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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have lost all respect for several family members.

64 replies

Beelzebop · 14/07/2017 02:13

I have just watched my cousin in law drive away with a car load of in laws pissed!!
We were all leaving a meal, spoke to cousin, he was slurring his words and obviously drunk. Someone fetched his car keys, which I questioned and everyone suddenly started ignoring me. They all got in the car and let him drive them! They all knew, my DP is now annoyed with me for trying to stop him and saying helpful drunken comments. No one backed me up at all and my kids witnessed the lot. DP, and the D is being generous tbh, has been obnoxious since we got home but has thankfully passed out now. I am gobsmacked. Was there anything else I could do? I was literally running around in the dark trying to get people to listen, and they just shut me down. I feel like I never want to see several of them again.

OP posts:
redexpat · 15/07/2017 16:40

Shock Honestly the risks some people take astound me.

MineKraftCheese · 15/07/2017 18:00

I think some people are being harsh here, it's not as easy as that to call police on your in-laws in the heat of the moment especially when it sounds like she was being essentially gaslighted by everyone including her DP into thinking she was going crazy and that drink driving is somehow fine.

She obviously realised how wrong it was and has taken every step possible to sort it.

Good on you for reporting and sending that text, OP.

Original poster
Beelzebop · 15/07/2017 22:20

Thanks Minekraft x.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beelzebop · 15/07/2017 22:22

I really can't believe none of them have replied, and they think that's OK. I really don't know what else I can do! I have spoken to my children about the wrongs of drink driving at length as they saw all of it and are perfectly aware of what was going on.

OP posts:
smurfit · 15/07/2017 22:27

It's 100% not ok. Good for you for saying something.

Mum2jenny · 15/07/2017 22:29

I have done all sorts of stuff but drink driving is a complete no-no, although I do know ppl who do it.
The local squad do not seem to care tho'

Nonibaloni · 15/07/2017 22:30

It's beyond belief in this day and age. I don't really need to add the story of my aunt, uncle and cousin hit by drunk drivers. Aunt was 8 month pregnant. They all survived by some miracle but it was a close call. The other family was killed - whole family obliterated.

You did the right thing. Supposing it is always a sore point you did the right thing. You would report someone carrying a loded gun. You would stop someone eating poison.

Don't feel a moments guilt and report them every single time because you know they've done it before and will do it again. Last time I saw someone staggering into their car I phoned crime stoppers and they put me straight through to 999.

magicstar1 · 15/07/2017 22:37

One of my best friends stopped speaking to me for six months because I wouldn't let him drive home drunk. I swore if he tried to get in his car I'd phone the Gardaí (Irish police). We were at a a christening and he'd been drinking from 2pm til 4am. The worst part was that everyone else took his side too...I had to stick to my principles.

Hekabe · 15/07/2017 22:42

God. I'd have been furious. My mum used to drink drive me home and I was always scared. It's selfish and irresponsible.

Once had an ex who beat the crap out of his boss one night after he drank drive to our house after a night out and crashed into our neighbours gate.

Well done for reporting it. Bloody tough when it's friends and family, but it's the damage they'd cause to others. I'd rather cause a fight than risk them killing or maiming.

HiJenny35 · 15/07/2017 23:04

To be honest I think you should have done more, yes it's really hard with family involved but they could have all been killed or more importantly an innocent family on there way could have been killed. You should have taken the car reg, address and gone straight back into the venue and borrowed their phone or asked someone to borrow their phone. There's no excuse for drink driving and no excuse for not phoning the police immediately.

LaurieFairyCake · 15/07/2017 23:13

Did they definitely get back safely?

Original poster
Beelzebop · 16/07/2017 00:11

Maybe I should've done more, I was hindered in doing so. I don't like throwing labels but there are some weird dynamics at play. Narcissistic tendencies seem to exist and frankly they are all mad! There, I've said it. Also previous poster, how about the concierge who handed over the keys, the bil, partner and everyone else? I had no back up. I'd like to see you have the balls.

OP posts:
anchor9 · 16/07/2017 04:41

phoning crime stoppers is pointless. you need to call 999 (and please do next time) as they need to be caught in the act. that is an emergency.

