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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Very very honest work colleague driving me nuts

52 replies

robertaaa · 15/07/2017 18:45

She's on a fixed term contract and I can end the contract with one weeks notice. I know it's mean but I find her rather irritating to be honest.

She's kind don't get me wrong. But she's cocky as anything. I don't know if it's just her personality and she doesn't even realise she's doing it but a few examples.

I didn't choose her originally for the role and the person previously chosen left. When I told her the previous person had left she came out with 'I know. Well I should have got it in the first place anyway. Oh well I'm here now'.

She has declared that she has never been rejected by any guy she's ever liked. She doesn't know why people stay in low paid jobs. She faced difficulty but always wanted a professional job and made sure she worked hard to get one. She applies her make up several times a day. She is over familiar. She sent me a link to a dog walking group in my area explaining her uncle goes and 'you'd be just his type'.

She saw someone wear the same dress as her which she noticed straight away but explained that 'she wears it much better anyway' when the person had left.

She marks her own work before handing it me. Telling me it's her 'predicted grade'. She informs me when work is set that she finds boring. She eats her lunch perched ON my desk. She seems to really like everyone and makes everyone feel liked and is incredibly warm.

There's no doubt she has an astonishing belief in herself. She's come from humble beginnings and done very well for herself.
She drives me bonkers but there's no harm in her. She's just very extrovert and doesn't seem to see anything as over stepping boundaries.
It comes in handy when someone is being nasty as she has none of it and tells them to get lost. She challenges injustice and has made positive points. But my goodness she's annoying.

Would you keep someone like this? Or would they drive you insane? Anyone worked with someone like this? Grin

OP posts:
robertaaa · 15/07/2017 18:47

Sorry that's a rather disorganised post but wanted to get the main points.

I just don't know if I'd be unreasonable to not renew the contract.

She loves working here, her work is exceptional. But she drives me bonkers.

OP posts:
AlternativeTentacle · 15/07/2017 18:47

I don't think anyone would ever dare to eat lunch perched on my desk.

How long have they been there?

UpsidedownEighteen · 15/07/2017 18:48

I like the sound of her!

gumphlumph · 15/07/2017 18:51

I'd be dubious about everyone else liking her to be honest. I bet they feel nervous of being anything other than overly nice to her if she's a bit forthright. She sounds like a bit of a pain to be honest but only you can decide if you can cope with her being around.

Hassled · 15/07/2017 18:52

I don't think you can (morally, ethically) not renew the contract of someone who is pleasant, well-meaning and competent, however irritatingly high her self-confidence is.

You just need to work out a way you can create some distance - is there some tenuous reason why one of you needs to move office?

Mezzalina · 15/07/2017 18:53

Love people like this! Warm, friendly and honest.

ElspethFlashman · 15/07/2017 18:54

She sounds absurdly insecure to me.

Are you her boss? Are you the one who sets her work?

user1497357411 · 15/07/2017 18:54

Don't fire her, but don't renew her contract. Just tell her you didn't fell you were the right match.

LordEmsworth · 15/07/2017 18:55

Isn't there a middle ground where you take on the key feedback - talking too much, disrespecting boundaries, sitting on your desk (wtf btw), rather than either putting up & shutting up or kicking her out?

She would drive me insane but unless your industry is over run with people producing "exceptional" work, I wouldn't want her anywhere else...

LockedOutOfMN · 15/07/2017 18:56

Can you have a word with her?

SpottedGingham · 15/07/2017 18:57

She sits on your desk to eat lunch? Shock

robertaaa · 15/07/2017 18:57

She sounds absurdly insecure to me
She is definitely, definitely NOT insecure. It may seem that way from what I've written but she has the highest self esteem of anyone I've ever met! She's incredibly extrovert and confident in who she is. I can tell this as she takes criticism brilliantly and is very open about her struggles and things she's not good at.

*Are you her boss? Are you the one who sets her work?8
Yes..unfortunately.

I think work is her only human company though. Seems to have friends but moved to the area recently so work seems to be her only company. So maybe she's just lonely.

OP posts:
AgainReally · 15/07/2017 19:00

Honest to a fault, calls out nastiness, predicts her own grades, justice warrior can't read that when people are finding her hard work...

As a woman with aspergers that was uncomfortable reading!

If you are direct about what you do and don't want her to do does it work?

newtlover · 15/07/2017 19:01

Speak to her in advance of renewing the contract outlining what you want to change
Then see if she does change
then renew or not
If she is lonely, maybe point her in the direction of activities/social groups she might enjoy- but NOT ones you do, obvs.

Naicehamshop · 15/07/2017 19:03

I think you would be doing her a massive favour if you let her know that her behaviour is inappropriate and she is trampling on other people's boundaries right, left and centre.

I know someone like this who is now in her 40s and she irritates the hell out of me! Angry

Tell her - you'll be doing the rest of us a favour.

WeyHay · 15/07/2017 19:05

You would be very unreasonable not to renew her because you don't like her. If you're her manager, manage her!

You say her work is exceptional. That's great! Now do your job, set some boundaries and let her get on with being exceptional.

ElspethFlashman · 15/07/2017 19:06

If you are her boss then some feedback wouldn't go amiss.

Like when she said the dress looked better on her I'd have mildly said "now now...."

When she declared the work you set her to be dull "It's usually best to at least feign enthusiasm to your boss you know....."

When she sits on your desk to eat lunch "Sorry but I have to send some personal emails, I'm gonna need my desk, thanks"

When she tries to set you up "thanks but no more of that please, I'm quite alright"

When she marks her own work "I'd rather you didn't do that anymore please - it implies you are trying to set your own grade and that's really not on"

robertaaa · 15/07/2017 19:07

Thanks everyone.

She is socially aware in some ways. Always knows what to do when someone is upset etc. Very good at reading people. She knows she is over familiar and apologises for it.

She says it's a pain being extrovert as she has no nerves when talking to people and can be over familiar.

For this reason I'd not know what to say to her as she already knows her behaviour isn't okay. She's just arrogant enough to think no one minds that much.

OP posts:
Truckingalong · 15/07/2017 19:08

Posts like this drive me bloody mad. You are her manager - so start managing her fgs. Call a meeting and say you want to discuss what happens next as the end of her contract approaches. Ask her how she thinks it's going and would she want to renew. Depending on what she says, just be honest with her - tell her her work is exceptional and you would like to keep her on but there are a couple of things that need to change in order for you to consider this. Then just tell her the factual stuff. And for Christ sake, get a grip and just tell her that she isn't to sit on your desk to eat her lunch.

robertaaa · 15/07/2017 19:08

By the way she literally sits ON my desk. Not AT my desk. I'm already sat at my desk. She perches ON the desk eating her lunch.

She seems to really enjoy my company which makes me feel awful.

OP posts:
NellieFiveBellies · 15/07/2017 19:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

robertaaa · 15/07/2017 19:09

It's not always as easy as 'just tell her'.
You have to be very careful. I still remember every telling off I got from a manager and it affected me for years. I do not want to hurt her badly.

OP posts:
PerspicaciaTick · 15/07/2017 19:11

Be careful that your actions don't end up looking like a personal vendetta against someone who (on paper) appears to tick every box for the role...it could make you look very unprofessional.

ElspethFlashman · 15/07/2017 19:11

But she sounds like she has the hide of a rhino!

Honestly you're coming across as being terribly meek, here.

Naicehamshop · 15/07/2017 19:12

What Trucking said.
You do need to start managing this girl for her sake as well as yours.

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