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To tell mil to shove her opinion on the way I run my home?

53 replies

hannah1992 · 14/07/2017 12:25

Just had a visit off my mil this morning. I'll start by saying I keep my home quite nice. Kitchen is always clean and tidy lounge is clean barely tidy as that's where my youngest (19 months) plays etc. I have a kitchen diner so table and chairs in there. Completely separate room to lounge no open plan or anything.

Anyway my dd has just had a custard cream biscuit so there were crumbs on the rug where she'd been eating that an playing. She said "there's crumbs on your rug" I said yeah she's just had a biscuit. She then goes on a rant of how "my kids never ate in my lounge, they ate and drank everything at the kitchen table and at that age they ate everything and drank everything sat in a high chair" I was like right ok, so it's warm weather and I'm supposed to keep taking my daughter every 10 min to sit in her highchair to have 2 bloody sips of water then get her out again and carry this on through the day?! So Aibu here to be thinking what the actual fuck?!

I'm not going to set times of the day where my dd can have a drink! I just leave her beaker on the coffee table and she gets it as she pleases
I am literally gobsmacked. My kids eat meals at the table but if they want a biscuit or piece of fruit they can have it wherever my only rules is rubbish is in the bin not on the floor etc. Only thing I give my youngest as a snack in the high chair is yogurt.

I am doing it wrong here?

OP posts:

Justhadmyhaircut · 14/07/2017 12:27

When my mil (now ex) commented on my home I told her she knew where the door was. .
Reduced visits down to only when dh was in after that.


NellieFiveBellies · 14/07/2017 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSockGoblin · 14/07/2017 12:39

You could try reminding her that every person does things their own way and you're sure she did what worked for her, but you're doing it the way it works for you and your DD.


rollonthesummer · 14/07/2017 12:42

Just say, 'oh, well-everyone is different!' and don't let it ruin your day.


Tilapia · 14/07/2017 12:43

Your system sounds fine, OP. Ignore MIL.


RedSkyAtNight · 14/07/2017 12:44

TBH I agree with MIL that a 19 month old should be sitting up (not necessarily in a high chair) when eating.


Tazerface · 14/07/2017 12:46

Oh ok thanks. Not sure that would work for me.

Unless you really hate one another (and I assume you don't as she's visiting you) then why get so wound up?

Once you have a baby the world and his wife has an opinion about how to do things - just pick your battles. This isn't important.


MrsJAMMFraser · 14/07/2017 12:46

I agree that 19 month old should sit down to eat. No need to sit for drinks though.


Queenofthedrivensnow · 14/07/2017 12:52

I agree with the mil too but tbf that's not what the post is about. Op yanbu she needs to butt out - your house your choices


Kittykatmacbill · 14/07/2017 12:53

I don't think your mil meant for drinks, but you gave a child a biscuits inamongst there toys so everything will be sticky. So yes snacks in high chair or designated location on kitchen floor so you can sweep up easily and don't encourage grazing. So sorry yabu.


BogQueens · 14/07/2017 12:56

I suspect the people who feel that a 19th-month-old should eat a mid-morning biscuit at the table or another 'designated location' care an awful lot more about housework than I do.


Itscurtainsforyou · 14/07/2017 12:59

I would just reply "is that right?"
And offer child another biscuit.


Itscurtainsforyou · 14/07/2017 13:01



VladmirsPoutine · 14/07/2017 13:01

Another unreasonable mil thread. If I had a penny.

DonkeyOaty · 14/07/2017 13:02

She has a point, not from the crumbs pov but from walking round eating. Sit to eat as its a bit of a choke hazard innit.

Drinks on the move is fine.


GreenTulips · 14/07/2017 13:03

I couldn't have done this! Your house your rules - just ignore her

Or tell her where the hoovers kept


StealthPolarBear · 14/07/2017 13:05

You're not a doormat. Have more important things to worry about than housework!


marymarytoocontrary · 14/07/2017 13:06

She then goes on a rant of how "my kids never ate in my lounge, they ate and drank everything at the kitchen table and at that age they ate everything and drank everything sat in a high chair

That doesn't sound like a rant, it sounds like her simply telling you what she used to do.
What a bitch hey, recounting incidences from her past, how dare she?

Why are some people so bloody horrible to their MIL's?


ProudBadMum · 14/07/2017 13:07

My baby sits in high chair to eat but still ends up able to cover the floor Grin

Just ignore


hannah1992 · 14/07/2017 13:07

Our relationship is fine we get on quite well it's just that she's the kind of person that if you don't do things her way it's wrong. Although I don't come across it very often she just peeved me this morning.

I said each to their own. I wasn't brought up that way.

My dd always sits up to eat just not always in the highchair she was sat on the floor with a toy car thing eating a biscuit. I honestly don't see the problem. Obviously I don't allow her to eat laying down 🤔 Not sure where that came from.

Neither of my kids graze either my older one is almost 7

OP posts:

Blowingthroughthejasmineinmymi · 14/07/2017 13:08

I have had this too op, My younger DD was always a fussy eater and we struggled to get food into her. In the end I happily left a sandwhich out for a bit so she could come back to it -or cake or biscuits etc. Ie in the living room.

Mil would just take all food away she could not leave it was more imp to her than actually getting food into her granddaughter.

I dont understand why people freak out about a crumb but then some people have very empty lives.


marymarytoocontrary · 14/07/2017 13:08

But she didn't make any comment about what you should do, she only said what she did.
Why are you so sensitive?


IWillOnlyEatBeans · 14/07/2017 13:08

My DC eat their snacks at the table, I can'tell be bothered hoovering up crumbs every time they have a biscuit! They can have drinks anywhere.
I don't really care how others do it though, and would certainly never pass comment!
Just nod and smile Op !


RedSkyAtNight · 14/07/2017 13:09

I don't care about housework, but I do care about my child choking.
Which is why they sat down at this age.


EssentialHummus · 14/07/2017 13:15

Ignore, change the subject. If she pushes it, "I'm happy with how we do things, thanks."

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