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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why can't I do this 😞

42 replies

NoManNeeded · 11/07/2017 18:17

Failed my second driving test yesterday. I'm so angry at myself and I feel so down about it. Just needed a vent. I've had so many lessons and my driving instructor has said on both my tests that he is sure I would pass and then I come back and I have failed miserably. I think I'm a confident driver, my instructor has said more lessons are absolutely pointless because there is nothing more he can teach me? The anxiety when I get in the car with the instructor just sets me off and then I seem to forget everything I am supposed to know. I am a single mum and driving would make my life so much easier, I turn down invitations and can't take my children to places I'd love to take them because I can't drive. It's holding me back so much. I've tried the rescue remedy and kalms tablets. All of the advised things to do, I've done.
My instructor was so shocked yesterday and he was disappointed and asked me where I go from here because more lessons are pointless? Does anybody have any advice? Has anybody else been through this and overcome it? I desperately want to do this and I'm so angry and upset with myself because I feel like a failure.

OP posts:
SpottedGingham · 11/07/2017 18:20

Sounds like you need more driving experience to get confident behind the wheel. Bit mean to say that he can't teach you any more!

gamerpigeon · 11/07/2017 18:21

Try a different instructor for a trial lesson. I switched after my first fail and the new instructor identified 4 really big things I was doing wrong which the previous instructor had never mentioned!

Original poster
NoManNeeded · 11/07/2017 18:23

I think he means that I am ok on my lessons but the test environment I can't seem to cope with. I seem to go to pieces when on my test but every other time I am fine. The nerves seem to take over

OP posts:
TheUnseenAcademic · 11/07/2017 18:23

After failing 3 times I took a break (a few months) then had a few lessons with a different instructor- one who was very stern and terrified me! I passed straightaway afterwards. Getting used to the stress of having someone I felt nervous about having in the car with me really worked for me. In any case, I'd recommend trying a different instructor.
Don't give up- you'll do it!

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 11/07/2017 18:23

Oh OP I am sorry. I passed many years ago BUT it was 3rd time lucky for me and I remember feeling just like you are.

What did you fail on each time? Any chance you are actually over confident? You need a new instructor for a start. Find a really good one because yours doesn't sound great. Keep going, you WILL get there.

EarlessToothlessVagabond · 11/07/2017 18:25

I always come on to threads like this and shout: BETA BLOCKERS!
Honestly if It's just nerves go and speak to your doctor and ask if they'll prescribe you a really small amount of beta blockers.

Therealslimshady1 · 11/07/2017 18:26

Change instructor and have a few lessons with someone else?

I failed 3-times, despite having driven abroad 10 years! The UK test is hard. What did you fail on?

The problem may be your instructor! Can you afford 5 more lessons with a different one?

GreenHillsOfHome · 11/07/2017 18:27

Could it be just as much driving with someone else in the car that's making you nervous?

Maybe some practice with a friend or Family to get used to someone other than your one instructor?

Keel · 11/07/2017 18:27

I was just like you and eventually passed after my instructor told me to request beta blockers for the anxiety. They definitely helped. Good luck. You can do it!

Original poster
NoManNeeded · 11/07/2017 18:27

Thanks for your posts guys. I just feel so down. It's a knock each time and I feel rubbish about it.
Fluffy, first test I failed with 3 minors and 1 serious, which was inappropriate speed, I wasn't going fast enough on dual. Yesterday I failed with 8 minors and 2 serious which were stupidly indicating to go straight ahead on a roundabout and a hill start :(

OP posts:
FancyPantsDelacroixTheFirst · 11/07/2017 18:28

After failing my first test through anxiety I stopped lessons, drove everywhere I could with DH in the passenger seat (including round and round the town I was taking my test in) and passed my second test five months later, still nervous, but far more able to deal with it.

Do you have your own car? If not can you pick up a cheap one and see if your friends and/or family would take it in turns being driven about?

Eggandchipsfortea93 · 11/07/2017 18:30

Rather than medication, it might be worth looking at relaxation techniques to stop you getting so nervous. You could try yoga, or a counsellor who specialises in this kind of issue - it may be useful for other situations too? Or look for a book on this, if its hard to get to those things.
I used to be a bundle of nerves in all sorts of situations, but am able to calm down using techniques I learnt.

