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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think there is no "good" time to play loud music in a flat

39 replies

Anon8604 · 14/07/2017 13:11

NC for this as I don't want to out myself to friends.

Round at my friend's flat today and there is really loud music coming from the flat above hers, to the point that it's hard to watch tv or for her DC to sleep. Friend says it's a regular problem and she has asked neighbour to stop. Neighbour is friendly when she goes round but seems to just say he'll turn it down only to have loud music on again the next day.

My friend asked if I'd mind talking to him as she was trying to settle DC for a nap. So I knocked on the guy's door, and as my friend said, he's perfectly nice and said he'd turn it down, but then he said to me - exact quote - "it seems like [friend] thinks it's never okay for me to have my music on loud, but I'm a DJ and I like to have music at a decent volume."

I said (politely, didn't think it's my place to argue as he's not my neighbour) that if you live in a block of flats I don't think it's ever reasonable to play music so loudly your neighbours can't watch tv or sleep. He said he disagrees and thinks it should be fine for him to have loud music "at weekends" and "before 9pm" and "other odd times if I'm having a party".

I said again I thought that wasn't fair, particularly as my friend has young children, but I'd leave it there as I'd just popped round to ask if he'd turn it down now. He said fine, then added "I've told [friend] she just needs to let me know what times she's okay with the music and I can keep it down other times." I just said I'd leave it to them to talk and went back to my friend's flat.

So....AIBU to think he's a complete arse to suggest that being a DJ and liking loud music means it's okay for him to play loud music despite living in a building full of families? And to think that it's not my friend's responsibility to tell him what hours of the day she expects to be able to enjoy some peace and quiet in her own home?

OP posts:

Smitff · 14/07/2017 13:13

YANBU.

allegretto · 14/07/2017 13:15

I agree with you. I had a neighbour like this and it was a nightmare especially in the summer as he had his windows open snd we had to keep ours closed - still couldn't hear the radio in our flat! He should wear headphones if he wants loud music.

scottishdiem · 14/07/2017 13:16

I think she might need to invite him in to show him that she can't hear the TV. Give him some perspective. Perhaps he can highlight times the children are too noisy as well. But not everyone can agree on what is too loud and he is trying to stick to being quite during antisocial hours. And modern buildings or converted ones have water thing/no sound insulation.

I think he suggested a suitable compromise to be honest. People can't live their lives to suit the needs of others all the time.

PinkHeart5911 · 14/07/2017 13:17

Flat or house I think if the neighbours can clearly hear the music it is too loud no matter what the time of day.

Fair enough for a 1 off party but a regular occurrence is out of line.

HPFA · 14/07/2017 13:20

Why can't he put on a pair of headphones? Other than the odd party I don't see why anyone should be forced to listen to other people's loud music when there's an alternative.

rinabean · 14/07/2017 13:27

you are not being unreasonable at all. He is

it is antisocial to force other people to listen to your music

I have always wondered what is wrong with these people. I've lived by them too. When I move somewhere, or move my furniture, I test my music and tv. I test at the walls next to neighbours or in the hall or in the garden or whatever. Then I know how loud I could have it without bothering people. And like, maybe "loud enough you can tell someone is listening to something" is okay in the day, but never at night, and never where you can tell what they are listening to, or it interferes with you listening to things in your own home.

Sometimes you live where you couldn't have things at a decent volume without disturbing people. So you DON'T. You use headphones or have things on quietly. Why the fuck do people think it's the other way around - I can't enjoy myself and not disturb the neighbours, so I will disturb the neighbours?

When you have shit like loud footsteps, well you put down rugs, but apart from that there is no alternative. You have to walk. Loud toilet flushes or other plumbing - it has to happen. Music is not on the same level as walking and pissing! I am a musician myself and so is my husband, and I love having music on all the time, and I struggle to discern voices on the telly unless it's very loud - and all of that can only be indulged if it's not annoying neighbours! It's a huge part of my life, but it's not necessary for living! Headphones aren't new and rare and expensive for heaven's sake!

I'll stab him for you if you want

glastogal · 14/07/2017 13:37

I think it's ok during the day generally, we frequently hear next door howling away tunelessly to his loud rock music on the weekend. I find it funny as long as it's not late at night (which it never is!) Maybe they could come to an arrangement for times it's ok? Some noise is what we all have to put up with if we live in close quarters.

Ollivander84 · 14/07/2017 13:39

I play some loud music but the odd song, not constantly! Our flats are v v well soundproofed to the point I never hear a TV/footsteps/doors closing etc
And our lease is no noise heard outside from 11pm - 7am

Original poster

Anon8604 · 14/07/2017 13:49

I think what rinabean says is pretty much the heart of it for me - some noise is inevitable (eg being able to hear footsteps), but playing loud music isn't in this category. I think everyone knows that living in a flat means you will sometimes hear noise, but it's not unreasonable to expect people to minimise the effect of noise on others. He's just decided that his right to listen to loud music is more important than my friend's right to sleep or just have a bit of peace and quiet.

To me a fair compromise would be to say you accept on rare occasions, like a house party, there will be loud music, but other than that he should either use headphones or get used to quieter music.

