To think there is no "good" time to play loud music in a flat

[Anon8604]

NC for this as I don't want to out myself to friends.

Round at my friend's flat today and there is really loud music coming from the flat above hers, to the point that it's hard to watch tv or for her DC to sleep. Friend says it's a regular problem and she has asked neighbour to stop. Neighbour is friendly when she goes round but seems to just say he'll turn it down only to have loud music on again the next day.

My friend asked if I'd mind talking to him as she was trying to settle DC for a nap. So I knocked on the guy's door, and as my friend said, he's perfectly nice and said he'd turn it down, but then he said to me - exact quote - "it seems like [friend] thinks it's never okay for me to have my music on loud, but I'm a DJ and I like to have music at a decent volume."

I said (politely, didn't think it's my place to argue as he's not my neighbour) that if you live in a block of flats I don't think it's ever reasonable to play music so loudly your neighbours can't watch tv or sleep. He said he disagrees and thinks it should be fine for him to have loud music "at weekends" and "before 9pm" and "other odd times if I'm having a party".

I said again I thought that wasn't fair, particularly as my friend has young children, but I'd leave it there as I'd just popped round to ask if he'd turn it down now. He said fine, then added "I've told [friend] she just needs to let me know what times she's okay with the music and I can keep it down other times." I just said I'd leave it to them to talk and went back to my friend's flat.

So....AIBU to think he's a complete arse to suggest that being a DJ and liking loud music means it's okay for him to play loud music despite living in a building full of families? And to think that it's not my friend's responsibility to tell him what hours of the day she expects to be able to enjoy some peace and quiet in her own home?

I don't think he was being an arse at all.

He asked what times it suits your pal so he is trying to accommodate her and listen to his music loud.

I guess a couple of times a year where someone makes more noise than normal is different to having your life disrupted every day by loud music which prevents you carrying out normal day to day activities in your own home.

So, no need for actual regulations or advice on what actually can be done, then?

Lweji, thanks, I was just reading the link and trying to work out if it would help my friend - was also going to ask if the info applies throughout the UK as looks like it's an NI website?

Hahaha it would soon be an issue and another AIBU post about the bloke having loud all nighters even if it was once a year!

For me the thing is he is a nice bloke, your friend feels comfortable asking him to turn it down knowing there will be no screaming or abuse thrown at her. This seems a miracle in itself after reading some posts on here. He asked when it was okay and has asked your friend for times etc and I'm sure she isn't in the house all day everyday so there are times that could be discussed when it will have no impact on her at all.

just to make clear i meant threads on MN not posts on this exact thread

Sorry, didn't realise the ni was for Northern Ireland.
I think the generic info is for the UK, but I'm sure you or your friend will be able to find what's relevant for where she lives. And her council should be able to offer even more specific information.

The neighbour may think he's within his rights, but confronting him with the law might solve the problem.

So here are the options as I see it:

1. My friend should negotiate with her neighbour to specify times of day when she accepts that it is not possible to use her home for normal activities such as allowing her children to sleep, making phone calls, or watching tv. She should then keep to a schedule of not being in her home at these times in order that her neighbour can enjoy playing his music at top volume.

1. Her neighbour purchases a pair of headphones and avails himself of them when he wishes to listen to loud music.

Thanks again Lweji, I'll see if I can find similar info on our local council website.

My 2p - I don't think it's about time of day, or children sleeping. Everyone is entitled to courtesy.

I agree with PP that you can't expect silence in a flat, but that it's completely reasonable to not want to hear music / tv / radio to the point that it's louder than background noise. It doesn't matter what you are doing / time of day, you shouldn't be able to hear every word etc.

Yes OP your friend should never use her house when he is playing loud music.

Look, I'm quite relaxed about other people's noise and don't tend to get annoyed by loud noise during the day and I think compromise to keep neighbourly relationships at a good level is important. We obviously have different opinions on this which is fine, I have already said that I personally don't make much noise when living in close proximity to others so it is really a pointless argument.

If it is really annoying you (as friend seems to be happy popping up to ask him to turn it down) then maybe you should get a noise monitoring device set up in her home and then report it to the district council. That pretty much all you can do as the neighbour obviously thinks he is in the right.

OP, you seem overly invested in this whole thing. Just let your friend sort it out.

Did we get to MNwin's Law?

OP, you've started a thread and let it run for 40 posts. You're overinvested.