DSC and Child benefit

[evilstepmuvva]

Have posted in AIBU for traffic.
My DSC has been completely poisoned against us by ex wife and whilst this is devastating we have accepted the decision because DSC is almost an adult.
However there is a case open with CMS. But in the last few months we have been told 100% that DSC is no longer in education and is in fact earning a very good wage (massively over minimum for a 17 year old)
However CMS are fucking useless. We asked them months ago to check whether ex wife is still eligible for CB therefore making maintenance payable and we have been told numerous times they would check. They still haven't.
We have then been told by a relative of ex wife that DSC is absolutely no longer at college and is in fact working full time and paying board.
Is there any way my DH can confirm himself whether child benefit is in payment for his child?
Don't get me wrong if it is then maintenance will be paid however ex wife fraudulently claimed for years as a single mother (while living with a rich fiancé and taking cash in hand from DH) unfortunately we didn't find out about this until she had stopped doing it.
There is a complicated backstory as to why we have been told of DSCs new circumstances but it is very identifying I'm just at my wits end because CMS are so fucking shiftless!

If the money goes straight to child why does it matter?

Claiming as a single parent is fraud if she wasn't. But it doesn't matter to a CSA claim, nor does her partner's income. And whether or not he saw the kids,, doesn't matter to amount paid bar overnights. Your step son is entitled to maintenance until he turns 18 unless he goes to uni, that's all you need to know really?

DSC is not being supported by their mother. They are paying rent and supporting themselves - believe me I know this for a fact my source is very close to home and thinks its disgusting how much rent she actually takes from her child! Has even offered to guarantor on a flat for DSC (her relative has) but DSC won't accept because of how it will affect mum. Emotional abuse would hit new levels if they moved out.
We've even had the police called for attempting to make contact and threatened with a solicitors letter for 'harassment'

Step away...just step away.

The child doesn't want to see you. Respect that.

Well, she can't just have turned into a monster overnight. If she's "poisonous and abusive" (your words) then why the fuck has your husband allowed his son to remain in her care?!

A decent parent would be worried sick about their child and would have gone to court to fight for custody!

Such a shame you did not apply for custody before it reached this stage. Maybe you could send DSC money for driving lessons, car and insurance so they can be free. You could even rent them a flat.
Or just STFU and pay for the remaining 6 months or so and stop being so vitriolic.

Ok, so your one of the good SP types, I think just pay untill 2 months time, and send a letter to the CSA if they still exist to request they check if child is in education or fultime work.

If your money is sent via yourselfs, then use a savings account come Sept and keep the money to one side and send a letter now to the house requesting proof the child is in school for sept term, or you will accept the silence as proof the child has left education, I would send one Recorded as well to prove you tried to contact the mother.

Tbh I believe that mothers who deny good fathers access shouldn't be allowed to claim maintenance.

oh goody! pay-per-view children - would your DH pay extra if the child did tricks too?

Literally none of this is relevant to DSS's maintenance OP.

And though you obviously have an 'inside man' and she has a friend/relative she can't actually trust, that person would have no idea if she was taking 'rent' from her son and putting it aside as a nest egg for him. Which an awful lot of parents with resident children do when those children start earning. You need to stop gossiping and speculating.

Omg I can't believe the nastiness here! OP has been very clear about the situation. Her DH has TRIED to be there for his child. You're all being so unbelievably unpleasant. It's depressing. OP, for what it's worth I understand your perspective.

Am aware rules can be different. But also pretty sure the OP did not state where they live. So was just pointing out that it can happen.

What am I missing here? The gov website says child maintenance is paid up to 16 unless said child is in full time education and then until 20. Irrespective of moral obligations, benefit fraud or tightness of either parent, that is what it says.

So where are people getting 18 from and disregarding the child working full time now, possibly in an apprenticeship?

Ok it's Saturday night and two glasses of wine in, but isn't everything else moot if this is the case?

Source: googled "what age does child maintenance stop", result from gov.uk website.

CHB isn't dependent on school attendance either. Where you plucked that idea out of is a mystery. Otherwise the swathes of home educated children wouldn't be entitled to receive it.

Personally it fucks me off when (normally female) RP is painted as evil, abusive and the devil incarnate, yet the NRP is quite happy to leave their children in her care.

This woman has been painted as abusive and labelled "poisonous" yet her ex was quite happy to leave his children in her care.

If she's that bad, would you not do all you could to fight for custody and protect your kids?

Yawn. My daughters dad tells anyone who will listen that I won't let him see her. That I'm evil and awful. And his friends lap it up. Doesn't mention the bits about us waiting around for him to turn up and he doesn't. Or hammering on the door shouting to the neighbours that I'm a 'fucking whore' when he isn't supposed to be having her. Never offered a penny for her. But no I'm the bitch obviously and all his hard or thinking friends believe him of course.

@HotelEuphoria children now have to be in education or training until 18 years of age, though.

OP - I don't know enough about maintenance and Child Support etc to comment on the ins and outs. However, I would say you are being given a hard time on MN over your question.

