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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What are your 16 year old's curfews?

31 replies

OverTheHammer · 15/07/2017 15:17

I've been told that my 11pm curfew for my troubled 16 year old boy is far too early. I'm honestly shocked by this as I thought I was rather lenient! So curious as to how everyone else does it.

OP posts:

ghostyslovesheets · 15/07/2017 15:18

My 13 year old has to be in by 9:30 15 year old 10:30 - weekends - 9pm school nights for both

ghostyslovesheets · 15/07/2017 15:19

At 16 and post GCSE I'd relax a bit

TartanDMs · 15/07/2017 15:20

Midnight. Although he never goes out that long, he's usually home by 10. He's only been out after midnight once, with my permission, for his prom - he came home at 2am.

Crocky · 15/07/2017 15:23

Mine has to let me know if he will be later than 10. He's always home by nine though. His mates all go home by then and he doesn't like being out on his own.

Babyroobs · 15/07/2017 15:23

We don't really have a curfew. he can stay out all night if he wants as long as I know where he is and who he is with.

HarryDresdensLeatherDuster · 15/07/2017 15:25

Same as pp - he doesn't have one. I know where he is (can track on Fin my iPhone if uncertain!) and he has a key. He is not out roaming the streets.

Onhold · 15/07/2017 15:27

Never really had a curfew. It all depended what he was doing and where he was. He had to let me know if he was staying at a mates though. He also had to answer his texts.

19lottie82 · 15/07/2017 15:29

11pm at weekends? Yes that's rather strict. He's old enough to legally get married and have children!

My DSD just turned 17 and doesn't have a curfew, but she's pretty responsible and has never given us a reason to review the arrangement.

TartanTartan · 15/07/2017 15:36

My 17yo DS doesn't have one and hadn't for a long time now. He has a key and is very good at letting me know where he is. He is very sensible though and I have a lot of trust in him.

Scholes34 · 15/07/2017 15:40

Same here, no curfew per se. However, that comes with a history of being considerate and letting us know where he is and what he's up to. My view has always been that if he rings to let us know he'll be later than anticipated, we're more likely than not to agree, especially if he's coming home with friends who are local. That then acts as an incentive to get in touch.

Violetcharlotte · 15/07/2017 15:44

I posted on your other thread. I don't set a curfew for my 16 year old DS. He's normally in around 11-12ish, sometimes much earlier, but much later if he's at a party. I trust him and I know he's just hanging out with his mates, who I know and are a nice bunch of lads.

IHaveBrilloHair · 15/07/2017 15:48

No actual set curfew, it depends where she is going.
Never later than 12 yet, but she's never asked for later.
I ask her when she'll be home and so far she's never asked for an unreasonable time, she doesn't hang around though, is always at a friends house and its always a safe and easy walk home.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/07/2017 15:54

It's a weird one for us being rural.

Our teenagers have either had to stay the night at the parties they go to, or we pick them up at midnight. I don't come out later than that.

I'm quite relieved we have this set up. I wouldn't sleep if I was waiting for the key in the lock.

IHaveBrilloHair · 15/07/2017 15:59

I am often in bed at 7pm, Dd wakes me up at 8pm to tell me she's going out, I wouldn't manage with rural living at all, in fact we're moving to the nearest City soon from our small town which still has excellent transport.

EezerGoode · 15/07/2017 16:02

Huummmm these are all so much later than my dcs...I thought i was a chilled parent as well.

Wilhelminaaa · 15/07/2017 16:07

While I was still at school/GCSEs: 9p.m.

After exams & college: I didn't really have one, but I was to be 'reasonable' as I was still living in their house and had college to get up for in the morning etc.

Wilhelminaaa · 15/07/2017 16:09

But on weekends Fri/Sat, even while still at school, I could stay out later as long as they knew I was safe and kept in contact.

corythatwas · 15/07/2017 16:10

At this age not so much about set curfews as about reasoned agreements. Also would probably accept communication by text/phone about extension of agreed time unless there was some strong reason not to (e.g. exam week).

But accept that it is much more difficult if you have a problem teen in the first place. One reason I'm ok with my only-just-17yo texting his sister to say he'll be home late is that I genuinely trust his judgment and ability to keep safe.

In cases if slipping up, think I would also look at other, less triggering ways of expressing disapproval. Have had to tell ds off a couple of times lately re lack of consideration when coming home late at night. Am finding the more controlled (but serious) I am, the more impact it has. Would be even more careful in the case of a volatile teen (ds can be arrogant and think he knows it call, but doesn't go in for shows of emotion).

Hudson10 · 15/07/2017 16:11

Midnight for a 16 year old? Wow, that's late. I don''t have a 16 year old yet but I was never out that late at 16.
I have a 13 year old (nearly 14) and he has to be in by 9pm if he's out with his friends.

Littledrummergirl · 15/07/2017 16:16

We don't have a curfew, we negotiate day to day based on what is happening in our lives. As long as we know where he is and that he is safe we trust him to use his good judgement on how to behave and be respectful of our needs.

corythatwas · 15/07/2017 16:16

I don't think it's so much about the curfew itself: I think it is about how you arrive at the curfew, how it is presented to him and how you react if he slightly oversteps it.

Does he feel he has agency and is part of the decision-making process? Or does he feel that you are just lying in wait for him waiting to catch him out? Teens can be very sensitive (and indeed unreasonable) once they have got into their heads that they are set up to fail.

TyrionLannistersShadow · 15/07/2017 16:17

My ds2 will be 16 next month and his curfew is 9.30pm but if hes just outside with his friends then he can stay out til 10pm. I don't mind if people think that's too strict, I personally get very judgy when I hear of kids out til all hours 'roaming the streets ' as my mum would say . Ds1 is 18 and had the same curfew at that age, it certainly didn't make him run wild or anything. He doesn't have one now btw.

BackforGood · 15/07/2017 16:28

I've never had a fixed time either. It depends on where they are and what they are doing.
No point in saying they must be in your house by x o'clock if the event doesn't finish until then (or later), but, OTOH, I don't want them out 'doing nothing' even at a much earlier time.

Katedotness1963 · 15/07/2017 16:29

He doesn't have one, it depends on what he's doing/where he is/who he's with. He's never been out later than midnight though.

AryaOfWinterfell · 15/07/2017 16:34

My 16yo dd doesn't have a curfew. As long as I know where she is & who she is with its fine with me.
After her prom night I gave her and some mates a lift to another friend's house about 5 miles away and they all walked back and got in about 5.30am.
She's very sensible though and always lets me know if there's a change of plan or if she's staying out later than she thinks.

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