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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want family pet around newborn?

73 replies

Sangriasally86 · 12/07/2017 21:37

My parents have a dog who is incredibly boisterous and uncontrollable. He's about 6 years old, and has bitten both my mum and dad in the past (a couple of times so severely that they've had to go to a&e and have stitches). AIBU in not wanting the dog anywhere near my newborn when he's born? It will make it very difficult to be able to see my parents at their house, but they can always come to me. I would just rather put the safety of my defenceless child first rather than the convenience of going round there and risking the dog being in the same room. My parents are both quite upset by this as they can't see what the problem is, and have said that they will make sure that the dog goes nowhere near the baby, but the dog is incredibly strong and if he was intent on getting to my baby I think he would be able to. Am I right to refuse to have the baby in the same room as the dog or am I overreacting?

Worth mentioning also that DH hates dogs and is also not wanting the baby near a dog at all.

OP posts:

64PooLane · 13/07/2017 08:02

Would your parents listen to someone like a vet or, I don't know, another authority figure of some sort? Not a dog owner so I don't know if there are leaflets or public information guidance or something like that you can point to on this topic? It sounds like they find it too easy to dismiss your perfectly valid thoughts on this because you're their child.

Arguing about the cat - ffs.

Scottishchick39 · 13/07/2017 08:05

My sisters dog is very boisterous and pretty uncontrollable but has never bitten anyone, I refused to take my son to her house. He is almost 5 and it's only recently that they've been introduced. It was more the thought of the dog knocking him over or standing on him but that was enough for me. If her dog had ever bitten then there's no way I would have ever taken my son there.

joojoobean99 · 13/07/2017 08:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mulberry72 · 13/07/2017 08:12

You're absolutely NBU!

I wouldn't allow a child if any age to be around an uncontrollable, unpredictable dog that has a track record of biting, nevermind a newborn.

Your parents ABVU!

BlueIsYou · 13/07/2017 08:14

Following with interest.

DH treats the dog at his Mum's like his very own son and I worry how the dog will react to my newborn.

He hasn't got a bad bone his his body (the staffy), but he is never actually told to get down from people when he jumps up etc and his claws hurt my bump quite a bit

Ropsleybunny · 13/07/2017 08:29

YANBU.

sticklebrix · 13/07/2017 08:36

I think you are being very responsible and not at all unreasonable OP. Your DPs aren't making this easy. Good for you.

Ask your midwife/health visitor/doctor when the baby arrives. They will tell you to keep the baby away from a dangerous dog. Your DPs might find expert opinion easier to accept (although your opinion should be be sufficient!)

WankYouForTheMusic · 13/07/2017 08:39

Of course you can't go round there, and I wouldn't be going for Christmas either.

The posters talking about how it could be made safe are missing the point. Sure, there are doors etc, but the owners are people who don't feel the dog is a threat. Nothing in their behaviour suggests they're going to understand and prioritise the need to keep the dog locked away, because they think the dog being in the same room as the newborn is fine.

Similarly, just one chance is ridiculous. Either this dog is a threat, in which case one chance is too many, or it isn't, in which case it doesn't need to be limited to one.

Also OP, nobody has yet mentioned that your DP is against this. Now he doesn't get the final say, and you could go against his wishes if you want. But for something you're not keen on doing anyway? Wouldn't choose that hill to die on myself. If one parent is dead against something and the other doesn't much like the idea, it's a no brainer.

kaytee87 · 13/07/2017 08:47

Your parents are right about one thing, it's not the dogs fault that it bites. It's their fault.
They are irresponsible dog owners and need to get the dog properly trained.

I love dogs and sadly had to have my 17yo boy put down in February but I hate irresponsible owners and wouldn't have my baby around a dog that bites.

5moreminutes · 13/07/2017 08:49

YANBU at all. If they don't take your points seriously they will not make a genuine effort to keep the dog separate, it will be a token half hearted gesture and not done properly.

After my toddler was bitten by an extended family member's dog (the dog ran up to the toddler, we had no way of knowing the owner whom we heard coming into the house had a dog with her, it was not the dog's house) I sought assurances the dog would not be brought to a family gathering at a third family member's home. The extended family are mostly "dog people" in the sentimental sense of treating their dogs better than their children and over indulging and under (or simply not) training them - the one person who actually knows about dogs doesn't treat hers like children or take them to family parties...

Low and behold we travelled a long distance to third family member's house, and biting dog owner had brought their biting dog, because it was "unfair" to put my wishes for the dog not to be there above the dog's right to go everywhere with its owner. Dog and owner had travelled a few minutes and we had travelled for 6 hours. The dog was "kept separate" by being given the run of the entire house (not the dog's home, as I've said). The plan was to eat in the garden - it was pouring with rain, but this was stuck to - we ate under an awning in the garden so the dog could have the house, because it wouldn't be "fair" to confine the dog to a single room nor to the garden.