I totally understand where you are coming from and, FWIW, I have been married to my husband for over 20 years, we have 4 children and neither of us has step-children, so I have no vested interest in this thread.

However, if my DH had a child, who had been poisoned by DM and was NC, I would be keen to know if said DM was claiming illegally. Also, if DC is earning good money and is paying DM and you are also paying DM, then i would be looking to put money directly into an account for DC rather than give DM even more money. Do you know who pays for DC clothing etc nowadays? I have a DS who is 19 - he works full time, earns good money and pays housekeep to me. Obviously we do not get child benefit for him, we feed him, he has his own bedroom, showers daily and uses a fair amount of electricity. But in the scheme of things, I really don't think he costs a huge amount extra. Therefore, I'm afraid I don't see why everyone is saying that CB and housekeeping from DS would be nowhere near enough to keep DC.

I admit we struggle, but I guess what I'm really saying is I sympathise with OP and her husband who are being given a hard time here when it is not that they begrudge dc the money but rather feel it unfair that DM seems to be claiming money she isn't entitled to, as well as taking it from DS and OP. From my understanding, OP is not wishing to fund DM lifestyle, rather than stop supporting DC.

OP is not wishing to fund DM lifestyle, rather than stop supporting DC

Child maintenance is legally payable. End of.

Plenty of PWC - myself included - earn well enough to not need maintenance. That doesn't mean it shouldn't be paid.

Tonkatol if you give it to the SC instead of the Ex then it's a gift to the child not maintenace, so you end up being done for it any paying twice.

@caffeinestream yes in your case that's horrible, but is it not acceptable to take the OP at face value and accept that she is presenting her version of the situation as truthfully as she can, and offer advice on the original question??? I'm sorry you've been put through this. It's not right. However I know from first hand experience that some RP use their children as revenge objects. That's never good.

We don't get CB because DH earns too much, if XP stopped paying maintenance I'd shove his head so far up his own arse he'd turn inside out.

Bit excessive yes, but us having money (basically DH supporting his DSD) doesn't absolve him of his parental responsibility.

Don't you think, given that your DH hasn't been parenting his DC for many years, the least he can do is pay maintenance? And not quibble over it?

Even IF she is charging DC rent, believe me, it won't be as much as it would cost in the real world, so his dreadful ex is still going to be subsidising the DC.

Oh, and your "source" doesn't sound too impartial, so I'd take what they say with a pinch of salt.

@gingergenius it never happened to me, I don't have kids.

But what I don't understand is why, if the ex is so poisonous and awful, these men are happy to sit back and let them raise their kids?

CM is only payable for a child over 16 if they are still in full time education (up to the age of 20).

CHB definitely stops being payable when a child over the age of 16 years leaves full time education. Home education that commenced before the age of 16 is counted as full time education for CHB purposes. Apprenticeships are counted as full time work for the purposes of CHB too.

As DSC is employed full time, CHB should cease after the 20 week run on and CM should also no longer be payable (in law)

Caffeinestream - I believe you're referring to the term used for children being NEET - 'Not in Education, Employment or Training'
As the DSC is employed, I don't the LA would look into it any further (???)

The legal position stated above has nothing to do with my own personal views on NRP's paying CM, as I have a DS of a similar age and have only received £30 CM in his whole lifetime
But OP has asked a question from a legal standpoint and therefore her posts are valid on that basis.

Personally I think the whole CM system is a joke and NRPs who pay nothing or only the bare minimum (according to the rubbish CM calculator) towards their own child/ren are selfish human beings who seem to have a ridiculous notion that the few shillings they pay are somehow funding 'lavish lifestyles' of the RP who does the majority of the work raising the child.

I also accept that this is not always the case and there are NRPs who contribute more than the minimum and the RPs who use their children as pawns are equally selfish.

I think you're getting a hard time here tonight. It's frustrating when the father has no access to his kids and maintenance is usually the issue. My DH has paid well and beyond the CMS amount, because he knew it was the right thing to do. His EXW wouldn't allow contact between him and his kids for 2yrs. He messaged them every fucking day to make contact and finally they rescinded.
Now his DS gets tickets to footie matches that they were supposed to go to together and then tells DH that he's taking his friends instead. 'D'SS is 19 going on 20 and is still getting £350pcm child maintenance. Despite being in ft work and no education at all. I resent that payment.
Dsd is going to Uni next year. More than happy to pay that, and we're offering more to help her.
His EXW has just asked us to financially help her out with moving costs. She got 2/3rds from the settlement. All the furniture. The car and the kids. My DH was left with debt, and an ex that wouldn't allow sleepovers or proper visitations. I get where evil is coming from. It's not all black and white.

Your DP should contribute regardless of what his son's mother does or says she does with the money. Even past 18 kids need financial support - 2 of mine are early 20's and I still help them. You know - a child reaching 18 may legally mean you don't have to pay CM but it doesn't mean you shouldn't.