AIBU Swimming lessons

[FeelingIrregular]

This is probably a stupid issue but wanted thoughts on it.

DD6 has been going to swimming lessons for 18 months and really loves it. She was going to a pool which was 0.9m throughout.

She's just about to finish her stage 4 and a couple of teachers have said for a few months that she would benefit from a deeper pool. I reluctantly agreed to try an alternative pool today. I was nervous though because when she first started lessons she would freak out when they jumped in as she was terrified she would 'sink'.

Her equivalent class today start off in the deep end which is 2.5m deep! She got in but looked at how deep it was and predictably freaked out again. They moved her to the next class down which was still 1.2m (she is only 1.1m) and she clung to the bar and wouldn't let go and spent the entire lesson crying. She can swim really well but can't deal with not being able to put her feet on the floor.

The teacher came to find me afterwards when I was calming her down as she was just so SO scared. She said that she should still come along as she would get used to it. I agreed but I said I want her to go back to the other pool if she is still scared as she clearly isn't ready.

I guess I'm asking if AIBU to insist she goes back to the baby pool?

Has anyone else's kids been like this and did they get over it and how? I want her to be able to swim as it is a life skill but I don't want her to be terrified. DD can be quite scared of things and sometimes needs gentle but firm encouragement to do something.

I'm also angry that they told me to move her to a different pool but I wonder if I'm being PFB.

Forcing her in obviously isn't good but really she won't be able to swim very often if she can never go out of her depth. I suppose some holiday pools are shallow throughout but you couldn't take part in any water sports or swim lengths of most pools. Can she articulate what scares her?

I was like this. I loved swimming at primary school and was quite good at it (for a little kid, nothing special). I got moved to the top group who swam in the deep end and it freaked me out. Hated not being able to touch the bottom. I wasn't moved back down and never really enjoyed it from then on. I can swim ok now and have even scuba dived (but I get anxious being underwater and I'm not usually an anxious person). I wish I'd asked to be moved back down.

But I'm sure others will have a different view on it. Maybe asking if she can start the lesson in shallow end then move gradually to deeper water? Or could you take her to the pool so she can gradually get used to it?

"DD can be quite scared of things and sometimes needs gentle but firm encouragement to do something."

You've given yourself the answer. Tbh it sounds like you're feeding her fear a bit. If you put her back in the baby pool she'll think she was right to be scared. My kids have swum in the deep end since 4 or 5 so I think you should have listened to the teachers before now really, but putting it off further isn't going to help her, she needs to get over her fear.

Stay in the medium depth class. Can't you take her yourself at the weekends to gradually acclimatise her? How often do you swim as a family?

I'm surprised they do stage 4 in the shallow end, they have to swim lengths in one pool here at stage 4 and proper widths in the other!

I'd definitely think it was something to work on rather than keep her in the baby pool. Cab you do a couple of 1-1s with the new teacher to get her used to it?

My son is short for his age and struggled in the deep pool

They panic half way across and it's scary!!

Leave her in the little pool or take her out til she's grown

Over the holidays keep going to a decent pool that is deeper and get her used to it.

Then come Sept she'll be fine in the deeper one.

Stage 4 at our local pool is in the big pool they use 2 lanes, so I'm surprised that it was in the little pool.
In the earlier stages was the group not taken into the big pool? My DS was from stage 1 they would jump in at around 1:2 mark and swim to the shallow water.
I would consider a couple of 121 lessons to see if that helps.

Why would you be angry with them? They suggested a perfectly reasonable progression for a child who can in fact swim.

However now it's clear she has an irrational fear it's up to you and her what to do about it. Talk to her. Spending the lesson clinging on crying isn't productive. But if she never tries deeper water she won't progress.
If she wants to go back to the pool she can stand in will you take her to other pools yourself? Does she accept she can't get used to it if she doesn't try it? She can't ever learn to dive in for example in such a shallow pool. What does she want?

It's a tricky one. If she's level 4 already she must be a really good swimmer - so presumably not that she needs to put feet down. Has she done distance badges? How far can she actually swim without touching down? And can she tread water? Again the more options she has for not sinking the safer she'll feel.

