AIBU to ask parents of more than one child

[Caretoomuch2017]

Is there a massive financial outlay to a second child?

Yes, your first always costs more as you don't have anything you need but what are the additional financial implications you found to having your second?

Been having a deep and meaningful about if we should have a second with DH and he has raised some valid points about finances in terms of being comfortable now and worrying we wouldn't be as comfortable moving forward.

We have a reasonable income and some disposable income. I work a job share and it's shifts, so we generally pay anywhere between 6-9 days childcare a month. We have a very flexible childminder at the moment.

If we were to have a second, our first would be eligible for the 30 hours free childcare by the time my mat leave ended,which would help with childcare costs.

Yes food bills will increase. Heating bills would be the same. Electricity may increase and water is fixed as we aren't on a meter.

Am I missing anything? I'm getting that urge for a second child. It's weird, between us it was always the other way round, he wanted a larger family and me being an only child was happy with just one. Recently our views seem to have swapped and I genuinely can't imagine not ever having another child.

I am desperate to have another baby but I'm also trying to be sensible too. I don't want to put our family at risk financially either. If it turns out it's a no, I won't lie, I will be devastated but it's something I'll have to get over.

I was just hoping some of you lot would be able to give me your views on having two.
I'd also welcome any stories on how it was emotionally in terms of the shift in attention and having a toddler with a baby. My DS is almost 2.

I know some of what I am asking is quite personal, hence my AIBU but any pearls of wisdom would be gratefully received!

Not much extra for the first year, 2nd year childcare but dd1 had started school so softened the blow.
Still in the 2nd year but recently started noticing day trips out cost more, babies usually get in for free, once they hit 2 it's double the entry costs.
I had same sex so this made it easier as I buy knowing it can be used for dd2.
We are not well off but reasonably comfortable and the financial impact is not hugely noticeable, I'm sure this will change once the start secondary.

Definitely much more expensive as they get older. As long as your not paying 2 lots of childcare its not much additional costs.
As they get older it's when they start with driving lessons and uni, mobile contracts etc. I have 3 in that bracket.
Hopefully though you will be earning a bit more then so it is swings and roundabouts.

We find having just one at home that a "family ticket" costs only pennies more than one for 2 adults and one child, so days out and even holidays don't cost much more for 2 children than for one.

Additional costs will obviously be childcare, shoes, clubs and activities but things don't necessarily double.

I have never known anyone make the final decision not to have a second child purely on finances.

Mine are pre-teens and very expensive. They eat as much as adults, will very soon be in adult shoes and clothes, which together with school uniform, kits for various sports and other hobbies, plus all the fees for the clubs themselves cost a fortune. Two lots of holiday/wraparound childcare till they are about 12 too. Holidays - a caravan or cottage in the UK costs the same but fly anywhere and fork out for 4 seats. Admissions to theme parks, tourist attractions etc. School residentials from about age 9 up.

Yes - and it gets much higher the older they get!

Yes it costs a lot more. When they are younger it's childcare and nappies and holidays and days out. When they get older is clubs, lessons, holidays, days out, parties, as well as Birthday and Xmas etc.

Look at it another way - you will SAVE on days out/playdates/expensive gear etc as they can play with each other!

Financially my two boys haven't been too bad.

Do. Not. Underestimate. The. Fighting.

Having said all of that, I have never for one moment regretted having a second. Ours are under two years apart.

Mine are 9 and 7, the before and after school childcare costs are a lot. And obviously when they want to do clubs, music lessons etc it is twice as much.

Wouldn't change it though and I think we probably spend less on outings etc than friends with one child as they have each other to play with at home.

It is worth remembering that children don't have to do gazillion activities that cost money: it is all right to tell them that they have to limit themselves. Also that as a family you can choose outings that cost very little. A trip to the nearest beach/wood/park can be very cheap if you take your own food and drink and still be tremendous fun if you throw yourselves into it.

And by the time they are old enough to need driving lessons they are also old enough to work on Saturdays and during the holidays.

Yes it does in terms of all the extra stuff once post age 5 - clubs, parties, endless activities - but then some kids dont do any.
The upside of two is definately the sibling bond and having some one to play with all the time.
I wouldnt make the decision based on finances to be honest unless you really want a more luxurious life and the extra cost would hamper that.

Childcare is the biggest expense here. Do check your current provider is offering the 30 free hours. Most aren't as they can't afford to so di check before budgeting based on it like we did...