Just don't go the house, it isn't worth the risk if your parents don't share your concerns. There are a depressing number of people who people rate their sentimentality over a dog far higher than their grandchildren/ nephews/ nieces.

londonrach · 13/07/2017 08:51

Yanbu. If the dog has bitten that badly why does your parents still have it. Its not safe

Original poster

Sangriasally86 · 13/07/2017 08:53

Wankyouforthemusic - The fact that DH is also dead against the baby being around the dog is enough for me. I did say to my mum that I would never go against his wishes when it comes to the safety of our child (as I would expect him to extend the same courtesy to me), but I didn't really get a response to that, just the same look from her that I am being ridiculous. Also, I know he would never trust me again if I went ahead and did something anyway that he is so against.

These replies have confirmed that I'm not BU so thank you everyone. I will not have my child in the same room as the dog, hopefully I'll be able to eventually get my family to see things from my perspective (not that I should have to! And that's why I'm so bloody angry!!).

OP posts:

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 13/07/2017 08:57

Sangria, I have a dog, he can open doors !
I would only visit your parents, if he was behind a locked door. Babies make lots of strange sounds, which can unnerve some dogs.
You are doing the right thing, protecting your little one, your parents are being unreasonable, but can visit you at your house.
Christmas at home , will still be lovely !

WankYouForTheMusic · 13/07/2017 08:59

Of course you shouldn't have to OP. Unfortunately it's the way it is sometimes. I have a very close relationship with my parents, but there are also things with them (not pet related) that I just know for certain and from bitter experience that they cannot be trusted to do. So it's best all round that I don't expect them to do those things. I think this is the same here.

LDN17 · 13/07/2017 09:01

YANBU. I don't visit my mum because of her 4 dogs. I don't trust them. 3 of the dogs are big things. She's more than welcome to come and visit us but she doesn't.
Owners such as my mum, who say their dogs are friendly don't reassure me that their dog won't snap. In fact the relaxed attitude makes me worry even more. I can't avoid dogs out in public, but if I can avoid a house where there are dogs then I will.

BoredOnMatLeave · 13/07/2017 09:15

I had this with my dad. They got a very excitable puppy 5 months before DD was born and have never bothered to train him. He hasn't hurt anyone but he jumps up, scratches and nibbles at you constantly I find it way too stressful. To be honest it's made our relationship a bit difficult and I try and avoid going there, but I have never been close to my dad anyway so I expect its mainly that.

DD is 1 now and the dog still tries to put his teeth on her. I am a bit PFB but I refuse to let him near her. It hurts a bit for me let alone a small child. As soon as we walk though the door he jumps up and tries to nip her feet . I am a dog person by the way and it's not his fault at all, its his irresponsible owners!

araiwa · 13/07/2017 09:16

If the dog is locked in a room/ cage and whining and they want to let it out, say they can in 5 minutes after you have packed and left

Be clear this is non negotiable and no exceptions, then it is their choice of dog or grandchild

ZippyCameBack · 13/07/2017 09:24

We had a very similar problem with my parents' nasty, yappy little Jack Russels. They insisted that since the dogs live there and the children don't, it's the children who are responsible if they are bitten- this included my newborn baby btw (my mother allowed one of them to lick the baby's face and when he cried, the dog growled at the baby). They are utterly clueless, which is surprising since they had a large family themselves (although we did always come a very poor second to whatever dogs they had at the time). The dogs have bitten me and shown aggression towards my children but still my parents wouldn't put them in another room.
We just don't visit them any more. Job done, problem solved.

Bluerose27 · 13/07/2017 09:33

Yanbu, your baby's safety is paramount and your dad's comment about your cat is him clutching at straws to justify his position. Stand your ground!!

lucydogz · 13/07/2017 09:45

YANBU at all.

Kidssendingmenuts · 13/07/2017 09:48

I'm a dog lover and always let my dogs near the baby, but they are well controlled and never left alone with the kids.
You are not being unreasonable in the slightest, you are putting the safety of your newborn first.
If your parents can't see that then more fool them but the fact the the dogs is strong, out of control and is known for biting I most definitely would not put my baby in that situation. X

StarryCorpulentCunt · 13/07/2017 09:57

I have two large dogs, a 3 year old and a toddler. They are not particularly supervised together, I trust both dogs implicitly. I don't think you are being anything but sensible. If this dog has a history of biting it really should have been put down. I would have. It would break my heart but I'd do it. If it really wasn't his fault as they say then why the fuck were they tormenting him? What kind of idiots do that? They clearly have no idea how to behave with a dog and shouldn't have him.

laughingclouds · 13/07/2017 09:59

Absolutely agree with some previous comments - the real problem here is their attitude. If you can trust them to keep the dog locked in a room, or preferably in a crate, it would be workable, but your description makes me think they'd let it out. We've got a big dog, gentle but clumsy, and we've been doing extra training with her before we have our first DC, and she will absolutely never be allowed in the same room without me or DH present and in control.

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