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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want family pet around newborn?

73 replies

Sangriasally86 · 12/07/2017 21:37

My parents have a dog who is incredibly boisterous and uncontrollable. He's about 6 years old, and has bitten both my mum and dad in the past (a couple of times so severely that they've had to go to a&e and have stitches). AIBU in not wanting the dog anywhere near my newborn when he's born? It will make it very difficult to be able to see my parents at their house, but they can always come to me. I would just rather put the safety of my defenceless child first rather than the convenience of going round there and risking the dog being in the same room. My parents are both quite upset by this as they can't see what the problem is, and have said that they will make sure that the dog goes nowhere near the baby, but the dog is incredibly strong and if he was intent on getting to my baby I think he would be able to. Am I right to refuse to have the baby in the same room as the dog or am I overreacting?

Worth mentioning also that DH hates dogs and is also not wanting the baby near a dog at all.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 12/07/2017 22:23

Your dad is an idiot, and you would be CRAZY to allow your child near this dog. You know how dangerous this animal and the damage it could do to your child is unthinkable. Stand your ground and REFUSE to endanger your baby

AngelThursday · 12/07/2017 22:25

Why do they still have the dog if it has bitten so badly in the past that stitches have been required?
And no, you're totally not bu

MEESH25 · 12/07/2017 22:25

YANBU! Trust your insintics

Original poster
Sangriasally86 · 12/07/2017 22:29

AngelThursday - Theres always an excuse as to why the dog got aggressive that wasn't his fault, i.e. He was being protective over his food, dad was tormenting him, etc. But I don't care what the reason is. The fact that he's bitten a human is enough for me. It just makes me shiver when I think of a newborns tiny head compared to the dogs jaws. Thanks for all replies, I will be standing my ground on this.

OP posts:
Blossomdeary · 12/07/2017 22:32

Oh for goodness sake - what can your parents be thinking of? They need their brains examining! Of course your baby should be nowhere near the dog - not ever, by the sound of it, if it has bitten your parents. Don't pussyfoot around them - just say NO!

TheMysteriousJackelope · 12/07/2017 22:36

YANBU.

When your child is older it will be even more of a concern. Toddlers have high pitched voices and tend to run away when startled or scared. In other words they act even more like prey to a dog than a newborn does. They can also run out of your reach so you can't help them quickly enough.

If you phrase it more like 'I don't want my child to trigger your dog, resulting in the dog having to be killed', they might be more receptive. Even if they aren't worried about your grandchild, which is bad enough, you'd think they'd be worried about the repercussions for their dog as concerned pet parents.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 12/07/2017 22:37

Overprotective? The dog has bitten several times and caused stitches, you'd be out if your mind letting it anywhere near your child. Surely it should have been "sent to the farm" a long time ago

elio · 12/07/2017 22:40

YANBU. We have a similar situation and until the dog dies we are not going to their house. I don't care who this upsets, I could not live with myself if something happened to my child because I was afraid of offending people. I also don't trust their dog to stay confined, it only takes a small mistake, it's just not worth it. I don't think I'd want to go to their house even as an adult by the sounds of it. Stand your ground and trust your gut instinct that it's not safe.

Justhadmyhaircut · 12/07/2017 22:43

Your dps have decided to keep their 'baby' from certain death (ie pts)
Feel free to do the same. .

I have 3 ddogs. . 1 a so called devil dog in the past. . . Around my dc under supervision as with all my ddogs. . Nobody has been bitten under my watch. . Unfortunately your dps can't say the same.
Stand firm op. It is your responsibility to your dc to do so.

booloobalooloo · 12/07/2017 22:51

My grandparents had a similar dog. Only they kept the biting mainly secret from my mum. If she'd known I would never have been allowed near. I remember the attack and now have permanent scarring on my face from where I was bitten and a nervousness of dogs including being petrified of them being near my face. I was maybe 3 years old, now in my 30s. Keep the baby away. Mum tried to keep us seperate. All it takes is one moment...

Hidingtonothing · 13/07/2017 00:25

Flowers booloo, sadly your experience absolutely proves OP's point and you're right, it does only take one moment. Sangria something jumped out in your last post about the excuses your parents have used for the dog biting, you mentioned your dad 'tormenting' him. It baffles me why so many men (and it is men pretty much exclusively) seem to think teasing a dog is an appropriate way to play with them, I've seen it too often and it puts me on edge everytime. It does make me wonder why this dog is biting and whether this kind of 'play' might be part of the problem. Not that any of that makes any difference, this dog should be nowhere near your baby.

