To leave one teacher out of the present giving?

[zaphodbeeblebox]

Hi! Ds will be leaving nursery next week. It's a 2 class nursery but the staff team all work together. There are two teachers, his teacher who is wonderful and he adores and the other one who is "in charge" but is a waste of fresh air. She's absent/on courses 2/3 times a week and her class is taught by a sucession of supplies, ds really doesn't like her and says she shouts all the time and (most important to me) we had a very serious safeguarding issue recently, we actually kept him at home for a couple of days until it was sorted. She was utterly useless, couldn't care less and didn't even bother to tell his class teacher why he was off.
So, presents. I absolutely love the nursery and all the rest of the staff. His teacher has got a special present, the others have all got a gift and he's chosen them all himself but he just shrugs when I ask what to get for the other teacher. Aibu to just leave her out? I probably am aren't I ?

What about a small box of chocolates?

I think you should get a token.

As in something small.

YANBU. It might be the note she needs to improve.

Don't gift her anything- she shouldn't be rewarded for her lack of professionalism.

Get nothing - he's leaving nursery anyway

No. Not BU at all. Maybe it will make her re-think her attitude. We didn't give our DS's teacher a present last year. She had done nothing for his benefit, quite the opposite. Went out of her way to isolate him from the class. She is paid. She has a salary, no way was I giving her something extra on top.
(And yes, official complaints were made, upheld etc etc)

Do whatever makes you and your ds happy. I'm a teacher and tbh I wouldn't notice if a child in my own class didn't get me a present (I certainly wouldn't expect one from a child in a partner class either).

Don't get one OP. Teachers don't expect presents and you don't want to give one as you've not been happy with her and your son doesn't like her. It would be daft to buy something.

She won't even know or notice unless all the staff do an excel spreadsheet of who gave what. Gifts are given as an extra token of gratitude and you don't feel that way so leave it.

If you don't have another child going through nursery I wouldn't bother with a present. If you do might make it slightly awkward especially if it's an over subscribed nursery.

The nursery we want ds1 to go to is the same one as both dds went to and is a 2 year wait list 😱. They are amazing but I wouldn't want to annoy them if they could alter the waiting list.

If she's not his key teacher it's probably OK to give one to his teacher and to the support staff. Not like leaving out one half of a job share. But I'm wondering if you are posting because you feel uncomfortable about it and whether you'd feel better being the bigger person and giving her something?

Don't reward someone who you don't like or respect.

I gave the good teaching assistant a gift and not one for the teacher. Awful teacher.

Don't give her anything. The staff are not entitled to presents - it is a thank you for going above and beyond. Would you tip a waiter / waitress if they'd shouted at your DS and done something to make him unsafe?

Presents are not a right. She gets a salary to teach that class, that's her reward.
You don't want to give her a gift, then don't. Gifts are for when people go above and beyond and you feel the need to say a real bank you. Crap teachers don't get gifts. Giving her one would be completely pointless.
At the end of the day, teachers just do a job like everyone else, and get a salary. They don't need gifts.
I don't give my dentist presents.

Definitely don't do it. There is simply no need.

I'd leave her out too, she doesn't deserve a gift imo

At our old nursery they wait until everyone has gone home, put all the gifts in a pile and then take it in turns to pick something. Saves people getting things they won't use. So they wouldn't notice if you missed one out. Obviously they are discreet about this, I think I found out by popping back for something forgotten at the end of term.

I expected a lot more people telling me I was being horrible. Bishy I think you've hit the nail on the head, I do feel a bit uncomfortable. Not about the gift as such but about the fact that I've very happily bought every other member of staff a little gift.... They've been lovely with him and we bought the gifts happily. However, I think it would look awkward to hand over a beg containing several gifts and have that "oh there's not quite enough" moment.
Mind you, with her track record she probably won't be there anyway

wowbutter wrote exactly what I thought.

Not BU at all.

I could have written your post a couple of weeks ago. DS put a lot of effort into making cards for 2 of his 3 nursery teachers and all the teaching assistants. He refused to make one for the other teacher.

I pointed out that it wasn't kind to leave someone out, but he just said 'But Mummy, SHE isn't kind'. He was right - she is shouty and sharp with the kids and really unhelpful to the parents. So the others got their cards and a wee present, she didn't. I tried to do it discretely but still felt pretty mean. On balance, I think it was the right decision though...

Teachers in a nursery?

What are they being taught, isn't nursery about play and enjoying new things anymore?

Off topic I know but are we talking about a 4 year old?

Yanbu. You don't HAVE to give any gifts, there is no obligation.
Do whatever makes you feel happiest, so if you would prefer to get a token then do so, but certainly don't feel you have to.

Um Sandy it's a foundation unit attached to a school. They teach phonics, early maths, they've taught him to write his name, write simple sentences, doubling and halving to ten. They have discussions about issues like friendship and being kind, they basically follow the early years curriculum. He's loved it. This is very common in our area, North of England, not where you live by the sounds of it?