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To expect the unemployed party in a relationship to take on the bulk of the household chores?

38 replies

PlayOnWurtz · 10/07/2017 15:49

Just wondering what the general consensus was and whether it's different if it's the man or woman at home.

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 10/07/2017 15:51

No difference, obviously, whether it's a man or woman.

More detail needed, eg children?, other party working 80 hours a week ooh?, unemployed person spending all day job hunting? Etc etc


KeiraKnightleyActsWithHerTeeth · 10/07/2017 15:51

Unemployed and without medical issues or studying, yes ideally.

Some people consider SAHP to be unemployed and therefore should pick up the bulk of the housework. I don't.


DJBaggySmalls · 10/07/2017 15:54

Sex is irrelevant, but if they are looking after children (and actually doing it) then they dont have so much time to do chores as well.


BitchQueen90 · 10/07/2017 15:54

Totally depends on circumstances and the reasons for being unemployed.


Saiman · 10/07/2017 15:55

Sex is irrelevant both other details are.

Such as how many kids, what are the kids ages, how many hours are tgey soending job hunting etc


GinAndGooseberry · 10/07/2017 15:58

Most of them but if the children are really small the ''unemployed'' one works harder in my personal experience....... Sad

If the one who earns money comes home from a nice day at the office and has higher standards wrt housework then that party ought to do it themself rather than comment on it.


Troels · 10/07/2017 16:00

I work Dh is SAHP one child in school.
He does it all on days I work and I chip in on my days off.
When he worked and I was the SAHP I did it all when he was at work and he chipped in on his days off.
Works well for us.


giantpurplepeopleeater · 10/07/2017 16:01

Sex is definitely irrelevant.

Not sure 'expect' is the right word though. You shouldn't really end up in a situation where it is forces on someone or where that other person is put upon. Better to talk and agree how things are divided.

But yes, I would expect the unemployed person to be keeping on top of household chores during the day. That's not to say, however, that the enployed peraon ahouls so nothing. It depends on whether childcare is involves and how much housework/ chores there is to do! Everyone needs down time


BarbaraofSeville · 10/07/2017 16:28

Not all jobs are a 'nice day at the office'.

Unless the SAHP is occupied with multiple high needs children, you would expect them to be able to manage something in the realm of housework during the day.

Obviously the employed person shouldn't be treating them like a housekeeper and pitch in when not at work, but they shouldn't be doing the bulk at home as well as going out to work.


MrsTerryPratchett · 10/07/2017 16:31

Unemployed or SAHP?


corythatwas · 10/07/2017 16:37

By "unemployed" do we mean job-seeking or SAHP? When dd was looking for work it was pretty much a fulltime occupation and she wasn't even claiming jobseekers.


Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 10/07/2017 16:45

I am going to assume you actually mean unemployed rather than a SAHP of young children

Yes i would expect the unemployed parent to do more housework to a pre agreed discussed and agreed rather than ordered


Soslowmo · 10/07/2017 16:48

Unemployed parent should take on the bulk of the housework.


Soslowmo · 10/07/2017 16:49

Sorry - not sure if it is an unemployed parent - either way, should be able to take on most of the housework.


BishopBrennansArse · 10/07/2017 16:49

Dependent on age of any children. A SAHP to preschoolers is working also so chores should be divided equally. Plus factors such as disability.


OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 10/07/2017 16:56

I work, DH is SAHD (DD is 3).

DH does the majority of the housework and anything that is timed (putting the bins out etc) as I don't work to a 9-5 pattern. I do most of the clothes washing when I can, but DH is happy to take over if I'm tired. DH does the daily clean etc, I like to do the "big" jobs - cleaning out cupboards, cleaning the bath and the shower surround etc.

DH changes beds because I'm bloody useless at it and he always finds me wrapped up in a coccoon of duvet and duvet cover, usually crying Wink Grin

If he was working and I was SAHP, I'd take on the bulk of the housework (and did, when our roles were reversed).


justkeepswimmingg · 10/07/2017 17:02

I'm a SAHM with a 2 yo, and also pregnant. My DH works a minimum of 50+ hours a week, most of the time. I do all the housework, except he puts the bins out and maintains the garden. He will be doing less hours (one week off, and half usual hours for two weeks) when baby arrives, and has already committed to splitting housework and childcare.
What works for some, doesn't work for others though.


HurtleTheTurtle · 10/07/2017 17:11

Doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman. The expectation would be two-three solid hours of job hunting, applications and personal development per day, and 5 hours of housework / home organisation.


RB68 · 10/07/2017 17:11

If there are no kids or kids in school they should be doing half day job hunting (ie 4 hrs) then rest of day house related stuff so maybe an hr before kids get in on stuff can't do when there, collect kids, feed them a snack, prep tea while doing homework, prep tea for working partner but working partner clears up after tea while other sorts kids ready for bed story time together after that free time


TheLuminaries · 10/07/2017 17:12

DH is a teacher & in the looong school hols he does most of the housework, meal planning & prep plus DIY projects. Our children are teens, when they were littler he wouldn't probably manage the DIY but certainly the bulk of the house stuff.


SilveryFlowers · 10/07/2017 17:12

I think that is one person is 'unemployed' or a SAHP that should not mean it gives the other person a free pass out of sharing any parenting or household chores at all. Otherwise the 'unemployed' person is working way way way more than their fair share, way more than 'full time' hours and is getting a very bad deal.

And is often partnered with someone who does not understand or appreciate how their own lives are being smoothed and softened, nor how debilitating and relentless parenting and household work can be.


user1476869312 · 10/07/2017 17:13

Absolutely depends on the circumstances - are there small DC who need to be taken care of (or anyone else in the household who needs additional care eg elderly relative or older child with SN)? Is the unemployed person job-hunting?

In general, the way to make the division of household tasks fair is that all the adults in the house get the same amount of leisure time - just because one is in paid employment for a certain number of hours does not mean that the other is on domestic/childcare duty 24/7.


Dawnedlightly · 10/07/2017 17:15

Unemployed and sahp are not synonyms!


BishopBrennansArse · 10/07/2017 17:19

Unemployed and carer aren't either. So based on the OP who is probably a journo fishing for a crappy article an answer can't really be given.


mumonashoestring · 10/07/2017 17:23

I think there's a difference between an agreed situation where one partner has stepped out of employment as SAHP (as DH has) and someone who is unexpectedly unemployed and is both dealing with the emotional fallout from that and actively job hunting, which is pretty much a full time job in itself. Fine to expect them to be able to do an additional load of laundry or maybe cook dinner but they're not going to stand much chance of getting interviews if they're worrying about housework first and jobs second.

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