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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Need a hand hold.

78 replies

AragornsManlyStubble · 14/07/2017 19:22

Please?

Someone?

I'm not coping and I'm really struggling.

There's no one in my life whose listening to me. I'm postnatally depressed, just moved house and will spend the weekend alone in a house with 4 children, with a kitchen I can't even get into because of mess and boxes. I'm so tired, so tired of having no control over my life. So tired of everyone sweeping me away.

OP posts:
Justhadmyhaircut · 14/07/2017 20:32

Maybe they feel you want some space. . If you can't say the words can you text your dh or dm and tell them you need a hug and some extra support?
There are lots on here you can trust, every dm in the land has had the sleepless nights and the wobbles from time to time. .

JamPasty · 14/07/2017 20:32

Hugs to you too JustDontGetItAtAll

Frazzled2207 · 14/07/2017 20:34

Yes what Jam said. Give them the baby (unless you're bf) and leave them in charge of the kids while you go to the hospital

Original poster
AragornsManlyStubble · 14/07/2017 20:34

At risk of angering MN, I have one of those babies that sleeps from 10-6. I can't even blame sleepless nights.

OP posts:
JamPasty · 14/07/2017 20:38

You don't need to blame sleepless nights love, it's brain chemistry. Some people have diabetes, some has asthma, some have a brain that is over anxious/depressed/etc. It's not your fault, and like any other medical condition, it needs management and care. And like many other medical conditions, it can be treated and you will get better.

Blossomdeary · 14/07/2017 20:40

I have had depression - it really does make you think black thoughts and put a very negative spin on everything. I just kept telling myself that the thoughts were the illness and not real. Some of those thoughts are telling you that people getting together to help with the move are trying to take away your control of the situation - it is more likely that they just want to help you through a bad time.

Four children + moving house = chaos. Add in PND and I am not surprised that you are finding it hard to cope.

It may be that you need to get back to the doctor and request that you be voluntarily admitted to a psychiatric hospital with your baby. You are clear that you feel you need that sanctuary to give you time to get better, and it may be best to speak that out loud to those who are able to arrange this.

Depression can be a serious and life-threatening illness and you need to seek out the right help. You are not well and you cannot just try and keep going with hand-holding - you need proper professional help. Please get back to your doctor or an out of hours service and be specific about what you need.

When I had depression a friend, who had also suffered, just came round and sat in front of me holding my hands and repeating "You will get better." She was right, but I know how hard it is to believe that when you feel so dreadful. You will get better.

Flowers
mrtumbleandhisguitar · 14/07/2017 20:49

Have both hands Flowers
Are you still in the bathroom?

LoveCakesandWine · 14/07/2017 20:52

Another hand hold from me. That's so much to deal with. Can you please try and tell your Mum and her partner how you are feeling? If not just tell them they need to stay with the kids and contact your partner as you need medical help

JellyJ · 14/07/2017 20:58

Have my hand too. I have no experience of PND but do remember the feelings that I couldn't cope. Try not to worry about the untidy house or anything else except you and the kids. Nothing else matters for now. Unpacking and sorting can happen later when you are up to it.

JimmysMum1988 · 14/07/2017 21:18

Where are you based? Would you like some help?

Sushi123 · 14/07/2017 21:28

Please say what area you are in...you are on here reaching out for help...let someone help x

Fruitcorner123 · 14/07/2017 23:02

Are you still there OP?

Stilllivinginazoo · 14/07/2017 23:48

Checking in again op
Hope you are asking for help in rl

If you are around remember mn has people on here all hours of the night who will talk to you
X

Lukeandlorelai4Ever · 14/07/2017 23:55

Please talk to someone and tell them how you feel.Flowers

JustDontGetItAtAll · 15/07/2017 01:23

Why hasn't this thread been deleted? I posted exactly the same kind of thread, including briefly mentioning how I was having suicidal thoughts, just like the OP and it was deleted minutes later with a bollocking from MNHQ.

Winelover93 · 15/07/2017 01:26

I'm fed up to had an awful day but just remember it won't last forever things get better x

LondonLassInTheCountry · 15/07/2017 01:33

JustDontGetItAtAll

Why would mumsnet do that?

JustDontGetItAtAll · 15/07/2017 09:17

London Well they did!

JustDontGetItAtAll · 15/07/2017 09:18

London

Need a hand hold.
ConstanceCraving · 15/07/2017 09:25

Maybe nobody has reported this thread London. I hope you're feeling better now.

Original poster
AragornsManlyStubble · 15/07/2017 09:27

Hi all, I'm so sorry I didn't come back last night. My partner came upstairs and insisted we have a crisis meeting. We talked for several hours and tried to sort things out. I still feel largely the same as last night but I'm trying to power through this morning. Thank you all so much for your words last night. I'm so grateful. I have no friends who can understand, I just felt so lonely.

OP posts:
goose1964 · 15/07/2017 09:27

Here's huge hug, PND is so nasty, hopefully your meds will start kicking in soon. Can you get your older two to help by making unpacking a game? I know it can be a faff but try to get out of the house for a bit

RedastheRose · 15/07/2017 09:58

Glad you are hear from you OP. I know things seem black ATM, please make sure you put yourself first if you feel like that. There is no shame in saying I have to go to hospital and leaving your husband and other family to cope for a bit. No one would expect you to carry on if you were involved in a serious accident, just because the problem isn't a visible injury doesn't mean that it isn't just as serious.

Blossomdeary · 15/07/2017 10:05

It really does sound as though your OH is on the ball and supporting you - his idea of a crisis meeting was spot on - i.e. look at what the problems are head-on and see what the potential solutions might be. I hope you were fully honest with him about the severity of your illness. Hang on to that guy - he sounds a good'un!

More hand-holding to be had here.

MNHQ
YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet · 15/07/2017 10:57

We're so sorry you're going through this, OP.

We hope you don't mind, but when threads like this are flagged to us – we like to link to some ideas for support. We have some more information about postnatal depression, here.

We also wanted to share Mind's information with you – it has practical tips on what you can do when you feel like this and where to get urgent help. Maybe take a look and see if there’s anything which might be helpful right now.

Please do think about exploring some of the options in the links above. Samaritans are there for you too, 24/7, by emailing [email protected] or calling 116 123. You can also see the resources in our Mental Health webguide.

Very best wishes from all at MNHQ'