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AIBU?

To expect an ETA from midwife/HV?

160 replies

smileygrapefruit · 14/07/2017 11:38

Just got home with newborn dc3 yesterday.

Was just getting out the shower and there's a knock at the door...the midwife is here. Had to answer in a towel sopping wet.

I've now remembered from the last two times how they always turn up unannounced. Am I just ment to sit in twiddling my thumbs all day? DH has taken other two dc out for the day and I was going to have a nap with dc3 but how am I supposed to do that if they could turn up at any time?!

Aibu to think they could just text to say "expect us between 10-12"?

OP posts:
rizlett · 14/07/2017 11:48

Well you're not the only person they have to fit into their heavy workload in a day.

Some visits may take longer than anticipated - some may be out. They are there for YOU and your DC. So yes, sit there and wait, be nice and offer a cup of tea.

YABU.

Steeley113 · 14/07/2017 11:51

I've been a district nurse so I know how annoying it is when people expect times. But I've also been a mum of newborns so I know how annoying it is waiting around lol. I wish they'd just give morning or afternoon as you do have lists. Then again you can get an emergency thrown in which buggers that up too!

zzzzz · 14/07/2017 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coddiwomple · 14/07/2017 11:55

well, you are quite lucky if you do have a HV and they do turn up.

I fondly remember having to take a take a newborn to the GP 72h after an emergency c-section, that was fun. Here (South East) you are pretty much on your own, but very welcome to book an appointment to the children center to see the HV there Hmm

smileygrapefruit · 14/07/2017 11:58

I totally understand they've got busy schedules and emergencies may crop up or visits may take longer than expected etc etc. And of course I was nice and offered a drink. But, yes, just am or pm would be good. By day 5 I will be getting out and about again and surely giving a rough time would be better for them too as it would eliminate the chance of people not being in when they called round?

OP posts:
welshgirlwannabe · 14/07/2017 11:59

No you do not have to sit and wait kettle at the ready! With 3 kids I imagine that is impossible anyway. I'd just carry on with my day. If they do not give an approximate time of when to expect a visit, they can't expect you to be available!

Creatureofthenight · 14/07/2017 11:59

I certainly don't expect an appointment as such, but a vague time (am/pm) or a text to say they are on the way, would be great - I'd just gone for a nap when MW arrived the other day, and last week I was in the shower (luckily DH was here).

GahBuggerit · 14/07/2017 11:59

YANBU, just sleep, if the knocking on the door doesnt wake you up then obviously you cant answer it, if it does wake you up but you dont feel like getting up then dont answer it, and if it wakes you up and your fine for a visit then let them in.

I remember that "I just need a nap" feeling, its awful, so do what you gotta do.

Fitzsimmons · 14/07/2017 12:01

Mine usually gave an am or pm slot, and a couple would often ring about 15 minutes before to give me a heads up. Rural area with small caseload though, so I guess that makes a difference.

happy2bhomely · 14/07/2017 12:08

Well when I had dc5 I was told that there wouldn't be any visits and on day 3 I had to drag newborn dd along with a 3, 5, 9 and 12 year old along with me on a 25 minute walk to the health centre. I didn't drive at the time. Then I had a 30 minute wait in a crowded waiting room trying to breastfeed next to 2 strangers while the kids had to sit on the floor because there were no seats left.

I was told I absolutely had to go to the appointment because dd had a touch of jaundice (totally normal) and it would be noted if I missed it.

So I would have quite happily waited in for a visit.

But you are not being unreasonable to at least want an am/pm slot.

Congratulations Flowers

hannah1992 · 14/07/2017 12:12

My midwife was quite good she came they morning after I got home so I was in anyway. It was close to Christmas and she wanted to come weigh baby and sign me off there books on Christmas Eve. I just said that I wouldn't be home after 12 as we go to dh dads on Xmas eve for lunch and presents and things and she said ok I'll put you near the top so I should be out in the morning if not I'll come after the new year. She was very good

Deploycharitygoats · 14/07/2017 12:17

Community midwife with DS1 gave no notice that she was coming, not even what day. She was NOT happy that I wasn't at home and couldn't get back in five minutes. I didn't even know to expect her, it's not as if I saw her at the top of the road and legged it!

I did get an am/pm approximation with DS2, and it did help. TBH, when you've been in hospital and people have just walked in and out of your bay with no warning, it can feel slightly like you're under siege if it continues once you're home. I remember thinking "no, this is MY home. You do not get to swan in and out like you own the place, I don't care what you're here for."

(And yes, I know they're doing an extremely important job, and ultimately it's for your and your baby's health. But Christ, it can feel so depersonalising.)

StupidSlimyGit · 14/07/2017 12:25

Mine used to say any time between 8:30am and 6pm and occasionally would then not turn up. They didn't tell me they were coming one day and I had gone to the doctors with 4 day old DD about my asthma and needed some food shopping while I was out. Got a call from the midwife while I was in the doctors and she was most put out that I hadn't waited at home all day for her HmmConfused Their solution was to recommend I walked 45 mins 4 days post C-section to take my daughter to a clinic that afternoon because they wanted to weigh her. My health visitor gives an approximate slot, usually between 10-12 or something along those lines so I just make sure I'm in then, it's much easier.

