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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to text MIL privately.......

39 replies

user1482501331 · 12/07/2017 07:41

So it's my hen do in the next two weeks. Train tickets have been booked and hotel rooms reserved (not paid for just reserved). I've had nothing to do with it as my chief bridesmaid has arranged it all as a surprise.

My MIL to be has requested a room on her own (which costs around £150) apparently.

The reason for my worry is that she has form for not turning up to things and sending long waffly texts about why she can't be there usually sent on the day (you know the type where they are about a page long and go into so much detail you actually start to question it!!) - I had one such text an hour into my baby shower saying she'd set off but started feeling ill during the drive so turned back home (hmmmmmm).

It's totally fine if she doesn't fancy it and doesn't want to come - I've no problem with that at all. My main concern is that we can cancel a room a week before without being charged but after that we have to pay for it even if the room is unused. If she doesn't turn up then I'm stuck with the bill on be day including my own! I simply can't afford that!

She hasn't booked a train ticket but I know her two daughters (my sister in laws to be) are driving up instead of the train. During a group chat when my friend actively asked them all if they'd be there she didn't say a word.

AIBU to ask her if she is definitely coming? I really don't want to upset her but it's quite important now that we know for sure.

OP posts:
Collaborate · 12/07/2017 07:42

Perhaps get ht hotel to email her/ring her to confirm the booking, which can then be in her name?

NapQueen · 12/07/2017 07:43

You chief bm is brave booking stuff without taking any money off people.

crumpet · 12/07/2017 07:43

Or make sure she pays upfront

Fishface77 · 12/07/2017 07:46

Text her today and ask for the money or the hotel will cancel the room.
Say you would have paid it but can't afford it so if she doesn't Send the money she can't go.

ChasedByBees · 12/07/2017 07:48

You need her to pay in advance - get everyone to do it now.

NellieFiveBellies · 12/07/2017 07:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NellieFiveBellies · 12/07/2017 07:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SonicBoomBoom · 12/07/2017 07:50

Get your chief bridesmaid to Send her the hotel's number and she can arrange, book, and pay for it herself.

Sunshinegirl82 · 12/07/2017 07:50

Tell her the room has to be paid for in advance and get the money now. Personally I'd be tempted to get the money off everyone now to be honest, will save a lot of hassle on the day if everything is paid for in advance, means everyone can just relax and enjoy themselves!

Hissy · 12/07/2017 07:53

Yup, get itnpaid up front,

or cancel it altogether and ask if a double room could be made a triple at short notice? Then your bets are hedged

AnathemaPulsifer · 12/07/2017 07:56

Perhaps your chief bridesmaid could circulate an email asking for final numbers because rooms can be cancelled free of charge now but will be charged in full closer to the time. Make it clear to all guests that any no-shows will still have to pay as nobody can afford to cover them.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 12/07/2017 07:57

I wouldn't ask her to pay upfront as when she phoned up to pay she may ask and then be told she doesn't have to!

I would phone the hotel, tell them you don't want to be responsible for other people's rooms and to expect a call from her, with her card details.
Then phone MIL and tell her she HAS to give card details, in order to secure the room. If she doesnt do it then cancel the room.

Original poster
user1482501331 · 12/07/2017 07:59

I was actually really surprised when my chief said she hadn't collected money up front!

She's booked through Booking.com so we can't ask the hotel to put it in her name as that's a really good idea.

Think I'm going to have to take the route of asking her for the money up front as that's going to be the only way she either comes or makes sure we aren't the ones out of pocket :-/

Feel awful to doubt her but past form doesn't bode well :-/

OP posts:
AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 12/07/2017 07:59

UAB to have a hen do that involves people having to cough up £150 for a hotel for a night, train tickets and the cost of food, drinks etc. So probably around £300 each.

Original poster
user1482501331 · 12/07/2017 08:00

That's a really good idea AnathemaPulsifer. I'll get on to my CB about it!

OP posts:
IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 12/07/2017 08:01

Oh if it's with booking.com then yes, get her to phone hotel and pay upfront.

Original poster
user1482501331 · 12/07/2017 08:05

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall like I said at the top of my post the MIL has requested a room on her own - she could have split the cost with her daughters and shared a room therefore making it cheaper.

When I sent out my initial message to people I also said I knew these things could expensive so if people couldn't make it not to worry. I know all about money issues being on a debt management plan myself so no I wouldn't say I'm being unreasonable as I expect nothing from anyone and have ensured people know that.

OP posts:
Flyinggeese · 12/07/2017 08:07

Hey OP, can you ask her to book her own room? Cancel the booking.com one as soon as she does.

Groupie123 · 12/07/2017 08:10

Get a cancellable room?

Kidneybean2014 · 12/07/2017 08:13

Send mil details of the hotel, tell he that the room has to be booked by the person staying in it. Get her to book her own room and then she can be responsible for the bill if she doesn't go

Spam88 · 12/07/2017 08:14

Is it too late for your CB to tell everyone she needs the money for the rooms upfront? She's mad not to have done this in the first place.

GU24Mum · 12/07/2017 08:16

Why doesn't the CB e-mail everyone and ask for the money before the cancellation deadline. She's the one who'll be on the hook for the money so it seems sensible for her to let people know that she either needs to know she has the money or will need to cancel when she can still do so without penalty.

MiddleClassProblem · 12/07/2017 08:17

Agree with getting them to pay now so it's covered.

It sounds like MIL has anxiety.

SafeToCross · 12/07/2017 08:21

Oh gosh, get money before the deadline or cancel the rooms. She won't be the only one otherwise.

BakedBeeeen · 12/07/2017 08:26

Deffo get EVERYONE to pay beforehand.
Email everyone and say you need money paying to chief bridesmaid by x date to confirm booking. This is standard practice for a hen do - even if the hotel doesnt need paying before hand - it means it is all sorted.