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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to miss having my little boy in our bed?

33 replies

flownthecoopkiwi · 17/07/2017 09:24

We have co slept with both children since birth, with both staying in until around 3.5 years. Our DD has been in her own bed happily since then and when we had our DS he has been in our bed. He has always had a bed and bedroom but we hadn't pushed him to move out, although we were planning to. This weekend we bought him a film character duvet cover and now he will only go to sleep in his own big boy bed. We had to go in and wake him up this morning.

AIBU to be pleased that he has made the transition and that DH and i can have the bed to ourselves, but also be very sad that I can't snuffle him all night anymore?

OP posts:

LovelyBath77 · 17/07/2017 09:30

Yes, I feel the same.

Summerisdone · 17/07/2017 09:38

YANBU.
I've always had DS in my bed, he's now a few months off 3 and I recently re-decorated his bedroom and he's now got a big boy bed with Thomas the Tank bedding.
He loves it so much he doesn't want to sleep in my bed but still likes to sleep with me, so I've not put up any arguments when he sometimes asks me to sleep with him in his single bed

It's just so nice to have them next to you to cuddle.

Elendon · 17/07/2017 09:39

Sleeping with a child is lovely. I co slept with my son for most of his first 10 years because he simply did not sleep otherwise. However, even though I was delighted that he finally went into his own bed, at long last, I knew it was the end of an era and I did shed a tear or twenty.

My daughters used to come into our bed at random times though, after they went independent, which was a lovely surprise.

Notsosureanymoors · 17/07/2017 09:50

Just about to move my 3 month old to her own cot in her own room. I really cannot understand co sleeping. I think it would be really upsetting for both parties to sleep together for that long and then separate, I'd rather do it whilst she isnt aware and wont be upset (although i am looking forward to snuggly sunday mornings as a family) to you OP.

corythatwas · 17/07/2017 10:13

Well NoSoSure, it seems the OPs ds is not upset at all, but happy to sleep all night in his big boy bed. And the OP is pleased too, just a little bit nostalgic as most of us get in times of transition.

My SIL co-slept with her son as well, and I don't think that caused any problems either. He was happy to move out, she was fine with it too.

Elendon · 17/07/2017 10:17

My son has autism and had severe anxiety at night when little, hence the co sleeping. It really was a matter of safeguarding him. However, I do understand the OP's post. Plus he's obviously ready for it. He'll be back for snuggles at some point!

BertieBotts · 17/07/2017 10:17

Yep, nothing upsetting about it here either!

I think the parents being upset is mainly that feeling of aww, they aren't little any more! - Which you can't avoid in any case so no reason not to co sleep. :)

BertieBotts · 17/07/2017 10:17

Yep, nothing upsetting about it here either!

I think the parents being upset is mainly that feeling of aww, they aren't little any more! - Which you can't avoid in any case so no reason not to co sleep. :)

TittyGolightly · 17/07/2017 10:18

Just about to move my 3 month old to her own cot in her own room.

That goes against all SIDS guidance.

I really cannot understand co sleeping. I think it would be really upsetting for both parties to sleep together for that long and then separate

Do you sleep with a partner?

Orangebird69 · 17/07/2017 10:20

Notsosure - it's not recommended that babies go in their own room before 6 months to help reduce the chance of SIDS.

OP, I'll be the same I'm sure. My ds is 21mo and we still cosleep (I'm still bfing too). I've bought his bed, mattress, curtains are beng made, storage solutions on order for his own room but I'm still a bit reticent to actually put him in his own room 😕

BlackStars · 17/07/2017 10:20

I have the opposite - I never co slept and mine have always been in their own rooms although they would crawl in with us at random times in the night. Now they are older they just pre empt it and get in our bed to start with! I'm happy they will leave of their own accord some time soon and it's nice to snuggle so I leave it be.

Notsosureanymoors · 17/07/2017 10:28

Totally get that, but all advice goes against co sleeping too! So no judgment either way please, you don't know our baby.

