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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think when you're ill in the night....

53 replies

inmyshoos · 13/07/2017 01:17

it would be normal for your dh/partner to come and check on you if they heard you up?

Just wondered. Mine never has. I have been vomiting rings round myself at times and although he will say he has heard me, he never comes to see if i am ok. Aibu to expect him to?

OP posts:
Kinderbonbon · 13/07/2017 08:19

Mine will check but only because I'm the least discreet person !

WinnieTheMe · 13/07/2017 08:21

Mine is a heavy sleeper. He'd not even wake.

KatharinaRosalie · 13/07/2017 08:23

No, and I wouldn't check on DH either, because we both prefer to be left alone when throwing up. I would expect him to call for help if he needs it.

SootSprite · 13/07/2017 08:24

What works for one couple isn't going to work for others. The point being that YOU need him to come and check on you. If he doesn't, have you ever told him what you would like or asked him why he doesn't? Surely that's the first step?

SheepyFun · 13/07/2017 08:29

We always check - if one of us hasn't made it to the loo, the other will clear up. Plus DH has started passing out when he vomits (no alcohol involved), I'd rather support him/put him in the recovery position than have a trip to A&E. So I now get up rather faster when he's ill.

5moreminutes · 13/07/2017 08:30

No, I don't think that's normal or that many adults would want to be checked on while they vomit.

Normal is to ask when they come back to bed whether they are alright and whether they need medicine or anything, and to check every few hours on someone properly ill in bed for the entire day and ask if they need water or meds to be brought upstairs to them, but if a capable adult has got themself to the toilet there is nothing to be gained by going and watching them throw up.

Different for a child who might be scared, or if the person has a health condition meaning they might actually be in danger and need and ambulance/ help standing back up or anything of course. Normally for an adult it would be really weird to go and check on them while in the act of vomiting, when the last thing most people would want is an audience.

Sanscollier · 13/07/2017 08:30

Of course we check on one another and help where we can.

SpuriouserAndSpuriouser · 13/07/2017 08:35

I would always check DP was ok and didn't need anything (e.g. Paracetamol, glass of water) and that he wasn't seriously ill i.e. vomiting in pain from a burst appendix or something. He would do the same for me.

Ameliablue · 13/07/2017 08:37

I wouldn't expect him to get up just because I'm being sick. No need really.

peachgreen · 13/07/2017 08:38

My DH is a natural-born carer - he gets so much fulfilment from looking after me and it's the way he shows love (he's run ragged right now as I'm having a difficultish pregnancy but he also loves it!). However, he's also a very deep sleeper so despite the fact that he would love to be there for me when I'm ill in the night, he always sleeps through me being sick. (Thank goodness - I HATE anyone coming to check on me when I'm vomiting!)

Have you told your DH that you'd like him to check on you?

TheVeryThing · 13/07/2017 08:43

Is it weird that I don't remember either of us getting up in the night to vomit & we have been together for over 20 years?
I think we would be of the 'checking you're ok when you get back to bed' variety, though.

Notreallyarsed · 13/07/2017 08:45

DP is deaf in one ear and sleeps on his "good" ear, so wouldn't hear me. That said if I've ever been ill in the night and one of the kids is up, if I wake him he gets up to them and then comes to check on me.

EdmundCleverClogs · 13/07/2017 08:50

The armies of hell couldn't wake my partner once he's asleep. However, I hate people near me when I'm ill (or in labour as I found out), so it doesn't bother me. I've been suffering suspected gallbladder attacks recently, the only time I thought of waking him was when I genuinely thought I was dying. It passed through, I'm still here obviously! My partner is of more use the next day when I can play the poor me card and not have to do some chores as I'm knackered/still achey Wink. I wouldn't get up for him either, unless I thought he might pass out/hurt himself.

MumIsRunningAMarathon · 13/07/2017 08:51

No I wouldn't expect it.... at all

Fluffyears · 13/07/2017 09:03

I'd be mortified if he saw me puking

BTPlonker · 13/07/2017 09:04

No, my DH never has, and its never occurred to me to be that bothered. If it is just that one thing I don't think it is a big deal, how considerate is he generally?

Fluffyears · 13/07/2017 09:04

We are the check if they are ok when they came back to bed variety. I hate being sick and I am horrified if anyone sees me if I'm sick.

BlindAssassin1 · 13/07/2017 09:08

DP would ask if I was ok when I got back into bed. I wouldn't want him there rubbing my back, or holding back my hair. I'd want to be left alone. What I would want is some help the next day if I was still ill. Which is less forthcoming.

SongforSal · 13/07/2017 09:27

Mine generally does. That's more to do with whenever I get sick, I panic I will choke on it and die. Once had a bad virus where I couldn't breathe as I kept throwing up, it was scary!

nannybeach · 13/07/2017 09:27

Mine doesnt hear anything, i he gets ill, I will knowa bout it. I complained once he never checks on me, because I worked on a Hyper-Acute Stroke Unit, one poor woman fell out of bed making strange noises, her DH thought she was having a nighmare and ignored it till he found her on the floor in the morning.

GreeboIsACutePussPuss · 13/07/2017 09:40

No, I've never got up to check on DH and he's never checked on me. If it's bothering you ask DP why he doesn't check on you, it might be he doesn't realise you want him to.

MarklahMarklah · 13/07/2017 09:42

Dh is a heavy sleeper.
I was unwell in the night last week. I think I got up about 10 times to go and vomit. I did wake him when I got up to make yet another bathroom dash at around 7am (I'd been awake on & off since midnight, waking to puke/pee). He looked into the bathroom, saw me vomiting, went to check I had water, and when I was able to talk asked if it'd been going on all night. Then he checked to see if I needed anything and left me to it.

anchor9 · 13/07/2017 09:49

i could probably vomit on my DP and he wouldn't wake up

SteppingOnToes · 13/07/2017 10:19

No point in everyone being up awake. If I'm ill I'd take myself to the spare room so as not disturb the rest of the house. A bit of vomming really isn't something to get so wound up about.

My EXP left me sat for 8 hours overnight on the toilet miscarrying - I'd have expected a hand-hold there, but not for puking...

ConstanceCraving · 13/07/2017 10:41

If I ran to the bathroom to be sick I don't think he'd get up but would probably ask if I was ok and if I needed anything once back in bed. I'd do the same for him. I don't like being fussed when I'm throwing up and he knows that.

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