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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be furious for being called out for menstruating at work?

559 replies

Snuffalo · 11/07/2017 15:04

Having horrible menstrual cramps, naproxen isn’t touching it, and I remember I have a hot water bottle in my desk drawer - I used it all winter in my freezing office, and a few other people, male and female, have one as well - we have a rule against personal space heaters so it can be nice to have under your desk next to your feet.

Anyway. I fill the hot water bottle, nestle it in my lap, and I’m back to work. My sort-of-supervisor* we’ll call Guy comes over to talk to me about something, notices the hot water bottle, says “there’s no way you’re cold today, are you?” I say “um, no, just for the pain relief”. He looks confused and then literally horrified and then he walks away.

Less than ten minutes later, I get a Slack message from one of the HR admins (HR is based in another office a few hours away) to say “Guy says you’re not well and should go home, everything OK?”

I say “I’m fine, this is sort of weird, he just looked a bit shocked that I had a hot water bottle, I’ve got cramps, you know how it is.”

She goes silent and then offline completely, ten more minutes later, the HR Director calls me and asks me if I can find a meeting room, which I do. She then tells me that I shouldn’t disclose my medical problems to anyone who isn’t part of HR as it can make them uncomfortable. I’m literally shocked, I explain exactly what happened, she says “yes I understand, if you’re so unwell you need a hot water bottle you should be home, Guy is extremely uncomfortable and it’s unprofessional”. I say “this is weird, ok, anything else”? She’s quite breezy and professional - “No, that’s all, if you’re feeling better that’s great but if you need to, please do go home, OK bye!"

I’m just completely flabbergasted. Especially considering that Guy has been known to take meetings with clients whilst laying flat on the floor on his back because of back problems - which seems to me both unprofessional and likely to make people uncomfortable, not that I really cared personally. I wouldn’t have had my hot water bottle in a client meeting or even if clients were in the office.

Other people have standing desks, weird foot rests, all kinds of chairs and special backrests for their back pain and wrist braces for their wrist pain and a hundred other things and I’m not allowed to have a hot water bottle for my menstrual cramps? Am I right to be completely fucking furious?

*I normally have no problem with Guy, we don’t work closely, no one else does what I do at work but he comes closest and he does my nominal (and always positive) performance reviews and signs off on my holiday.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
user1493059174 · 12/07/2017 22:26

Christ on a bike - how old is Guy - 6?
TipTop - love your post! Can imagine that is just how it was! What a dick!
Hope you feel better soon and don't have to upset Guy again tomorrow with your hot water bottle!

IloveBanff · 12/07/2017 22:37

Painfull periods are dysmenorrhea.

nakedscientist · 12/07/2017 22:43

wellthis oh my actual G, people ARE bonkers aren't they?
OP 's HR are crackpots
At least my HR are just always on holiday or mildly ineffectual!

user1493059174 · 12/07/2017 22:43

Sorry, second post, I am really incensed by this.
Wish there was some way we could give Guy a period!!!!

Jux · 12/07/2017 22:43

It's HR who should be called out over this, truly appalling. This sort of thing was unacceptable 30 years ago.

kastiekastie · 12/07/2017 22:57

'kin hell!! normally I try and see both sides of the story but shit, is Guy on work placement from the 1970s?? I think, if you wanted to make him cringe further, you probably have the makings of a court case. Only if you want to use your lady area for comedy purposes of course!

kastiekastie · 12/07/2017 22:58

ps I love it, yes let's give Guy a period of his very own - man, I wish we could do this to man boys sometimes!

Budda72 · 12/07/2017 23:00

As a male I don't know what it feels like to have period pains, as a father of a teenage daughter I understand that it hurts as she tells me. I don't see what's wrong in using a hot water bottle to easy it, usually people take more tablets. Imho guy was a dick for reporting to her, he were bigger dicks for making the call and even bigger dicks for having the meeting. If it was me (and this is where I'm glad I'm male lol ) I'd take it as far as I could not just here but press and everywhere I could and see how much they like it discussed. what a sad guy must be

Budda72 · 12/07/2017 23:02

Hr not her

mickael28 · 12/07/2017 23:03

Ignoring the concern that the comments of Guy and HR were stupid, wouldn't you just get paid anyway if you go home?