Original poster
NoManNeeded · 11/07/2017 18:30

FancyPants, this is what I've discussed with my Dad today. I think the extra practice would do me good as I'm not having any outside of my lessons.
Thank you everybody else who's replied, I appreciate your opinions. Maybe I should get a bus pass! Blush

OP posts:
Joinourclub · 11/07/2017 18:32

Yes yes to the beta blockers. And don't be mean to yourself. The best drivers I know passed third time.

GladAllOver · 11/07/2017 18:36

It's a bit odd that your instructor says there is nothing more he can teach you.
I passed my test first time several years ago, but as far as I'm concerned I'm still learning.

JennyLane · 11/07/2017 18:43

Yes! I spent 3 years learning to drive! I was so confident with my instructor and my husband. I drove us to and from family holidays (minus the motorway) I drove us everywhere! But the moment the examiner got in I was a nervous wreck because there was so much riding on it - at the time I was having to get up at 5am to take two buses and two trains to get me to a placement. It took be 4.5 hours each way and would have taken an hour in a car!

I finally passed on my third attempt. I was nervous but explained it to the examiner how anxious I was. He let me pull over at one point because my hands were shaking!

All I can suggest is persevere. I drove to work the day after passing my test and am a really confident and competent driver. Just don't ask me to parallel park

Original poster
NoManNeeded · 11/07/2017 19:04

You sound like me Jenny, although I haven't had a lot of private practice but I feel like I'm a good driver. In test conditions though I just seem to flake and let myself down so badly. It's not even that the examiners have been awful either apart from the total silence for 40 minutes which makes me feel even worse. I wish they would just chat to me even a little bit as it would make me feel better

OP posts:
viques · 11/07/2017 19:04

One thing I did was go on a few long trips as a driver( obviously with a qualified driver) , somehow that made me feel like a driver, and made me have that extra bit of confidence.

ParadiseCity · 11/07/2017 19:07

I passed fifth time with beta blockers. I could drive fine just couldn't stand being tested and my legs would shake.

So I'm also shouting
BETA BLOCKERS

Good luck for next time Flowers

BertAndKhloe · 11/07/2017 19:07

I passed 6th time Blush. That should make you feel a little bit better OP.

SummerKelly · 11/07/2017 19:12

Took me three goes. I had the same examiner for my first and third/final test and we had chatted so I remembered and asked him some questions about his family, I tell myself that's what swung it. I'm a confident driver now so I don't think the number of times to pass has been significant for me in terms of longer term ability. I remember crying with frustration after my second though.

Bleepinghell11 · 11/07/2017 19:13

Hi OP, sorry you are disappointed about the test - but you WILL get there!! I passed on my 6th go (I know) I had plenty of lessons (spanning over 3 years!) and could do all my manoeuvres and never had a problem during lessons or driving with a passenger in a car privately. As soon as I would get to the test centre I just got uncontrollable shakes and did silly mistakes that I never made before :s very annoying but don't give up! Just keep trying. I passed over 5 years ago and never had an accident etc so even if it takes more than a couple of tests it doesn't mean you will be a bad driver. I would say I wish I didn't stop trying between tests, I left it a couple of months between and I think I should of stuck with it and carried on with the instructor and going out privately. Good luck!

Gazelda · 11/07/2017 19:15

I passed 6th time. I built every test up in my mind - it was CRUCIAL that I passed. I put too much pressure on myself.
I passed 6th time, the day after 9/11. I was so shocked at the previous day's events that I figured that my little driving test wasn't important in the grand scheme of things. The change in attitude relaxed me and I passed.
I'd suggest changing instructor though - can't help to get someone else's perspective. And take every opportunity to practice, in all situations. E.g. Night driving, country lanes, rush hour etc.

IrritatedUser1960 · 11/07/2017 19:15

Only two? I took my car test twice and motorbike 3 times before passing, my sister took hers 10 times then gave up Grin
Keep going you'll get there eventually. I took beta blockers for my final tests and it stopped the adrenalin rush/panic of the test and I passed.

Lottie2017 · 11/07/2017 19:16

Hi, please don't give up. It took me a very long time and 5 tests (!) as I kept failing with terrible nerves, but I got there in the end after taking up lessons in an automatic. I never thought I would get there, but I did and it's made such a difference to my life. I am sure you will get there in the end too. Practising every day in my own car and switching to an automatic really helped me.