Could you take her somewhere with a deep pool in the holidays so you can take it at your own pace and not have to worry about joining in a lesson at the same time? Practice swimming from you to the edge or vice versa, so it can be a tiny distance at first. Even with a swim noodle or something to start with so she feels safe.

For both progressing with levels and swimming as a life skill, I think being able to swim in a bigger/deeper pool is good, so can see why your teacher wants her to move.

My two first started swimming in a deep pool so it was never in question; DD now swims in a 0.9m pool and it's not great for her, she keeps putting her feet down even if she doesn't mean to. She's a bit taller than your DD though and not as good a swimmer.

Leave her in the little pool for lessons but take her to the deep pool yourself.

My older 2 learnt well at lessons but my youngest (unexpectedly because he's generally fearless) freaked out and screamed for pretty much the entirety of 6 X 45 minute lessons, even though he himself had been the one to ask to start lessons!

He must have absorbed something, because a few trips to the pool later he started swimming between the side and me with minimal encouragement, and didn't panic at all. Not sure what was going on there but I'm encouraging g to build up his stamina / distance myself rather than sending him back to lessons!

Thanks for the responses to answer a few comments:questions...

1. "TBH it sounds as if you are feeding her fear a bit.

I didn't want to sound like a hard hearted bitch but when I posted the 'gentle but firm' bit, it's much more along the firm line. I don't dismiss her fears but I don't pander to them. I worry I'm harsh but I don't let her not do things I know she is capable of. However I will look at that more in case maybe I am feeding into her fear and not realising it.

2. "You should have listened to her teachers before".

When it was first mentioned in Feb (I think) the teacher said that she would benefit from a deeper pool but it would probably be best to move her in a few months when she is older and hopefully taller. I didn't refuse to move her to a deeper pool, the teachers didn't particularly push it. Now she is just turned 6 they said it was time, so I agreed.

We go swimming once a week as a family but haven't for a couple of months as I've been very poorly and we've been moving house. I'd already planned to start going regularly againin the summer hols. We love swimming and we do lots of our own work with her, diving for stuff, practicing the different strokes etc.

However our local pool won't allow under 8s past 1.4m. DD is 6 but looks 4.

catkind that's exactly the reason it was suggested she move because she would keep standing up halfway through a width even though she didn't need to.

I'm angry (irrationally) because watching her crying in terror today was really horrible and whilst ability wise yes she is ready, bravery wise perhaps not. I'm projecting on them unfairly probably because I feel I should have kept her in the small pool (she was in the highest class there and she would have had to move on once she completed most of stage 5 until treading water etc and the jumping in/pencil dive stage etc).

Thanks for everyone's responses. We're going back to the big pool next week and will do LOTS of swimming over the summer.

I reckon if she can practice going up to 1.4m she'd get used to being out of her depth and would get on much better. It may be the 1.2m class is a better fit at the new pool anyway for the moment till she gets used to swimming in deeper water. DS has had to move down levels because of going to a different teacher twice before, he caught up and moved up again quickly but there were gaps to fill. Different teachers seem to do things in slightly different orders.

For next week, maybe you could suggest to the teacher that your DD sits on the side to watch for a bit, then gets in if she's feeling ready. I think you're right that trying to force them to the extent they're scared and in tears is not going to be the best strategy. DS's class had a child who would only swim from shallow to deep not vice versa before, they worked with it till he was ready. No tears.

Not that it really matters, but how can you do stage 4 in a shallow pool, you need to be able to dive and swim to the bottom don't you? Certainly do to lots of things which require depth in stage 5? somersaults and jumping in etc.

Certainly, encouraging her into being comfortable out of her depth is the right route, going back to the shallow pool will not help her confidence.

My ds is level 4 and swimming lengths and diving off the diving board so not beyond the realms of possibility that she should be able to do that. I would persevere with the 1.2m class and see how she goes.

My DS has just passed Stage 1 and that was all in a big pool. They are half way up (maybe 1.2 m but he's only 5 and that's his height at most). This is partly because the toddler lessons are in the shallow end at the same time but none of them - not even the toddlers - can stand up. I really wouldn't move her back to a pool they can stand in!

