Very very honest work colleague driving me nuts

[robertaaa]

She's on a fixed term contract and I can end the contract with one weeks notice. I know it's mean but I find her rather irritating to be honest.

She's kind don't get me wrong. But she's cocky as anything. I don't know if it's just her personality and she doesn't even realise she's doing it but a few examples.

I didn't choose her originally for the role and the person previously chosen left. When I told her the previous person had left she came out with 'I know. Well I should have got it in the first place anyway. Oh well I'm here now'.

She has declared that she has never been rejected by any guy she's ever liked. She doesn't know why people stay in low paid jobs. She faced difficulty but always wanted a professional job and made sure she worked hard to get one. She applies her make up several times a day. She is over familiar. She sent me a link to a dog walking group in my area explaining her uncle goes and 'you'd be just his type'.

She saw someone wear the same dress as her which she noticed straight away but explained that 'she wears it much better anyway' when the person had left.

She marks her own work before handing it me. Telling me it's her 'predicted grade'. She informs me when work is set that she finds boring. She eats her lunch perched ON my desk. She seems to really like everyone and makes everyone feel liked and is incredibly warm.

There's no doubt she has an astonishing belief in herself. She's come from humble beginnings and done very well for herself.
She drives me bonkers but there's no harm in her. She's just very extrovert and doesn't seem to see anything as over stepping boundaries.
It comes in handy when someone is being nasty as she has none of it and tells them to get lost. She challenges injustice and has made positive points. But my goodness she's annoying.

Would you keep someone like this? Or would they drive you insane? Anyone worked with someone like this?

You've said she takes criticism on board and is aware her boundaries aren't quite right.

Talk to her. Tell her what you've said here and what she should do instead. You'd be doing her a favour.

I have to be careful. I don't know if it's just a personality clash.

That's why I asked for opinions. Some seem to think she's brilliant!

i have a child with AS and his sibling can spot AS a mile away now as can i. She works with a girl of very similar character to what you describe. She makes the rest of the office cringe at times with her forthright-ness. i also trained with a woman very very similar - in the end i had to say something and she was very appreciative, i did it very nicely and tactfully. She got assessed for AS and got diagnosed. i had to sy something because if affected her ability to carry out parts of the role and she did end up having to leave as there were certain things she couldnt grasp no matter how much extra training was put in.

unless there is a reason to not renew i wouldnt do that to her. but maybe just tactfully tell her when she is being inappropriate? i know everyone ive ever known with AS was fine about being told if they were doing something annoying to others. just do it nicely.

But she sounds like she has the hide of a rhino!

Honestly you're coming across as being terribly meek, here.

^This

But you said she is very confident, and also takes criticism extremely well. So presumably she will cope fine with being told not to sit on your desk. Besides, you don't need to "tell her of" just tell her her " I don't like it when you sit on my desk".

Paradoxically people who feel the need to show off and tell everyone how great they are, are the most insecure of them all.

Id tell her I want some peace for my.lunch in no uncertain terms.

Hmm. She actually needs her feelings hurting a bit, by the sound of it. She's rude, pushy and officious, yet manages to dress it up as 'warmth' and 'honesty'.
'It's a pain being extrovert' - the only reply to that is 'Not half as much of a pain as it is having to work with one.'

The kind of stuff you need to tell her is 'Your work is good but your manners need attention. I don't want to pick at you all the time but please stop telling everyone how wonderful you are. It's not charming. I'll remind you, gently, when you overstep the mark but please try to improve or we will not be able to keep you.'

I am 99% certain she is well aware of her behaviour and it's one long campaign for attention. Rather than lack of social awareness.

All the other managers think she's absolutely lovely. A delight to be around!

I know other work colleagues find her annoying but then some think she's fab.

Sit her down and tell her you are in two minds as to whether to end her contract or not. One one hand blah blah blah. On the other boundaries etc. Tell her you need to see these improvements: x, y and z otherwise you will have no option but to terminate. Tell her you really really want to extend it, but only if she can make these improvements.

"It's not always as easy as 'just tell her'. I still remember every telling off I got from a manager."

There is a world of difference between "telling" and "telling off".

"Isn't it time we had a bit of a development chat? I know that you're keen to progress and I'd like to support you. Where do you see yourself going? Oh interesting - when you're working directly for the Prime Minister, how do you think it would look if you sat on her desk to eat your lunch? How do you think she and the other cabinet ministers would perceive you? It's great that we have such a good relationship but that might actually make it hard for us both to recognise an appropriate boundary. Maybe we should work on that. Maybe you could have a think about how I can support you with respecting boundaries. [Grit teeth and smile while she tells you in detail]."

You are a manager. Manage her. You are blaming her for all the boundaries she is over stepping but you are the one allowing her to do so without pulling her up. Who the hell sits on their managers desk and not get told to get the hell off?

Pull her up every time she does something you dont need to be horrid just explain. Tell her you are the manager and you give out the work, it can't always be exciting life isn't like that and there is no need to comment on it and that you will assess her work you don't need her telling you what she expects you to write.

Just guide her and maybe you will make a difference to her attitude and she will turn out a valuable team member.

You don't have to focus on her personality. It's about whether she can fit in smoothly and work with everyone else as a team, without ruffling feathers. I don't think she's being super honest, more blunt and self-centered?

Hopefully you can make the most of her good points and minimise the impact of the bad points.

So she takes criticism well and is direct and you're moaning about her behind her back?

As a person who is often accused of being overly direct / blunt / rude. I would suggest you just tell her straight. She probably won't even bat an eyelid. e.g. "I hate it when you sit on my desk", "Don't sit on my desk" or "Oi, off, chair" depending on how direct you are willing to be. I doubt she will take offense and will start respecting your boundaries (like perhaps suggesting she grades her work secretly in a notepad, that you never have to set eyes on).

I would definitely suggest you tell her and see what difference it makes. I think she probably thinks you don't mind these character flaws. The same way I know I am blunt and don't tone it down for people who I think don't mind, but I do for others.

For heavens sake, just tell her...

People who are blunt tend to be able to handle bluntness in return. Go for the (very) direct approach.

You say she takes criticism well so I would give it a go. Tell her some things you are pleased with but also tell her you think she is being a bit unprofessional in giving her opinion of whether the work is boring or her "predicted grade" and so on. I'd stick to work related things only not how she is with co-workers and so on. She might notike it but it's better than not renewing her contract.

It also sounds like you work very closely, so can you move her desk a so she isn't with you so much? A bit of restructuring. Maybe in another office with different colleagues to annoy?

Thanks everyone. I know how to discuss the issues. I just didn't know if it was just a personality clash.

So I'm glad to see other would find this annoying too.

You're the manager - do your job and manage her FFS

Can you have an 'it's not you, it's me' chat where you tell her that you're an introvert and having a stream of consciousness coming at you, together with lack of personal space, is frying your brain. There are likely to be around an equal number of introverts and extroverts in the office too, so she might consider whether people are being receptive to non-work communication, e.g. monosyllabic responses, lack of eye contact, angling the body or head away from her might indicate that they would rather be left to get on with their work.

So if you know how to discuss the issues, what's stopping you? As others have said, it's not about telling her off or a personality clash. I agree, you can't and shouldn't say anything personal as such but professional conduct needs to be set out to her.

She sounds awful. When I recruit for my team it's 80 per cent how they fit 20 per cent can they do the job. I haven't had a bad' un yet. I would get shot of her as soon as you can.

Her work is exceptional - keep her - be honest and tell her you don't like her perched on her desk or when things are too personal etc.. how old are you... assert yourself but don't feel threatened by someone who is exceptional good at her work