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 17/07/2017 10:31

You're so lucky! Mine hasn't come into my bed since he gave up night feeds. He's nearly 6. 😢

Elmo230885 · 17/07/2017 10:40

I'm with notsosure on this one. Our DD sleeps very well in her own room. She gets less disturbed by us and its made life simpler for the early morning feed. She has been in her own room for a couple of weeks now, she's 16 wks today

Everyone is different, this works best for us

ParadiseCity · 17/07/2017 10:42

They really should do Thomas duvet covers in double and king size

Original poster

flownthecoopkiwi · 17/07/2017 10:43

We co slept from birth with both, didn't intend too with the first but it just happened (BF at night so much easier and it just felt right).

DD is now 9 and comes in for morning snuggles. DS will do that too I think. Ah, I know it's time for him to find his independence but still! He's growing up :(

Although when DH is away I get DD in the bed, so may find them both back in then!

OP posts:

Notsosureanymoors · 17/07/2017 10:43

Thanks elmo. Our DD has slept through since week 2, she does 7pm til 8am religiously and she has a breathing sensor mat and monitor and we're in a flat so shes 1 door away,every baby is different. I'd never dream of cosleeping as all the advice goes against it but I'd never judge people that do it if it works for them and their baby.

Orangebird69 · 17/07/2017 10:44

Elmo, it's not about getting them to sleep well, it's about reducing SIDS....

Orangebird69 · 17/07/2017 10:46

Notsosure, if you wouldn't dream of cosleeping as all advice is against it, why are you putting your baby in her room before 6 months when all advice goes against that too?

Herewegoagain01 · 17/07/2017 10:47

My 4mo ds sleeps in our bed. He's the first of mine to cosleep. I'm going to feel really sad when he sleeps in his own bed. OP I'm sure your ds will get in to your bed for plenty of cuddles though! Not quite the same I know!

Herewegoagain01 · 17/07/2017 10:48

Also I don't think the OP meant to start a debate...

MyCalmX · 17/07/2017 10:49

All right notsure this isn't really a thread about you and your preferences

Dd1 wouldn't ever cosleep and was in her own room at 16 weeks happy as Larry. Dd2 is nearly 2 and still in my bed.

I will miss her but by God am I looking forward to my bed back all night without her tuffy little hair tickling my face.

MrsOverTheRoad · 17/07/2017 10:52

I have a NINE year old who still angles for my bed and when I do let her (rarely now) it's lovely!

I do like hugging her. So YANBU at all.

My oldest DD dumped me at 4...never to co-sleep again. Bless her independent soul.

Original poster

flownthecoopkiwi · 17/07/2017 10:53

Oh, I've been through the co sleeping debate before. We were told not too but the health visitor first time around. I read into the research and found that if you don't drink too much or smoke or do drugs and BF, then the risks are low and the benefits for us high.
Second time around I didn't mention it and were sure of our decision.

The BF thing is impt with co-sleeping. Research has shown that when you BF there is a hormonal response which means that you sleep differently and are much more aware of where your baby is in the bed. Weird but true.

Can't imagine not having done it this way, esp as I went back to work PT since 12 months both times. It always felt like I was missing out on less time with them.

OP posts:

TittyGolightly · 17/07/2017 10:55

Our DD has slept through since week 2, she does 7pm til 8am religiously and she has a breathing sensor mat and monitor and we're in a flat so shes 1 door away,every baby is different

The guidance is because. Abuse under 6 months can forget to breathe. Being able to hear and adult breathe reminds them to, hence reduced sids risk. It's not about you being able to hear them. 🙄

I'd never dream of cosleeping as all the advice goes against it but I'd never judge people that do it if it works for them and their baby.

All advice? Were it not for cosleeping the human race would not still exist. The majority of babies around the world cosleeping. It's a western idea that babies should sleep alone as soon as possible whilst their parents get comfort from sleeping together.

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