BeepBeepMOVE · 13/07/2017 00:31

Even if it's strong it wouldn't be able to undo a locked door!

They could easily shut it in a different room/ a crate or get one of those floor tether things. Or kennel in garden, none of these things would harm the dog for a couple of hours.

Ideally they should try training it though. Does it get enough exercise? That is nearly always the problem with problem dogs- not enough stimulation.

ijustwannadance · 13/07/2017 00:37

I wouldn't go round with baby. Tell them to visit you.
I also would never allow them to babysit my child. They clearly have no control over the dog.

LockedOutOfMN · 13/07/2017 00:40

Agree with ijustwannadance. See your parents out of their home and away from the dog. Your gut instinct is correct.

Seeingadistance · 13/07/2017 01:13

Your parents, particularly your father, are idiots.

You are right. Keep your baby well away from the dog - and don't take the baby to their house as the dog could well escape from another room, possibly even with help from your parents as they seem so bizarrely unconcerned.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 13/07/2017 01:19

Yanbu. At all.

Notmyrealname85 · 13/07/2017 01:30

You'd be unreasonable not to tell them that the pet isn't allowed lose when you are visiting. Zero tolerance policy - and tell them you'll buy them a dog cage for DDog when you're around. It's so risky if someone has a boisterous dog - it might mean well, but could easily scar your DC for life. Few years ago a colleague's DC nearly lost his eye this way, it's so not worth the risk

emmyrose2000 · 13/07/2017 03:00

YANBU! Or overprotective. You're being very sensible. What the hell is wrong with your parents?!

If my parents/PIL prioritised their dog, and a dangerous one at that, over my child/their grandchild, they'd never see said child at all.

araiwa · 13/07/2017 05:39

I think youre being a bit precious not to visit their home at all.

If the dog is locked in the garden/ a cage etc i dont see the problem.

I would also be clear that the first time the dog is free when the baby is there is when you will leave and baby will not come back. No exceptions, no second chances

Brittbugs80 · 13/07/2017 07:12

I would also be clear that the first time the dog is free when the baby is there is when you will leave and baby will not come back. No exceptions, no second chances

This. It would seem a shame to avoid the house altogether. As long as you trust them not to let the dog in, or casually leave a cage door open or similar.

Do you have siblings with young children? How do they deal with it?

And never let them look after the baby alone in their house!

PlumpAndPlain · 13/07/2017 07:31

YANBU
I very rarely visit my mum due to this issue - I went to her house just last week for the first time in 2 and a half years with my 3 year old and baby.
It just confirmed that the dog is poorly trained and they have a casual approach to keeping it separate to my children. I spent the whole visit on edge and it ended with the dog having 'somehow' getting in to the gated garden, my children in hysterical tears and me shouting at my stepdad. Not worth it.
I won't be revisiting with the kids whilst the dog is alive. They just cannot see the problem and they don't take my concerns seriously.

BallOrAerosol · 13/07/2017 07:43

If the dog is locked in the garden/ a cage etc i dont see the problem.

The problem is that the parents don't really want to do this. I can imagine a situation where the dog is shut away in another room, and is whining to get out, after 20 minutes or so of listening to its noise they might say, 'oh poor thing, he does not like it, can't we just let him in here with us, it won't be a problem' If they are not on board with keeping the dog away then they won't do it.

It will be empty promises to get you to come round, then somehow the dog will be allowed back in with your parents. So I don't think you can trust them given the attitude they have already displayed. Don't do it, OP.

BallOrAerosol · 13/07/2017 07:45

X post with plumpandplain That was exactly the situation I was envisaging.

FutureDays · 13/07/2017 07:55

We do not go to my Fil for this reason, his dog has bitten him previously, attempted to bite dh and myself, I do not want to go near the dog and there is not a chance at all that I will have the dog near my daughter.

We have a big dog ourselves but she is very gentle, have never tried to bite and acts as our daughters protector, but I would still never leave them alone

Inertia · 13/07/2017 08:02

Yanbu. Your parents are fools.

For those posters suggesting one chance- that's a risk that just can't be taken, not when there's a risk of permanent injury or the death of a child.