AIBU to ask parents of more than one child

[Caretoomuch2017]

Is there a massive financial outlay to a second child?

Yes, your first always costs more as you don't have anything you need but what are the additional financial implications you found to having your second?

Been having a deep and meaningful about if we should have a second with DH and he has raised some valid points about finances in terms of being comfortable now and worrying we wouldn't be as comfortable moving forward.

We have a reasonable income and some disposable income. I work a job share and it's shifts, so we generally pay anywhere between 6-9 days childcare a month. We have a very flexible childminder at the moment.

If we were to have a second, our first would be eligible for the 30 hours free childcare by the time my mat leave ended,which would help with childcare costs.

Yes food bills will increase. Heating bills would be the same. Electricity may increase and water is fixed as we aren't on a meter.

Am I missing anything? I'm getting that urge for a second child. It's weird, between us it was always the other way round, he wanted a larger family and me being an only child was happy with just one. Recently our views seem to have swapped and I genuinely can't imagine not ever having another child.

I am desperate to have another baby but I'm also trying to be sensible too. I don't want to put our family at risk financially either. If it turns out it's a no, I won't lie, I will be devastated but it's something I'll have to get over.

I was just hoping some of you lot would be able to give me your views on having two.
I'd also welcome any stories on how it was emotionally in terms of the shift in attention and having a toddler with a baby. My DS is almost 2.

I know some of what I am asking is quite personal, hence my AIBU but any pearls of wisdom would be gratefully received!

[d270r0]

When they're young its not too much extra. Main cost is childcare. Useful if both same sex then can reuse clothes etc. I imagine as they get oldr they will get much more expensive though.
The first does end up getting quite a bit less attention when the second comes along, babies require a lot of work, I always felt guilty about that.

[Ecureuil]

Mine are 3 and 2. At the moment the financial outlay isn't significant different but I imagine that will change the older they get!

[MyOtherProfile]

The costs kick in as they get older like two sets of all the club's and outings. By then though you will have less child care to pay for so it balances out. And I think you save money by having two because rhey can entertain each other for free!

[FrToddUnctious]

I think you should go for it in your circumstances.

[BrieOnAnOatcake]

2 sets of music lessons , clotehs, entrance to disney....

[trilbydoll]

Childcare for two is eye watering, but once you have the free hours it is okay.

I buy dd2 nicer clothes because I don't have to buy as many. DD1 lived in supermarket and hand-me-downs. Dd2 gets the best hand-me-downs and Boden.

Classes are too difficult with two so we don't do any atm. Hoping to start something for dd2 when DD1 starts school.

Newborn and toddler is easy, just drag newborn around. Tricky stage was when dd2 was crawling/staggering around, DD1 would run off at speed so dd2 just got scooped up all the time.

[Allthewaves]

childcare costs are the killer in early years. Later it's activities, clubs etc

[Shockers]

I think it becomes most expensive when they hit high school.

[BakerBear]

I ve just had ds and I have a dd who is almost 5 years and have found it quite expensive as I had nothing from dd (I never thought I would have another child) so I ve had to buy every single thing again!

His formula is expensive and it cost me almost £2000 to buy everything again

[trilbydoll]

Holidays though... I want to cry just thinking about school holiday prices for all 4 of us!

[toledanosunshie]

When they are babies they can be as cheap as you want them to be but once they get older they can cost a lot more l.

[Smellbellina]

My eldest 2 are of an age now to do extra-currilcular activities, that does pinch a bit but it's not that bad.
I think of any jumps, the one from 1 to 2 is definitely the easiest, in every way.

[DeadDoorpost]

As my parents always said... you'll never be financially ready for a child. both me and my DH are from large families (me from 8, him from 9) and our parents always found (legal) ways to make sure we were fed, clothed, able to do the things we wanted to do (within reason.. we never went on trips abroad as we weren't THAT well off) but if you're aware of the costs, then putting money aside now from any money left over every month will help. And anything that you need again you can always get second-hand for cheaper/free if you have friends or family that can pass things on to you.

As we got older, it got more expensive. Both DH and I have very large appetites from sporty lifestyles and our siblings are exactly the same. Food and water/electricity became more expensive but that was the only issue.

[livingthegoodlife]

i think double chaild care and also school wrap around care is a big expense.

Don;t kid yourself that you will re-use everything from the firstborn. Mine are born in different seasons i have had to buy everything again in different sizes, also different genders (obviously lots of stuff is unisex but clothing is more difficult). Plus equipment gets worn out or too tatty/unsafe. I managed to use most stuff for a second but had to buy new for my third.

entry tickets to things like the zoo etc start to add up as does additional air fare tickets.

