereallochnessmonster · 17/07/2017 11:19

You are a muppet, OP. You need to say what you mean in future, for heaven't sake.

New shoes for sale, £30 ONO.

Foxysoxy01 · 17/07/2017 11:20

I would actually find it a bit rude if I had said to someone not to worry about paying for said item but they basically demanded I take money for said item anyway!

IHeartDodo · 17/07/2017 11:25

I'm a bit surprised you spent £70 on shoes if things are so tight...
But back to the point - you should have said "they were £70, what would you like to pay?" and she probably would have offered something sensible!

BraveBear · 17/07/2017 11:26

She texts me on Friday saying how much do I want for them - several days after she's had them. I say - no worries no need to pay.

LMAO! Text her back and say "Actually I'm flat broke so forget that last message. Shall we call it £15?"

Lynnm63 · 17/07/2017 11:26

Sorry, this is entirely your own fault. Even if you had them up for sale at £20 you didn't say a price when asked how much do I owe you. That was the time to say £20 or whatever figure.

toosexyforyahshirt · 17/07/2017 11:35

On my FB post I had them up for £20 although I said I would accept any offers

funny how you didn't mention that in the OP, even though it was totally relevant. Almost as if it were an afterthought....

NellieFiveBellies · 17/07/2017 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OohMavis · 17/07/2017 11:43

I'm not sure why people are being so rude. Did everyone miss the bit where she said "I've got to leave it now"?

OP, I'm awful at asserting myself too. I often get myself into situations like these and end up regretting my words. Let this be a reminder for you!

OnionKnight · 17/07/2017 11:50

Sorry but this is your own fault.

AUsernameThatNooneHas · 17/07/2017 11:56

Aside from what everyone has said you are financially down and paid £70 for a pair of shoes?!!!!!Hmm

Rosieposy4 · 17/07/2017 11:57

Other than being unreasonable re the payment front, if you are getting down to your last £3 don't spend £70 on pumps, and if you must, check they fit before you buy them.