Reusing things - I do where I can but a lot of things are worn out

Financially, the main thing is the childcare - but you will know about that and will be able to cost it.
Obviously, as they get older you will need to buy 2 lots of school shoes instead of one, and then whatever 'luxuries' you want to treat them to - be that music lessons, ski trips, fashionable trainers, or whatever, but, like with all expenses in life you choose how you use your budget.
Don't forget though, that when they are older, you and dh will be 10 - 15 yrs older too - most likely you will have moved on in your careers etc. We are MUCH better off with teens than we were with littlies needing childcare - partly because we budget and plan and don't just give them whatever they would like, but also because nothing compares with the cost of full time childcare, but also because we are now that much further on in our careers, and therefore earning a lot more.
With a couple of years between them, you will be able to pass down / reuse expensive items and all the stuff they outgrow before outwearing.

My dc (8&6) do lots of clubs/activities after school; approx £50 each per week. So, 2 dc costs double 1dc in this regard.

arethereany's children's leisure activities cost more than our weekly food budget for 4 people; there is no way we would have been able to pay that. Yet our children have not had unhappy or deprived childhoods, and they have had an awful lot of fun together.

If you're happy to reuse baby equipment and clothes then (aside from childcare), a second child is as cheap as chips in the early years

If you both work the biggest cost is childcare. It's like paying two mortgages or a three if you have two in full time nursery at once.
I hear what people are saying about clubs, holidays, Christmas gifts etc becoming more expensive when they're older (and I agree - my eldest is at secondary) but it's like drops in the ocean compared to full time nursery fees, honestly!!! And as you stay in work and build your career, you earn more, pay off your mortgage etc do you have more for those extras anyway. For those families, I'd say young children are the most expensive. *

If you don't work then the biggest cost is salary/career sacrifice, and for a much longer period than nursery fees, as the career/earning power sacrifice for the primary carer often never recovers. But the family adjusts to having less earning power so that "expense" becomes invisible and yet the extras preferred by older children still come into play. So, for those families, older children are more "expensive".

*I admit there might be the odd few years for parents when children are young adults, which dwarf all other years in terms of expense. i.e University, driving lessons/car/insurance, weddings etc IF the parents choose to fund them.

As others have said, it is not expensive when they are little.

However when they get past around 11, it gets more and more expensive.

Clothes, phones, bus fares, food!, holidays etc etc.

Then there's university, it has cost us thousands to help them both through uni.

DD1 is getting married in a few weeks, that's the most expensive day ever.
BUT I would not be without two children. Love them birth to bits, you just have to work a bit harder to earn more money.

The most important thing is whether or not you want a second child. You'll manage financially if you do!

However, I'm now finding that paying maintenance costs with two away at university is costly! Fortunately, the mortgage costs are coming down gradually.

As others have said - don't 'not have a child' because you are worrying about the cost of driving lessons!!!
My dc have all paid for their own driving lessons (well, we gave them a voucher for 10 lessons for their 17th birthday, to be cashed in when they were able to pay for the rest themselves). University is paid for by a loan you take out and then you don't ever pay it back in a normal job (only the rich will ever do that) - you pay the equivalent of a tax during the years you are earning over £21K.
You only need offer the dc activities you can afford - some of the amounts on here are incredulous.
There is so much that is so lovely about having a (or some) sibling(s) apart from the fighting you can't "just" make a decision based on 'how much it will cost you'.

The benefits of having a second child outweigh the costs. Yes, it's more expensive, but they entertain and learn so much from each other. My sister only has one (for medical reasons. She would have loved another one or two) and I think her daughter has missed out a little by having nobody to enjoy adventures with. My sister spends so much time sorting out play dates so she spends time with people around her own age (though that's eased off as her daughter is old enough to get herself to and from friends' houses), while I've (with two kids) never thought about it too much. If you make it a purely financial decision then nobody would ever recommend even one child, let alone two, but in terms of the benefits to your kids, an provided you can afford it, then yes, I'd say it was worth it.

We had a DD then twins -

So three school shoes @£50 each
school meals x £15 a week each
Uniforms
School trips
Clothes -
Cinema
Clubs
Pertrol
Pocket money
Phones
Wifi
Gifts - Christmas and birthdays
Holidays
Now want concert tickets

Cost of a bigger home!!

All adds up

RedLemonade your post was really lovely. I've got a 2yr old and a 2 week old and it was just what I needed to read.

Thank you everyone. You've given me a lot to think about and to talk with my DH about. Wish me luck!

Good luck Care!

And [flowers} CaptainWarbeck- you're in the critical care phase right now- guilt that you don't love baby enough, guilt that you've ruined toddler's life, then guilt that you're being too loving of baby at toddler's expense, guilt at not being able to give as much time to baby as you did to toddler when she was a baby, guilt at not having enough time for toddler anymore.

But IMHE it gets SO MUCH BETTER! I can now confirm DC2 was a brilliant decision .