I don't think the soundproofing can be too bad as my friend said he moved in a few months ago and she never heard a sound from the previous residents.

OP posts:

Original poster

Anon8604 · 14/07/2017 13:51

glasto - I get that maybe it's different during the day for adults if you're not trying to sleep, but what about when it's disturbing children's daytime sleep?

OP posts:

araiwa · 14/07/2017 14:26

There should be building controls on sound proofing.

Ive viewed some places where you could almost hear neighbours breathing. Fuck that.

I dont blast music or anything but i think people should be able to reasonably enjoy themselves in their own homes

user1497435493 · 14/07/2017 14:46

YANBU. There IS not a good time for very loud music in flats and semi detached or terraced houses.

Upshot is; if someone can hear your music outside of your property, it's too loud. Why do some people think that it's OK? Are they so arrogant that they think everyone should hear their music? Really boils my piss.

HannahGlasgowGal · 14/07/2017 14:52

Oh god YADNBU. I love next to one of those guys. I don't mind him playing music and it's inevitable I'll hear it a bit, but I shouldn't be able to hear it clearly as if it was in the same room even if I'm 2 rooms over from our shared wall. It's annoying no matter what time of day. Hearing music is different from hearing it so loud it's making the floors shake and you can't hear your own tv

StickThatInYourPipe · 14/07/2017 15:01

When I lived in a flat I lived in contestant fear of making noises as I hate disturbing people, to be honest it was not a good way for me to live, tiptoeing around my own house. No one else gave a fuck though and actually hearing other people didn't really bother me in the day.

If it's day time I think he is reasonable to play his music, wasn't his choice to have children who need to sleep in the day and I think the law would be on his side athough I don't know for sure.

YANBU if it's a night though, and your compromise for it only being limited to house parties would I imagine be MUCH worse in the long run and annoy all the other neighbours, who from his reaction, I'm guessing haven't made a fuss about the noise

Original poster

Anon8604 · 14/07/2017 15:04

Exactly user! I hate the arrogance of someone deciding that their right to listen to music at the volume they like is more important than anyone else's right to enjoy spending time in their home.

I think if you live in a flat you just have to accept there are some things you can't do out of respect for others. That's frustrating sure, but what's the alternative? I don't get why that seems so hard for this guy to understand.

OP posts:

Original poster

Anon8604 · 14/07/2017 15:09

"If it's day time I think he is reasonable to play his music, wasn't his choice to have children who need to sleep in the day and I think the law would be on his side athough I don't know for sure."

I don't know the legal position, but I just find that attitude sad. Where does it lead to..."wasn't my choice to have children so I won't offer a pregnant woman a seat on the bus" "wasn't my choice to have children so I'll swear loudly while walking past a playground" "wasn't my choice to have children so I won't make room for a buggy on the train" etc? Can't we all just treat others with a bit of kindness and understanding?

OP posts:

StickThatInYourPipe · 14/07/2017 15:13

But all of those other points you have made don't impact someone's day - day life. Telling someone they can never play loud music in their own home is not the same thing as someone giving up a bus or train seat for a pregnant person. We have to live together and it seems that the man is being reasonable by asking for your friend what times would be okay.

Lweji · 14/07/2017 15:15

I'd have a word with the Council about acceptable regular high noise levels.

I don't think he's in the right and I'd suggest headphones if he likes loud music all the time.

Maybe she could pop in to his house every day at 7am to let him know her children's nap times, otherwise.

Original poster

Anon8604 · 14/07/2017 15:16

But someone playing loud music also impacts a person's day to day life. My friend couldn't watch tv or listen to the radio and her DC couldn't sleep because of the noise. Why is it okay for her family's day to day life to be affected like this, but asking him to play music at a lower volume would be an unreasonable infringement on his day to day life?

OP posts:

StickThatInYourPipe · 14/07/2017 15:18

But it should be a compromise your friend should tell him when it's okay and by the sounds of it he will take that on board. It shouldn't be an all or nothing situation

PumpkinSpiceEverything · 14/07/2017 15:18

I think if you can hear the noise in your own home you have a right to complain and if the problem isn't resolved, you can file a noise complaint with the council. If you want to make all the noise you want and throw parties with no regard for neighbours, buy a detached house. Prick. YANBU

Lweji · 14/07/2017 15:20

Check this

www.nidirect.gov.uk/articles/noise-nuisance-and-neighbours

Statutory nuisance
A statutory nuisance is more than an annoyance or irritation. It is a disturbance that interferes significantly with your right to enjoy your home.

Original poster

Anon8604 · 14/07/2017 15:23

But why is it okay to disrupt someone else's enjoyment of their home if it's not all the time?

I live in a flat too. Sometimes I wish I could leave a stinky bin bag outside the flat door instead of trekking down to the bin store in the dark. I don't because it's not fair to stink out the corridor which other people use just because I don't fancy putting on my shoes and coat. By your logic it sounds like it'd be okay to do that as long as it's not all the time?

OP posts:

StickThatInYourPipe · 14/07/2017 15:26

Then why do you think it would be acceptable to compromise on limiting it to house parties only?

StickThatInYourPipe · 14/07/2017 15:27

And honestly if you put your bin bag outside your door occasionally I really couldn't care less.

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