Ds2 was like this. He didn't get to stage ,4 but was in the baby pool dong really well ( ,stage 2 ,I think) and then moved to the next group n the big pool. He is V small for his age (0.2 percentile) and was shorter than the pool depth. He struggled in week 1 and panicked being out of his depth. He wasn't keen to go back but we talked to him and to his teacher and came up with a plan. He would always be nearest the edge of the pool and was able to hold on at anytime. The teacher didn't put any pressure on him for the first few weeks but just let him get used to the depth. We took him to the deeper pool and got him used to it.

It took a while and his swimming got worse before it got better but no he can swim like a fish and wants to dive of the ten metre board !
Keep going , it does get better

AS a swimming teacher, I take all my children to the deep end occasionally from 3years old to teach them it's just same.
There is no way I'd pass a child to stage 4 without them being comfortable in the deep end.
And our pool, stage 3 onwards is lengths.

At our swim school the beginners class are in the deep end. You dont get to go into the shallow end until you can do a width on your front and your back without floats.

As with other posters I'm amazed she passed stage 4 without being comfortable out of her depth. How did she tread water?

Stage 4 and never been in the deep end ....how?

They start going in the big pool in stage 3 here. Stage 4 completely in the big pool, at the deep end.

To be honest if she can't swim without having to put her feet on the floor she's not that good a swimmer. She (everyone, really) will never learn to properly swim until she's out of her depth. She'll also be made to swim in the middle of the pool if she always hangs on to the side - not to begin with, of course, but you can't progress to stage 5 until you can swim a length completely independently.

I think unless its a national 'stage 4' then we are all talking at crossed purposes....

if your DC cant swim a width without putting her foot on the floor she would not have passed stage 1 in our national swim lessons, which are nationally accredited. in stage 2 our little ones swim lengths of 25metres from shallow to deep - from age 3....

by stage 4 they are expected to swim 5 lengths or so...125metres, without stopping.....and 4 different strokes to pass into stage 4.

Take her swimming yourself and walk backwards in front of her while she swims towards you. Hold out one arm towards her and tell her if she can't swim any more to touch it and you'll help her. It's equally as important that she is confident in water as it is that she can swim.
One of my DC was like this, the younger DD had no fear and would just throw herself in the pool before she could even swim.
It may seem irrational but it's a very real fear and forcing her won't do any good at all. I would hate to be forced to do something that terrified me.

ideally would suggest some 1-1 lessons with her new pool. Just a couple of fmailiarisation lessons may well crack it!

Encourage her to make a big jump into the (deep) pool and immediately turn and swim to the side.

My DD was the same, she is also 6. Been having lessons for 3 and a half years. I prefer her to be made to go to the deep end, it does her no good knowing she can put her feet down as she won't swim without putting her feet down even though she can.

What made her better was forcibly being in a pool where she couldn't touch the floor. She had to get over it. Basically I moved her lessons (mistake was made and she was put in wrong stage), she spent most of the lesson at the end waiting for the teacher to take her and swim. Whilst she was waiting with the others, she increasingly kept messing around until she was throwing herself in and swimming a meter or so across the lane. It was out of her depth. She still isn't great, if we go I have to be pretty forceful about us going in the deeper pool and I take her ring off her and make her swim by standing out and getting her to swim to me and back again. But she can do it.

Now I've moved her lessons again and the pool gets gradually deeper so when she swims, there comes a point when she is out of her depth. They also take them down the deep end and last week she threw herself in without hesitating which was great. She has been through a phase where she would grip onto the side if she was out of depth.

Basically my DD was exactly the same as yours. She had 1 to 1 lessons for a while and I encouraged the teacher to keep her in the deep end but it got to the point where DD wouldn't swim more than a few seconds. I timed her once and she swam for less than 3 minutes in the whole half hour due to clinging on to the side. That's when we moved her anyway.

Persistance is key, it does feel futile and like they will never be ok with it but I was so proud when she just threw herself in last week and she really seems to love it now, after a veerrryyy long time of it feeling like a total waste.