I cannot stand my brother

[KimchiLaLa]

He's a freeloader. We are currently on a family holiday for a wedding and despite being 50 he has turned up with no cash of his own, instead my dad has given him spending money, and he had not contributed one penny towards flights or hotels. When the family needs to book Uber's to get from one place to another, he never pulls his phone out, and just sits there, expecting a cab that someone else has paid for to just show up.

He talks to me as if I should plan his life out all the time: for example for the wedding: "what event is happening today?" (All said with standard angry look on his face - He has the same invite and same schedule as me). His attitude is very much "the world owes me something" which I hate. Today, one of my cousins came up to me and said "Your brother is asking where he should trim his hair." Despite being in a new city for the wedding, i find it hilarious that a younger sister (with more than 20 years age difference) should tell her older brother this. Google map it?!

He has severe problems in having conversations with others. He talks down to my parents in front of them. He can come across as rude and snappy despite family telling him he can. He has absolutely no friends in part due to this and has never ever been in a relationship. My parents think it's insecurity, I did at first but now I just think it's that he's just so full of hate for the world,

My dad has had to give him a job as he can't get one anywhere else. Despite this, I have heard him criticise my dad to the other employees there, despite him being the boss saying he's no more than a "glorified accountant". He acts as if he's doing him a favour by working there. My dad gave him this job so he would get out from under my mum's Feet at home.

He constantly has a screw face on. He frowns at everyone. He snaps at everyone.

I am at the end of my tether with his spoilt attitude and I cannot stand another week of being in the same hotel as him. Please give me advice on how to be patient with him! I am certain his issues are deep, I just can't put my finger on what he has and how to manage it.

My brother is in his early 50s and sounds similar - he is not as out-and-out rude as yours but he finds social interactions almost painful (pulling faces, avoiding eye contact). He's also very tight with money despite having a well paid technical job, and is forever going on about how little he has, to people who have far less than him with absolutely no awareness of how he sounds. The older he has got the more little odd traits and tics become apparent. I used to get incredibly frustrated with him as I thought he was attention seeking and doing it in purpose. Then suddenly I wondered if it was ASD and it seems to explain such a lot. Yes, it's me armchair diagnosing, no, it probably won't change his behaviour; but it means I view him a lot more sympathetically as I think he finds huge chunks of life hard, and has missed out on so much.
I did ask my mum what she thought and she said 'she had considered it' but I think when we were growing up (early 70s) ASD was not so well understood.

This is quite interesting
Little Prince Syndrome

Another armchair vote for autism - sounds very much like it to me. Life will be really shit for him most of the time and it will take a massive amount of patience to be with him. The thing about autism is that children get sympathy and understanding ( a huge generalisation I know ) which disappears as they become adults. They are supposed to have sorted themselves out, right? But that's like asking someone with a physical disability to have sorted themselves out by the time they are adults so that the disability doesn't impact on their lives or those around them. Impossible - and it's the same for autism; lifelong support is needed.

Just wanted to point out that not everyone with Autism is anything like this.

I have Aspergers and am a single parent of 3, earn enough to pay a mortgage on a 4 bed house without extended family help. I don't financially take advantage of people and i have good manners. My social interactions can be stressful and I have depression/anxiety but people would probably describe me as introverted, shy, awkward before rude, egotistic, delusional and freeloading.

He does seem to have difficulty with understanding social cues , how to communicate effectively and how the world works socially. He appears to not understand others feelings or opinions. There are a lot of pointers to high functioning ASD. It might be worth exploring this with him.