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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

miscarriage

30 replies

sycamoresally · 12/07/2017 12:51

Aibu to ask about your medical management of your miscarriage?

Sadly I've miscarried. I've to go into hospital tomorrow to be given medication for it to pass. Can anyone tell me if they've had this before?

Ive declined surgery in favour of miscarriage at home with whatever it they're giving me. I think it might be a pessary.

Hopefully someone can shed some light on this and tell me their experiences

OP posts:
WillRikersExtraNipple · 12/07/2017 12:53

I would go for the sugical if I were you. I've tried it both ways several times and medical is much worse.

Original poster
sycamoresally · 12/07/2017 12:57

I'm only 6 weeks and it's essentially just the sac that needs to be delivered. The nurses I spoke to said the surgery would be very invasive for the amount of weeks I was. They said they recommend it for miscarriage later in the pregnancy.

OP posts:
NoNeedToArgue · 12/07/2017 12:59

I'm really sorry for your loss.

I had surgery but have had no experience of medical management. There is a brilliant board called 'miscarriage/ pregnancy loss' under 'body and soul' on this site which was invaluable to me during my miscarriage and there will be plenty of people in there with great advice for you. You could repost over there, or ask for this to be moved there.

Wishing you lots of strength and love at this horrible time.

WillRikersExtraNipple · 12/07/2017 12:59

Ah, in that case it should be relatively straightforward. At 6 weeks its like bringing on a very heavy period. Good luck.

user1471462428 · 12/07/2017 13:00

I opted for surgical management however due to delays and 2 week wait I ended up have a miscarriage then being induced at hospital. It was painful and mismanaged. I'm pregnant again and expecting to miscarry and will push for surgical management.

JamesSpaderMadeMeDoIt · 12/07/2017 13:01

I'm so sorry for your loss. Flowers

I've just miscarried naturally (see my thread on miscarriage aftercare) - it was long and drawn out and in the end really painful.

I would go for natural again but I'd already started bleeding- it could be weeks if you haven't already started to bleed.

There are pros and cons of each method.
surgical (my original preferred option) means it's over very quickly. Although you may need a general anaesthetic.

Medical means you get to be in your home and sometimes you may need this process to say goodbye.

Maybe call the miscarriage association to walk through the options.

Main thing is look after yourself

Hugs Flowers

user1471462428 · 12/07/2017 13:02

However at six weeks I'd probably go for tablets. I'm so sorry for your loss. X

Justhadmyhaircut · 12/07/2017 13:04

Scan at 8 weeks showed no hb. . Passed the sac and tiny foetus. . . Had contractions and an urge to push just like when I had my dc. . Bleeding slowed down quickly afterwards and pain stopped. . Have had a d&c under anesthetic years ago but better this way for me personally. . Chance to say goodbye and totally private. . Don't be afraid to ring for help if you feel out of your depth coping at home tho. .
Sorry for your loss. .

Original poster
sycamoresally · 12/07/2017 13:23

Thanks ladies. Your input here means a lot to me just now x

OP posts:
ticketytock1 · 12/07/2017 13:28

Op I'm in a similar position right now except it's an ectopic pregnancy. I've to go back tomorrow for more bloods to determine growth hormone level. Hopefully it has declined and I won't need surgery.
Such a sad horrible feeling.. I'll be thinking of you, good luck Flowers

Original poster
sycamoresally · 12/07/2017 13:35

tickety I'll say a prayer for you that everything is ok. Remember you're not alone. The more I read mumsnet and speak to people the more I realise that. I really hope all goes well for you

OP posts:
Astella22 · 12/07/2017 14:22

Big hugs OP, I had the surgical option after a missed miscarriage, they said there was no growth after week 6, really glad I pushed for the surgical option as I couldn't imagine going through it at home alone.
Pick whatever you feel would suit u best!

flownthecoopkiwi · 12/07/2017 14:24

i did it naturally at 7 weeks, I got told if you did the drug you spend all day sitting around in the ward having your miscarriage and I couldn't think of anything worse. I went shopping, passed the sac at Waitrose and took the dogs out for a long walk and cry.

ticketytock1 · 12/07/2017 14:34

Thanks sally... same to you babes 😘

ticketytock1 · 18/07/2017 19:11

How are you OP?

Elendon · 18/07/2017 19:50

Three and only with surgical. I was 12 weeks and bleeding a lot.

Flowers Never underestimate the loss.

I have three children to birth.

Elendon · 18/07/2017 19:53

I would go with the nurses opinion on this.

