to tell a child to not do something

[cjt110]

At a petting zoo/park type affair at the weekend. Notice a small child approx 5 years old quite upset being comforted by his parents. Hear Mum say that her son is scared of another, older child, who has his face painted like a monster/skeleton - approx 7 years old. Witness older skeleton child purposely seek out younger child twice. Younger child is upset and scared and runs for comfort from parents. Parents then leave the particular area.

Small child approx 3 years old, happily playing in area is then near skeleton child who makes scary monster like gutteral sounds and roars, loudly, at small child. Small child, who doesnt scare easily bursts into tears. Parent then goes to console small child and says to skeleton child "Well that wasn't very nice now was it" in a cross manner to skeleton child. Skeleton child replies "Well it's only paint" Parent then replies "And he's only a small child and you've scared him" and walks off comforting small child. Skeleton child's mother then moves across area and stands near skeleton child for a minutes after witnessing the above.

Was the second parent of small approx age 3 child out of order?

No I don't think the parent was wrong to say what they did.

No, of course not. 7 year olds don't have much empathy and often need telling about this stuff. But the mother of skeleton child doesn't seem to have suggested the three year olds' mother did anything wrong.

Old's

No she wasn't! The child going around scaring others should have been deterred from doing so by his parents!!

My DD is scared of masks and face paint and anyone dressed up, Halloween is a terrible time for her. She doesn't go to school on any kind of dress up days. It's a real phobia.
She's had experiences like this where kids have frightened her on purpose and I have told them off for it.

Did Skeleton's mother have a go at you?

The mother of the younger child WNBU

No Flogging but I keep thinking was I out of order for telling this kid. Had I not seen him doing it to the other child I'd likely have brushed it off I suppose but it got me quite cross. I was very stern when I spoke to the child and it would have been apparent I wasn't happy.

I dont have many kids in my life so I never know what the boundaries are in those kind of situations.

Not out of order at all.

The parent of skeleton child is an idiot not to realise what was going on.

Nope, you were totally in the right to tell the child to stop intentionally scaring others.

The parent of skeleton child is an idiot not to realise what was going on. She was sat at a picnic bench perhaps halfway from the boy, nattering away to her friend. Blissfully unaware I think.

There's a difference right in if a child was just scared of that kid, and that kid actually seeking out kids to scare?

You weren't out of order at all. His mum should have told him herself, instead of rushing to his side after someone else called him on it.

That's deliberately winding up, DS2 did that up until a few months ago, he's 5.11. An NT 7yo should know better. YANBU.

Thank you. She stood there or a good few minutes with him. I assume she must have told him off because when we walked past to lave the area the boy said "I'm sorry for scaring him"

Nope.

You weren't out of order IMO, I'd have done the same. Good job!

Not a big deal at all, I'd do it without a second thought. It's nice that he apologised though. :)

I think you were quite right to tell him off - I'd have been quite sharp about it, it's a mean thing to do but kids that age aren't always very empathetic and sometimes need a curt but not shouty reminder to behave.

I can't pinpoint when so many people became worried about simply telling a child their behaviour is not nice, when it isn't

Also, why would you have 'brushed off' him doing this to your child if you hadn't seen him doing it previously to someone else?

You need to set an example to your own child about how to deal with these situations, and brushing something off rather than having a quick and sensible word (as you did) would not have been a good example at all.

I think it just rattled me a little more having seen what he did previously. If he had only done what he did to my child I would likely have just swept DS up and not said a word. I'm always worried about telling other people's kids because of confrontation that sometimes I dont. And I was cross so I wasnt sure if I had acted out wrongly.

No NBU to tell the other child.

I'm sure some will come along and say "no one has a right to tell another child off", but likewise no child has the right to go around scaring other children. Especially as the other child was seeking out kids to scare.

I often challenge other children when their parents don't. Usually at soft play. My 4 year old likes me to go around with him (we go on weekdays when it is quieter) and I supervise my 2 year old. The other day I saw a child kicking another down a slide and laughing as she cried. I told them to stop. I also sternly asked a child not to push my 2 year old down the (small) slide just because he wanted to go next.

You were right, but it sounds like the skeleton's mum did an ok job of controlling him (and apologising) once she'd realised what he'd done. My kids are 8 and 10, I wouldn't be watching them very closely in that sort of environment and I'd really hope that someone would tell them off if they were being antisocial and I hadn't noticed.

Well I think you would have been wrong to have just swept your child up.

Part of our job as parents is to teach our children how to act in these situations, and your reaction was perfectly calm, reasonable and normal. In other words, a good example.