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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To give up with teen chores?

75 replies

EssieTregowan · 12/07/2017 09:00

Dd is 13 and Ds1 is nearly 15.

The only chores they have are keeping their rooms tidy and washing up on alternate days.

Dd is awesome at keeping her room clean, Ds is terrible. When he 'tidied' he actually just shoves stuff under his bed so I eventually end up clearing it out every few months, by which time it's disgusting as it's dirty pants and tissues etc all mixed up.

Washing up is a disaster. They've been doing it since they were about nine or ten and it's getting worse, bit better. It takes them hours, between procrastinating and just fucking faffing. They never leave the kitchen clean, and I often end up spending my evening on top of them pointing out the bits they haven't done. Things like leaving an entire pan, or overstacking the dishwasher, or just not putting anything away. It's just painful. Not to mention the water everywhere and the greasy bits.

I can wash up and clean the kitchen in about ten minutes. DH is adamant that they should do it because otherwise I do literally everything for them.

But I'm just so sick of having to either finish the job or spend time and energy calling them back to finish stuff. Plus it's almost a guaranteed argument every single evening and I can just do without it.

Aibu to just say Fuck It and go back to doing it myself? Or is it vital for them to have some responsibility?

I've just had to restack the clean dishwasher and run it again as ds had put it on last night and hardly anything is clean. They just don't seem to get it.

OP posts:

steppemum · 12/07/2017 10:34

buy smaller plates.

seriously, I have a rule that if it can't go in the dishwasher it doesn't live in my house.

Not entirely true as some pots are too big and the oven tray for chips healthy sweet potato wedgies is too big, but everyday stuff like plates?

AlternativeTentacle · 12/07/2017 11:02

Turn the wifi off.

Arse up the dinner tonight on purpose. Play that out to see just how they like it when people deliberately arse up and how it affects other people.

then sit with them and draw up a plan - put it on the wall and stick to it or No WIFI.

mikeyssister · 12/07/2017 11:07

Turn off the wifi and don't turn it back on until the jobs are done properly.

And they should be doing more jobs too.

Baalam · 12/07/2017 11:10

Get your ds to do it by himself. If your dd keeps her room tidy then she gets privileges. Why should she do more than him?

And unless they are not NT, they should be perfectly capable of stacking the dishwasher.

Sorry OP they (particularly your ds) sound lazy and entitled.

If I ask someone to do a job in the house I expect it done well enough so that I don't have to redo it. You have to be boring and naggy for a while until they get that you actually mean it.

Baalam · 12/07/2017 11:10

and definitely buy smaller plates!!

Tazerface · 12/07/2017 11:11

Sit them down and explain that they aren't being asked to do this as punishment, it's because they are part of a family and everyone chips in.

If they don't clear out their rooms - don't expect your clothes to be clean.

If they can't complete a task like washing the dishes properly - don't expect to be given a lift to

If either of them game or use a phone/tablet, take it away until they have completed their task to an acceptable standard.

They'll soon learn it's in their best interest to do things well the first time!

(I wouldn't turn off the wifi as I want to use it!)

Baalam · 12/07/2017 11:13

fwiw, dd (14) is at home today. I am home at 2. I expect the house to be reasonably tidy, no cups or plates left lying around. The kitchen to be clean as I left it. She needs to strip her bed and tidy her room today. Plus walk the dogs and start sorting clothes for her week away. A cup of tea when I get in earns her extra brownie points

no money for this, just what you do when you all live in a house together!

Original poster

EssieTregowan · 12/07/2017 11:20

Right, have just ordered new plates.

So that should make things easier.

I will write out a very simple chart-

Everything in the dishwasher or washed, dried and put away.

Leftovers covered and in the fridge.

Sides wiped down and crumbs cleared away.

I will crack this.

OP posts:

Baalam · 12/07/2017 11:23

go Essie

Original poster

EssieTregowan · 12/07/2017 11:27

They are very different to each other. DD is VERY hard work, neurotic and argumentative, but she is very good at doing household things so long as it's on her own terms. So she'll happily hang washing out, tidy the 5yo's room, mow the lawn etc. But he has to be her idea, if she's asked to do it it's a different kettle of fish. She cares not a jot for sanctions, mainly.

