Negative weight loss comments

[imjusthereforasec]

I am mid way through a large weight loss programme. I have lost enough now that it is noticeable and I feel a little more body confident but still got a fair way to go to reach goal (at least 3 stone).

Mostly its been really positive comments, but what's with the

"you don't want to lose too much"
"you'll waste away if you lose any more"
"Don't lose too much you'll look gaunt"

These are all comments I have had in the last week from slim women. My goal weight is to be in the 'healthy' BMI range so nothing silly!

So far I have laughed off them off but it's getting a little repetitive, especially one 'friend' who seems to make the comments each time i see her. I genuinely want to understand why people say this or AIBU?

JELL.

OBVS

Keep going. You're doing brilliantly

Ignore the jellus bitches!

Because they are probably nervous about the shift of power in your relationship from you losing weight and gaining confiendence - especially around men and or at work.

I know the feeling, I've had the same comments. I guess they're worried that you're going to stop being the fat one. I never realised how many people liked having me as their fat friend to make them feel better about themselves till I started losing weight.

What the pp's said. When one has been overweight, it is very difficultly believe that anyone would be jealous and/or insecure by someone else's weight loss, but it is true that this happens to most people who lose weight.
You are doing brilliantly, Op, just nod and smile and carry on. Their problem, not yours!
(Or you could try the famous MN "Did you mean to sound so rude?")

I kind of get that I am stepping out of the view they have of me and that may play a part and that I'm the 'fat friend' I am just gobsmacked people say these thinrgs and think they are being, what, kind? helpful?

Not necessarily jealousy. Sometimes when we lose weight others struggle with the transition, each time they look at you you don't quite look like they expect. It takes a while for them to get used to you at your new weight. In the meantime you will look thinner to them than someone else of compatible weight.

When I hit current weight 6 months ago my partner actually said I looked like I'd been in a concentration camp. Now he's used to it. It's only just into healthy BMI but it was a big change and he and others took a while to get used to it.

But to be honest I'm still not used to it, and will double take when I catch my reflection lol

I've lost some weight recently (still in healthy BMI), and get called 'skinny'. I don't feel like skinny is even said in a nice way.

I'm fed up with it, I just ignore it now.

Well done Malibu and Golden on the weight loss. I'm. It on a diet I've come to realise i need to choose healthy the majority of the time and so it hurts when effectively someone is saying "don't lose anymore weight, stay fat and unhealthy because I can't cope with you looking different?!?"

*not on a diet

As long as you don't get to an unhealthy weight, then just keep doing you.

I had a friend, she went down from 17stone to about 12 I think. I encouraged her all the way.

When she came over to mine she saw a dress that was a size 8. I said it was used as inspiration of me to lose weight. I get met with a -

"Not being funny but when have you ever been a size 8?"

It really hurt. It also hurt that she kept telling me I'd look wrong if I got to my target of 9stone.

I think it's partly jealousy (even if they are skinny) because you're making such a big positive change to your life. It's not even necessarily purposeful. I was going to the gym with a friend and I had this weird pang when she lost more than I did even though I was happy for her, I had to tell myself to get many grips. I never vocalised it to her though, that would have been beyond unfair.

If it is a big loss over a short period it may be a shock for them to see and it may be genuine concern for your wellbeing.

Try not to take it personally, keep going and stay healthy well done!

I think that when people start to lose weight they plot it on some graph and want to be in the right ratio for their weight / height... but I personally don't think that one size fits all. I have a friend who recently lost 4 stone, she has worked really hard. I admit I have said to her "you look great... you don't need to lose any more" not because I'm jealous or like having her as a fat friend as people on here have suggested... but because she looked bloody I'll and gaunt. She may have wanted to lose that last stone but the weight was coming off her face not her bum and it broke my heart to see her look so unwell. Someone even asked her if she was having treatment for cancer which was bloody rude

Well there's that old saying that you can be thin and look old or you can be fat and look young :-) I plan on being s slightly overweight old lady to avoid that gaunt look. If you're over 40, chances are as you lose weight, you gain wrinkles.

I completely understand Smarty but i think it takes a while for your skin to catch up with your weight loss, having seen a good friend lose over 11stone it took nearly a year before she stopped looking gaunt - she kept the weight off and then went on to lose a bit more to get to goal and she looks amazing - she ate well and was getting fit so offered nothing but positive comments.

It's not necessarily jealousy, especially if the comments are from slim women.

Losing a serious amount of weight, can alter someone's appearance quite dramatically, so perhaps they need time to adjust how they see you.

I remember glancing the cover of a magazine and seeing a very overweight (to my eyes) woman on the front cover.

When I opened it up and read the story, it was about her massive weight loss and contained a 'before' photo where she had been morbidly obese.

After reading, I flicked back to the front cover and suddenly she looked a lot slimmer to my eyes.

That's probably all it is. If you went to another town where no-one knew you, they'd probably see you as someone who needs to lose weight, but obviously those who knew you before, will see you differently.

I plan on being healthy and fit Glitter so that I can run around with my kids and not feel uncomfortable. Couldn't give a rats arse about wrinkles (and I'm over 40)

Also I think the same applies when people say their friends look 'gaunt'.

They probably don't to people who have never seen them before.

But if you're used to your friend having a 'full' or 'fat' face, then of course they're going to look different to you personally.

"you don't want to lose too much"
"you'll waste away if you lose any more"
"Don't lose too much you'll look gaunt"

I could have written those before even reading . I mean,can you imagine saying to people ooh you're looking fat, ooh be careful you don't want to get any fatter

I had the exact same thing and it wasn't even a huge amount of weight that I lost . It IS jealousy. Ignore and carry on.

I've lost large amounts of weight (several stone) and had these sorts of comments.

I've no doubt some of them stem from a weird sort of social heirarchy competitiveness BUT I've also experienced a weird reaction when seeing someone I know who has suddenly lost a lot of weight.

It's just sort of weirdly disconcerting. Like a pp said, I think it takes a while for your brain to process the changes, and I think a natural subconscious conclusion is that the person is displaying signs of illness.

The more conscious part of your mind knows that it is deliberate weight loss, but I think the clash between what you rationally know and what your evolutionary intuition whispers to you (illness) causes a weird sort of mental unease that people then express in all sorts of discouraging ways (not knowing themselves quite where the disapproval comes from).

Anyway, I have obviously thought too much about this! But, having been on both sides, this is the best explanation I can come up with (other than competitiveness/jealousy which no doubt also exists.)

Sounds like the stupid sort of comment I would say, but in a joking/congratulatory way, like don't lose too much or we won't be able to find you if you stand side on. Are you sure they mean it cruelly?

Then again I do suffer from foot in mouth.

Jealousy. I previously lost 6 stone and a "friend" said that she thought that I looked exactly the same and couldn't notice any weight loss.

Wow peachyk, that was definitely jealousy... Congrats op and others on weight loss!

Mostly jealousy and insecurity, I'd imagine.
I've lost a bit over 4 stone and get people telling me I don't want to lose any more. Actually, i know my body better and I can see and feel more tummy flub to lose!

Also, may I suggest strength training? Being able to flex and make a good bicep is wonderfully cheering 😁

I know the feeling it has happened to me! I don't it's jealousy... a lot of naturally slim women are just as insecure as "heavy" ones. I think there might an actual concern that you'll join their "dark side" which isn't unicorns and rainbows either.