I would have not hesitated to just go home for a short break and come back when I feel better, and repeat monthly until they reconsider and see that their comments were stupid enough... or keep some extra days off until the luck lasts.

What was not a good idea about going home and getting paid for it?

monstiebags · 12/07/2017 23:23

This sounds like guy might not be british?
Anyway, try telling your doctor you have knee pain and get hold of some NSAID s take them a week before and you'll be fine
Everyone else in the world knows this except the NHS

Isadorabubble · 12/07/2017 23:57

On a different note: have you tried acupuncture for your cramps? I used to get them too and it was like a miracle!

Isadorabubble · 12/07/2017 23:58

And meant to say, I'm not surprised you are furious, sounds like a bit of an over reaction to put it mildly!

iismum · 13/07/2017 04:50

I would have not hesitated to just go home for a short break and come back when I feel better, and repeat monthly until they reconsider and see that their comments were stupid enough

But it's seriously detrimental to women if they have to take several days off each month when they don't really need to. I don't know what OP does, but in many jobs not being able to keep up with your work means you achieve less - you miss clients, you don't get reports done so quickly, etc., etc. If you are genuinely ill then this is unavoidable, but expecting women to take time off work when they are managing their pain perfectly well is not in their interests at all.

Budda72 · 13/07/2017 05:16

www.theguardian.com/global-development/2015/dec/22/india-menstruation-periods-gaokor-women-isolated I wonder if guy wants one of these huts built for you!!!

rackelle · 13/07/2017 05:39

As a HR professional I am mortified that anyone in your HR team would ring to say anything let alone your HRD! Guy is a bellend and your HR team are worse.

Adnerb95 · 13/07/2017 06:04

bmh54

What a ridiculous comment. How did OP "bore her colleagues" by briefly answering - without detail - a question?

Also, as she has said, she was perfectly fit for work. Or is anybody using any kind of pain relief - headache, toothache - or medication - hay fever, antacid - sent home from work?

You're not the HRD are you?

Dianag111 · 13/07/2017 07:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Suzieq323681 · 13/07/2017 07:46

HR did behave appallingly. You are not asking for accommodation for a disability. Last time I looked it up, menstruating was not an illness, or a medical problem. It is normal physiology. As for guy...has he just come out of a monastery? HR are taking political correctness too far... suggesting you now need to pretend that you don't have periods? Personally I think it smacks of discrimination.

user1481824520 · 13/07/2017 07:59

Grannytomine: literally the 1st line of the OP is "Having horrible menstrual cramps..."

Way to try to draw the focus away from the key point, however! It's utterly irrelevant what's causing the pain, it's the employee's right to disclose any medical condition or not as they choose, it's the employer who must not, and must not use it to make the EE feel uncomfortable or as a reason to treat them differently,
The fact that it was in fact period pains in this case means this can be classed as discrimination i.e. Treating someone differently on the basis of their sex, religion, race etc

Deidre21 · 13/07/2017 08:15

What idiots!

Topseyt · 13/07/2017 08:23

Sorry Granny, but literally the third word of the OP is "menstrual". Menstrual cramps. Crystal clear that it is to do with periods.

Skylander01 · 13/07/2017 08:54

It's like the old days when women were banished to the forest until it was over! Ridiculous!

grannytomine · 13/07/2017 09:19

user1481824520 you know it was menstrual cramps, the OP knows, I know and most of MN knows. Did Guy know? Did HR know? All she told them was it was cramps. Men get stomach cramps, babies get stomach cramps. How is saying someone (male or female) with stomach cramps should go home sex discrimination? If she told them is was menstrual it would be different, if she knows men with cramps and a hot water bottle aren't asked if they need to go home it would be different. The fact that HR saw about a medical problem would seem to suggest they didn't know it was a menstrual problem because that isn't medical.

It seems barmy to make so much fuss about stomach cramps but I don't see it as sex discrimination if they didn't know it was a type of cramp that only women get.

monkeysaymonkeydo · 13/07/2017 09:26

I work in HR and I am embarrassed at this reaction by my fellow professionals! Not the way to deal with what isn't even a problem.