I would say the pleasure of two plus the fact that the children keep each other occupied far outweighs any financial cost though. I wouldn't consider the extra expensive prohibitive but it depends how tight your finances are.

[WankYouForTheMusic]

Not yet, but we've never had much childcare and mine are still young.

[Sittinginthesun]

When they are little, it's mainly childcare.

When they are in infants, it's actually not too bad, just wrap around childcare and holidays.

By juniors and secondary school..... Two lots of sports clubs, music lessons, school trips, food, clothes, shoes, shoes, shoes...my ds1 currently has school shoes, football boots, rugby boots, school trainers, tennis trainers, running spikes. And he keeps growing. It's that X 2 that gets expensive.

[Rinkydinkypink]

We had a DS and DD. Second is cheaper but it still comes to alot more. 2x shoes, coats, meals.

Also DS is going to secondary school soon and he's getting really expensive!

[Smellbellina]

I was going to say it doesn't make that much difference re holidays, as most places are for 2 or 4 so you don't end up paying extra.
But that just goes to show we're more of a caravan by the sea kind of family than a hotel abroad I suppose!

[Kittykatmacbill]

Well your childcare will go from 6 to 9 days to 12 to 18 days instantly. Stuff like shoes double the outlay, but also holidays and things like swim classes double too.

[LegoLady95]

Doesn't cost much more when they are pre school. I have 3. My youngest is about to start school and now I am really feeling it with school uniform/shoes/trips, swimming lessons/cubs/rainbows, birthdays/friends parties and presents, not to mention holidays/outings. Plus the sheer amount they eat once they are school age, particularly my two KS2 boys. Dreading the cost of teen years!

[RedLemonade]

I have two- DD1 is 3, DD2 almost 1.

Nothing much extra for DD2 so far apart from more nappies. She wears DD1s clothes in the main, used her cot, buggy, car seat, sling.

Not much extra on food on top of DD1 and I pay our minder a little more, but DD1 will be going to play school in September so that'll help.

I imagine the expense comes later- teenaged clothing, two sets of extracurricular activities, possibly two sets of university expenses etc.

In terms of the emotional side it was a bit of a rollercoaster the first few weeks, feeling desperately guilty on both their behalves for all the reasons under the sun, but DD1 adapted really quickly and they get on very well once DD1 knows she can shout "Emergency! She's making me cross!" and we'll step in immediately and it is so lovely to see the two of them playing together, and to be in the scrum with them both clambering all over me and laughing.

It took me a while to adapt emotionally though. I was very protective of DD2, but I felt the love came later. I think because DD1 was getting more and more enjoyable as she came into all-singing all-dancing toddlerhood, and then there was DD2 just a sleepy little baby in comparison.

Not that I was ever anything less than 100% in my care of DD2; in the time I spent cuddling her, rocking her to sleep, gazing at her and feeling how special and lovely she was, and telling her so. It's just that I think now that DD2 is becoming more mobile, vocal, charming, feisty, "herself" I guess, I find myself as properly, totally smitten with her as I am with DD1.

So for me, not much financial pressure thus far, some unexpected emotional changes during the first year, but now just genuine happiness with my two lovely children, and joy at the love and fun they bring us and each other.

[PolarBearGoingSomewhere]

Childcare

Loss of earnings / mat leave

Housing costs - eg if you need an extra bedroom or extension

Wear and tear is more than doubled, stuff will get broken and damaged more often, and toys, carpets wear out quicker through use

Days out and holidays

Being a young family is different to being a couple with a baby ime - our lifestyle is almost unrecognisable from before, so lots of things don't cost as much (socialising, foreign trips) however going forward it's stuff like x 2 to assist with school holidays, uni fees, driving lessons, house deposits... but presumably earning potential etc will have increased for you and DH by then!

Worth every penny if it's what you both want, though.

[OwlinaTree]

I've got 2. It doesn't cost much more at the moment as they are 3 and nearly 1. I expect that will change as they grow, as they will both need the same amount spending on clothes, clubs, holidays, school trips, etc.

So not much more cost initially, but double the costs later on I expect.

Except childcare in the early years of course.

[Itsjustaphase2016]

Ah you'll never be financially ready for a 2nd child...but if you want one,go for it!
Don't rationalise having a child too much...if you did that, no one would ever even have one child!!
Fwiw,when we had our 2nd and 3rd, we were totally and utterly skint...living in a flat,having rainy camping holidays,having no new shoes for 3 years etc...but circumstances do and will change, and now we are very comfortably off, live in a good size house,go on lovely holidays and privately educate our 3dc. Am very glad we had them when we did!

[5OBalesofHay]

They are more expensive when older but it depends on what your expectations are ~ private schools pony club and expensive holidays and cars at 18 means double the high cost. Frugal family is double the lower cost.