Only1scoop · 16/07/2017 05:07

I think the most respect I'd have lost would have been for my dh for dismissing it. Horrible situation Op.

ExpatinBah · 16/07/2017 05:54

Unfortunately, without evidential proof - the police cannot do anything (unless waiting outside the said house as they pull in and breathlysing there and then).

As a former Police Officer many many years ago, our patrol were called to an RTA on a UK motorway. Six car pile up. The car that caused this swerved out of control, hit the central reservation (fast lane) - this was due to a mother who had been drinking but not eating. That family lost 1 adult and three young children in an instant - the others suffered life changing injuries - two of which died shortly thereafter.

You should not have allowed them to a) leave the venue given your alleged suspicions b) recorded his number plate and inform 999 or at least, gone to a quiet area, phoned 999 and alerted the final destination (if known).

ExpatinBah · 16/07/2017 05:57

"I had no back up. I'd like to see you have the balls"

If, regardless, children and adults are at a risk - anyone would have the 'balls'. You obviously did not.

SnugglyBedSocks · 16/07/2017 06:05

OP - i think you have done great. Ignore those who say you could have done more

SchadenfreudePersonified · 16/07/2017 06:42

A friend's son was killed by a drunk driver. He was walking along the pavement on his way home after evening shift. He left a wife and four young children.

Piratesandpants · 16/07/2017 08:24

Op, your posts seem very self-centred and 'poor, helpless me'. You weren't helpless or 'hindered' at all. You had full responsibility for your actions. Having tried to stop them why didn't you just call the police? Full stop.

VestalVirgin · 16/07/2017 09:48

WTF? Why are so many here blaming the OP? Why don't you, you know, blame THE PEOPLE WHO DECIDED TO DRIVE DRUNK!?

OP tried to make them see reason. They did not listen. Her phone was broken and now you make it look like she alone is to blame if her idiot family killed someone by driving drunk.

It would have been good if she had been able to stop them, but it is not her responsibility. They are adults and should have known better. They are to blame.

I think the most respect I'd have lost would have been for my dh for dismissing it.

Yeah. If he had backed her up, he could have phoned the police with his presumably unbroken phone. Or just hindered them from getting into the car.

I'd understand it if it was a debate about whether a glass of wine is okay before driving, but the cousin slurred his words, his being drunk was not up for debate.

MumsOnCrack · 16/07/2017 09:54

I took my friend's keys off her and posted them through the pub letterbox. She was so cross she fell over and chipped a tooth. Better that than worse...

Rhubarbtart9 · 16/07/2017 10:02

OP you did great. And you've told them how unhappy you are with their behaviour. I'm sure you'll coordinate calling the police straight away next time. I imagine it caught you by surprise yesterday

MineKraftCheese · 16/07/2017 10:02

@Piratesandpants I suppose you say the same to women in DV relationships. "Just leave, it's not hard"

😒🙄

QuackPorridgeBacon · 16/07/2017 10:25

You mentioned that "in our country that's illegal" so where are they from? Do they live here? Have they lived here long? It's not an excuse as they should learn our laws prior to coming over, but is it possible that it's ok to do back home hence the way they reacted?

I agree you could have done more though, this isn't about you or your kids you knowingly let them leave when doing so could have resulted in the death or injury of others. You failed to notify police or get the registration number and call with a destination point so the police could catch them. No one else stopped you, you stopped yourself from doing anything.

Original poster
Beelzebop · 16/07/2017 12:10

To those slating me. I really think that you have not thought about the situation properly. Me, pitch black fields in front of hotel, swarms of drunken guests all ignoring me, I'm running up to people begging for help, my three young children are strapped into my car which is parked a distance away so I need to watch them too. I sent my dp off to go and tell the concierge /ring police. He did not. The driver is at this point getting in the car as I am trying to stop him. I was too busy trying to stop him than to write down a fucking number plate, then my kids are screaming because my phone that they were playing on is dead and my partner is shouting.
The individuals involved are I believe two narcissists and a trodden down fool and the driver has never been a particularly nice man.
If you negative posters think you could've done better then well done, if only I could be as good as you. As for it being about me, it's about my Twattish In laws and what I should've done, so yes I am involved. Hmm Thanks to those who are supportive, or don't agree but are reasonable.

OP posts:
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