Do it at home. And take care. x

cluecu · 18/07/2017 20:04

I had surgical management yesterday at around 5-6 weeks with no heartbeat. I felt physically almost normal today and it was definitely the best option for me. I don't do well with lots of blood and didn't want the medication either. Sorry for your loss it's a horrible thing to happen.

MrsClegane · 18/07/2017 20:16

I had 2 mmc.
1st discovered at 12 weeks baby size of 6 weeks.
2nd was discovered at 12 weeks baby died at 9 weeks (we had seen the hb on a scan at 7 weeks)
I had no pains or bleeding and opted for surgical D&C. Mainly because of advice from my mum who had had several MC, she had gone for natural once and unfortunately, everything didn't come away and she ended up with surgery anyway.

Hope you're ok x x

Roomster101 · 18/07/2017 20:20

I had medical management for two miscarriages (at 12 weeks) as I really didn't like the idea of general anaesthetic/surgery. It was fine physically. I had to stay in hospital until the miscarriage was complete though rather than being at home. I also had a miscarriage at home at 10 weeks (not induced with medication) and that was okay too.

MumInBrussels · 18/07/2017 20:26

I had a missed miscarriage a couple of months ago. I found out when I went for an ultrasound that the baby had stopped growing at about 6 weeks. I opted for the tablets rather than surgery - on the grounds that I could always have surgery later if the pills didn't work, I think. (I wasn't thinking particularly clearly at the time.) I doubted my choice a few times after reading the internet to find out what would happen, but I don't regret it now it's all over. I found the anticipation and worry about what to expect worse than the actual event. I had been expecting lots of blood and pain, and while there obviously was blood, it was no worse for me than a heavy period. There wasn't much pain - an ibuprofen sorted out what little there was. I wasn't sure when the baby had passed - the bleeding started significantly lessening, though, about 5 hours after the second set of pills (I had to take one pill on Monday morning, then had 4 pills inserted vaginally 48 hours later, followed by 2 by mouth after 4 hours when nothing much seemed to be happening) and a scan the next day showed that it had all come out without me noticing.

Emotionally, it's been pretty awful, and I'm so very sorry for your loss, too. But physically it wasn't nearly as bad as I had been expecting. I know this can vary from person to person. I hope it won't be terrible for you, either.

Borntoflyinfirst · 18/07/2017 20:54

I'm sorry for your loss.

I had a mmc a few years ago. I had just a sac to pass. No baby. I chose medical management as I had a toddler at home.

I have to be honest - it was very painful physically and emotionally and I wish I had chosen surgery.

You may find it easier to manage but please make sure you have some strong pain killers and be prepared for the bleeding. Stay at home. I didn't. Thought I could manage and was doubled up in pain in M&S an hours drive from home.

Be kind to yourself whichever way you choose Flowers

Dontknowwherethelineis · 18/07/2017 22:51

I have had both and for me the medical management was far preferable to the surgery - as pp has said, it is a bit like a heavy period, although the passing of the 'material' (I apologise if that is insensitive terminology - I just needed a word that covers the product of both a period and a managed miscarriage) is more proactive than a period if that makes sense, ie, I ended up having what I assume was mild contractions and the urge was to 'push', so different to a period in that way.

When I had surgery I had to have the pessary beforehand to 'soften the cervix' and that caused fairly painful cramping, so when after a second miscarriage I had medical management I asked for painkillers and this helped a lot and meant the pain probably was akin to a period. I would just prepare for it not being as passive as a period.

Poor you that you are having to go through this, it is not a nice thing to have to do but I did feel that the medical management was also easier psychologically as I was fully aware as it was happening and so perhaps processed it more easily. Obviously this is an incredibly personal thing and so there may be many different views on what is best. Good luck x

ticketytock1 · 18/07/2017 22:53

It's great to read all your stories knowing that I'm not alone. I had surgery on Sunday for an ectopic.
We started with the wait and see option but on Saturday night I was having significant shoulder tip pain. They checked my hormone levels and they had almost doubled!
So I was taken into the gyne ward and had my op at 11am on Sunday. It all went well physically. I'm still waiting for it to hit me emotionally..
I had to make a decision as to what to do with that they removed. I couldn't even talk about it. I asked them to take care of it for me. They assured me it would be done so respectfully. The pastoral care in the hospital was amazing.. the nurses were simply outstanding. Angels in earth! My surgeon was the best in his field apparently.. NHS staff are out of this world. Right down to the support staff and the people who bring you your tea. Unbelievable!
Life is colourful and has a plan for us all.. gotta take the ups with the downs...it's the tough times that make us stronger.
Good luck everyone.. love and hugs xx

MumsOnCrack · 18/07/2017 23:11

This thread is so sad. To all posters affected Flowers