YANBU, but sadly it seems pretty normal for them to expect you to do nothing but sit at home in the expectation that they may turn up at some point during the day. Just get on with what you need to do, as others have said go for your nap and if she comes during that time then tough.

stealthbanana · 14/07/2017 12:26

The midwives got really cranky with me as I wasn't home when they called in twice. I didn't even know what day they were coming! No way was I sitting around all day in the off chance they might pop in. Carry on as normal and if it's convenient to you then let them in.

RuskBaby · 14/07/2017 12:37

This really annoyed me, ours could come between 8am and 6pm. We had weight loss issues and I was poorly so they had to come more than normal (7 times in all) 4 times when we were expecting them they failed to show. We said we would be out registering baby on a particular day, they put a snotty note through the door about their time being precious etc. If we have a second, I won't be waiting around all the time as we did this.
Happy newborn snuggles and hopefully nap too.

rizlett · 14/07/2017 12:47

So let's see how we can work this - you've got 15 people to see in an 8 hour day plus do the paperwork to avoid being sued at a later date and including travel from one to another without any time for lunch or even to have a wee - so when exactly would you send 15 texts - and what do you do when you start getting texts back to say things like - 'oh can you make it a bit later I'm doing x,y & Z?

I guess if you paid the £35 a time it costs your trust for a visit then maybe you might have a point.

EastEndQueen · 14/07/2017 12:48

I'm a midwife and I do call all my women I am visiting in the morning (around 10am) to give them a rough time to expect me say between 10am-noon, 3-6pm. It's fairly easy to to once you have worked out your movements for the day based on clinical need/ postcodes. If I'n going to be way off due to an emergency I always try to ring back to alert them, it's common curtesy. The midwives in my trust always do am/ PM as a minimum guide.

People do it to us too though! I went a 20 min walk out of my way the other day with a heavy bag to a prearranged appointment at a woman's house (she had asked for a particular time, fine) and was told she had just gone out!

EastEndQueen · 14/07/2017 12:51

Rizlet- are you a midwife? Is it really 15 visits in your trust??? It's 8 max in ours and we are in a very high birth rate area. I text people on the bus incidentally, on my way from the hospital to the first visit, which I am aware you couldn't do if you drove/ cycled

smileygrapefruit · 14/07/2017 12:59

Rizlett, it doesn't take long to send a quick text, easily done with a template so just change the time. You have to plan the order of your visits so it makes little difference to you to let the mothers know a rough time. My job involves home visits too and I always give a rough time and will let clients know if it's going to be wildly different for whatever reason.

Of course it is very rude to not be in if you've been given an idea of time but if you have no clue then they can't be annoyed if you're not there. Surely giving a rough time slot would be less wasteful of resources?!

For those that haven't had good care, that really sucks and I'm sorry to hear it.

OP posts:
Magstermay · 14/07/2017 13:08

YANBU, I remember this well. Whilst I completely understand why it is difficult to give exact times, it is very restrictive. I remember it adding to the stress of a newborn not being able to have a nap, or get out for a walk as you could be sitting in waiting all day. Then when they arrive they tell you to nap and get out for walks Hmm

GahBuggerit · 14/07/2017 13:12

It takes all of 10 seconds to bang out a quick "Hi, I'll be there between , if this isnt convenient please let me know" or even a "Hi, Im on my way to you should be there in X time, please text if not convenient"

MW might actually have much more time if they did this as people can text back if they cant do that particular day (or as in my example, fall asleep and dont answer the door) instead of the MW just turning up to an empty/asleep house.

GahBuggerit · 14/07/2017 13:15

Actually Im talking shite i my post arent I? how would the mum text back that its not convenient as they are asleep, if they are asleep? Confused

They should text out of courtesy though, like PP said its important to get out and about/sleep etc in the very early days but how can you do that if youre sitting around like a lemon all day.

TriJo · 14/07/2017 13:16

We had one midwife be incredibly snotty to us because she wouldn't give any hint of what time she'd be there apart from "8-4 on Sunday". When she hadn't arrived by 3:45 my husband took matters into his own hands because he was sick of waiting around, took us out and we got a scorpy phone call at 4:10 asking where we were. Really, really annoying.

GahBuggerit · 14/07/2017 13:17

Errr no, I was right, if the MW texts presumably it will wake Mum up who can then text back if it snot convenient. THats where I was coming from!!!

Sierra259 · 14/07/2017 13:19

The only time it really irritated me was when I wanted to go to the drop in breastfeeding cafe one Monday. I'd been struggling with feeding all weekend and frankly hadn't found the midwives/midwife assistants all that helpful from a feeding pov. I called them and told them that was why I would be out in the morning if they came then. They were a bit shirty but managed to come later in the day.

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