DS on the other hand is polite, works hard at school, rarely argues with us, even when called back down to finish the dishes he will huff and puff but it won't be the rage we get from DD. The flip side is that he is a lazy, messy oik (takes after me...). He is computer obsessed so that's an easy thing to threaten.

I might have to attack them both separately.

OP posts:

Onhold · 12/07/2017 11:28

I altered the shelves in my dishwasher dinner plates fit. You can move the top shelf up in a lot of dishwashers.

Onhold · 12/07/2017 11:28

So dinner plates fit*

MagicMoneyTree · 12/07/2017 11:28

Mulledwine1 when I started uni, you could tell a mile off whose parents had run around doing everything for them and who had been used to doing BASIC chores like washing up for themselves. It was fucking disgusting living with those scummy slobs and I don't care if they eventually figured things out once they had a wife or a place of their own, it was utterly vile. Of course they should be able to wash up properly - they're being lazy and inconsiderate and they're old enough to know better!

Personally, I'd go with changing the wifi password until they've got the message.

Original poster

EssieTregowan · 12/07/2017 11:30

Ours doesn't, we'd already checked that.

The good news is I found Denby medium plates for a fiver each online. I hadn't bought new ones before because I had only seen them for twice that. Result.

OP posts:

HipsterHunter · 12/07/2017 11:36

Yeah! New plates that fit in the dishwasher :-)

mikeyssister · 12/07/2017 11:36

Good for you. Stick to your guns and your life will become easier, but sometimes the cure is harder work than the disease. (Or getting them to do the work properly is harder than doing it yourself)

Foniks · 12/07/2017 11:38

Don't do it again after them. Tell them they'll redo it all if they don't do it right. Get everything from under the bed and leave it in the middle of the room or on the bed for him to tidy.
WiFi, spending money etc will not be allowed unless they do what they're meant to do correctly.

Tazerface · 12/07/2017 11:41

Can you get to an Ikea? They do a set for about £20. Actually Tesco do as well.

Unless you wat fancy ones!

I did a at your 'might have to attack them separately!

Bluerose27 · 12/07/2017 12:09

Seeing as they have different personalities/styles it might be a good idea as a pp suggested to put one person on kitchen duty each night, not 2. Then they'll feel they're only doing it half the time. And if one or other slacks off they're not slowing the other one down.
I also like the "get it wrong tonight, do it again tomorrow" approach.

You'll just have to be firm for a while then once the new regime is in place and the kids realise there's no wiggle room the resisting will stop, they'll see it's quicker to just do it

Original poster

EssieTregowan · 12/07/2017 12:11

They do already do separate nights.

It was horrendous when we started out and they did it together.

Our Denby set was a wedding gift so I wanted to keep it all the same. I like matchy matchy things.

OP posts:

steppemum · 12/07/2017 12:19

divide and rule Essie!

just left clean sheets outside my kids doors. Rule is changed by sat am or no screens sat morning.

Will wait to see who is having a strop on Sat morning as they haven't done theirs and want to sit and watch youtube...

AlternativeTentacle · 12/07/2017 13:02

Get everything from under the bed and leave it in the middle of the room or on the bed for him to tidy.

In the bed would work better. Twilight surprise!

Tazerface · 12/07/2017 13:04

oh @steppemum I like that! Might try that with my lazy boys!

steppemum · 12/07/2017 15:00

Tazer - my mum did this, she went back to work and decided it was time for us to step up to the mark with our rooms. I was about 8, my brothers about 12 and 13.

We took turns. On YOUR Friday, you had to change your sheets, tidy your room so the floor was empty and then Mum hoovered the floor. So once every 3 weeks.
No TV til it was done.
Pre screens really, it was even pre video recorders, so if you missed your tv programe you really missed it.

Our different responses to this were quite enlightening!

Tazerface · 12/07/2017 15:04

I'll bet!

I was a lazy dickhead when I was a teen (well, still am tbh) this would have worked on me but mum did it ALL

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