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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to text MIL privately.......

39 replies

user1482501331 · 12/07/2017 07:41

So it's my hen do in the next two weeks. Train tickets have been booked and hotel rooms reserved (not paid for just reserved). I've had nothing to do with it as my chief bridesmaid has arranged it all as a surprise.

My MIL to be has requested a room on her own (which costs around £150) apparently.

The reason for my worry is that she has form for not turning up to things and sending long waffly texts about why she can't be there usually sent on the day (you know the type where they are about a page long and go into so much detail you actually start to question it!!) - I had one such text an hour into my baby shower saying she'd set off but started feeling ill during the drive so turned back home (hmmmmmm).

It's totally fine if she doesn't fancy it and doesn't want to come - I've no problem with that at all. My main concern is that we can cancel a room a week before without being charged but after that we have to pay for it even if the room is unused. If she doesn't turn up then I'm stuck with the bill on be day including my own! I simply can't afford that!

She hasn't booked a train ticket but I know her two daughters (my sister in laws to be) are driving up instead of the train. During a group chat when my friend actively asked them all if they'd be there she didn't say a word.

AIBU to ask her if she is definitely coming? I really don't want to upset her but it's quite important now that we know for sure.

OP posts:

Wdigin2this · 12/07/2017 08:35

Get your CBM to ask each hen, (inc MIL) for the room money upfront, it's not an unreasonable request. Tell them, that you won't/can't book a room unless it's paid for in advance!

LeannePerrins · 12/07/2017 08:37

Perhaps your chief bridesmaid could circulate an email asking for final numbers because rooms can be cancelled free of charge now but will be charged in full closer to the time. Make it clear to all guests that any no-shows will still have to pay as nobody can afford to cover them.

She needs to go a step further - email requesting confirmation AND TRANSFER OF PAYMENT by the day before the room cancellation deadline. With regret, any rooms not fully paid for by XXnd July will be have to be cancelled.

Your CBM has been a bit naive and needs to cover herself, and even though it is supposedly a surprise you as the bride have a responsibility to make sure that she doesn't get screwed over by your friends or family.

Fattynoms02 · 12/07/2017 08:42

Agree with others, definitely get the money from everyone before the cancellation deadline.

Pouncival · 12/07/2017 08:50

Feel awful to doubt her but past form doesn't bode well :-/

I would go on past form - I think there are a lot of good ideas here

MountainGoats · 12/07/2017 08:50

If I was the CB I would be asking everyone for the money upfront. If anyone cancels the moneys going to be coming out of her account. This also gives you a handy way of not singling MIL out.

DecoRules · 12/07/2017 09:10

Send a message round saying money by (date) or rooms will be cancelled.

rookiemere · 12/07/2017 09:10

Agree with the majority - either you or BM emails everyone advises of free cancellation deadline and asks for the money to be put in whoever is paying for the booking.

Let people know that any rooms not paid for by that date will be cancelled - I like LeannPerrins wording. If for any reason people don't pay by the deadline, they then still have the option of booking it themselves.

Based on past experience your MIL has zero intentions of going - she probably thinks she will, but her lack of response and previous history say otherwise - and nothing wrong with making sure that no one is out of pocket as a result.

GivePeasAGo · 12/07/2017 10:34

Ask everyone for the money upfront paid to cb by the day before the last cancel day. Those who don't pay don't get.

GivePeasAGo · 12/07/2017 10:37

My friend has anxiety as do I. Difference is I'm upfront and if I can't go I either pay for it myself or send the money. My friend doesn't which is very selfish. Especially as she does it a lot too.

Two years down the road, I still get invited to paid things out even if I cancel last minute but she doesn't.

missm0use · 12/07/2017 11:19

I used to work in the reservations department in a hotel - check the cancellation t&c on booking.com's paperwork and the type of booking that's been made. If it's b&b you can usually cancel free of charge up 2pm on the day of arrival, if it's dinner, b&b it's usually a week before hand. Also don't bother phoning the hotel as you'll just be told to contact booking.com - that's what we were always told to do because your 'contract' is with booking.com and not the hotel so they can't change anything without it going through booking.com

Hortonlovesahoo · 12/07/2017 11:31

I'd definitely get the money upfront. You're just asking for trouble otherwise.

emmyrose2000 · 12/07/2017 12:23

I agree with asking for the money upfront.

Just curious - does MIL only pull out of things where someone else is the centre of attention (thus meaning she's not), or does she do it for more generic things too, like a casual family meal?

KimmySchmidt1 · 12/07/2017 12:43

just say yes she can book a private room but needs to pay £150 to secure it, and give her the hotel contact details. that way if she chickens out (sounds like she has anxiety disorder) its her cash.

itsbetterthanabox · 12/07/2017 14:38

Tell her that the payment is required a certain time before.
If she doesn't pay she doesn't come.
Also why are you inviting your MIL on your hen do! Sounds mad to me.

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