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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel hurt about the entitled-ness of this woman?

44 replies

Ironfloor · 10/07/2017 09:46

I made a cake for DD's birthday party the other day and posted a photo of it on FB. An acquaintance who saw this asked whether I take orders and that her son would love a similar cake. I said that I don't take orders and that I would make it for free as a birthday present to him (he and my DD play together). She then told me the date of the party and said that he's so pleased that I'm making this cake for him and could I make a chocolate cake with chcolate frosting?! All this without a word of 'thank you'.

AIBU to feel hurt that she hasn't thanked me for offering to do it for free and sort of dictated the type of cake she wants?

OP posts:
thereallochnessmonster · 10/07/2017 09:52

Well, perhaps you opened yourself up to it by offering to make a ccake for an 'acquaintance'.

I don't think she's unreasonable to ask for the kind of cake her dc would prefer.

She is unreasonable not to be grateful and say thank you.

What's she like? Is she a nice person?

You need to be straight with her: 'I can do xxx shape of cake and it will serve x people. I'll lleave it to you to buy candles/decotrations for the top. Let me know when you'd like to collect it.'

Bluntness100 · 10/07/2017 09:53

I'd say she's maybe a bit thoughtless in her phrasing, saying her son was so pleased is for me amounting to the same thing and I'm sure uoull get lots of thanks once you've done it.

Are you fairly sensitive normally? To be hurt is quite the over reaction.

YouHaveBeenSummarilyDismissed · 10/07/2017 09:54

That's a weird one. You did offer and when you offer to do something for free, people can take advantage. Some people are just the type to think everyone owes them and they forget to say thanks or whatever.

But there is still time for her to redeem herself - I once stupidly forgot to thank someone for something similarly kind they did for me so I bought wine and wrote a card explaining how embarrassed I was that I'd forgotten to express my thanks.

Don't offer again to this person is they are an entity twat - some people will just ale and take without thinking twice about it.

SumThucker · 10/07/2017 09:54

Eek, you did tell her you'd do one for her. I'm think to be hurt is a little strong.

YouHaveBeenSummarilyDismissed · 10/07/2017 09:55

*entitled twat

Somerville · 10/07/2017 09:56

She said he was pleased - I agree with Bluntness - that amounts to a thank you. And if she knows he really loves chocolate and wants a chocolate cake then I can see her telling you.

If you've got second thoughts because of the chocolate then pull out now - say it'll be too tricky, and you don't want to disappoint him. Or of doing it in chocolate is more expensive then tell her that and ask for the ingredients/cost of them to be dropped in.

runsmidgeOMG · 10/07/2017 09:57

I agree with the PP who said awkward phrasing. Written text can easily be misconstrued. If she takes it off you without acknowledging your presence and slams the door in your face THEN be hurt.

Mumofone1970 · 10/07/2017 09:59

Some people just come across a tad cold which can seem rude but unless she's usually a very expressive person she probably feels saying her son is so pleased you're doing it for him was thanks enough

BayLeaves · 10/07/2017 10:01

If you look at it from her point of view it goes like this:

  1. I need a cake for my son's birthday and he loves chocolate cake
  2. Wow, OP makes amazing cakes! I wonder if she takes orders... I'm willing to pay for what I want.
  3. She offered to make it for free!
  4. Hang on, she won't make a chocolate one.
  5. Now I can't even go and pay someone else to make me a chocolate one because it seems ungrateful.
MrsJayy · 10/07/2017 10:01

She said her son was so pleased you offered to make it she asked you if you could make x with y Im not sure what she did wrong she asked you offered her son is pleased im sure she will thank you once it is made.

deffoncforthis · 10/07/2017 10:02

You've offered to do it, I expect you will be thanked when it gets made?

YABU and being a bit oversensitive.

FreeWeezy · 10/07/2017 10:02

I don't think you offered it 'for free' though. You offered it as a birthday present. You don't normally ask for money for birthday presents.
And I don't think there's anything wrong with asking for the type of cake her son wants either. I'm sure she'll thank you when the cake is done.

MrsJayy · 10/07/2017 10:04

And if she is on here she might read this and be mortified.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 10/07/2017 10:04

I know exactly what you mean OP. It's just something about the tone of people when they're asking for something - it's like they don't get that you have to be polite and say please and thank you when you ask for something. whether you're paying for it or not is irrelevant - you want something, you ask nicely.

Elephant17 · 10/07/2017 10:08

Agree she intended thanks without actually using the word. She should have, but I probably wouldn't have even noticed, if I were you! She is obviously delighted you're making it. Take the flattery- you're obviously a good cake maker!

I don't really get how any of it amounts to 'entitled-ness' though... she asked if you took orders and was willing to pay, you said you'd make it for free... she showed appreciation but not with the exact words 'thank you'.

If she'd sent you an email demanding that you make her child a cake for free- THAT would have been entitled.

MrsJayy · 10/07/2017 10:09

I think her reply sounds grateful you dòn't need to be gushy withthe thank yous to be grateful the op has put conditions on her offer birthday cakes are personal and if she offered to make one for the boys birthday why not say chocolate with chocolate

ShizeItsWeegie · 10/07/2017 10:12

Surely you're a bit premature here OP. When she turns up she may thak you profusely and offer you £30 which she won't take no for an answer for and you will have done a nice thing and been thanked for it - situation normal surely?

Joinourclub · 10/07/2017 10:12

Some people aren't very good at actually using the words please and thank you, but imply them in their phasing and tone. She seems enthusiastic /pleased / grateful so it amounts to the same thing afaic. I think people can say thank you but still come across as rude depending on their tone and phrasing!

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 10/07/2017 10:14

"Some people aren't very good at actually using the words please and thank you"

Who dragged them up then?

livefornaps · 10/07/2017 10:15

"Entitled" sure is a buzz word around these parts. It seems like people can barely clear their throats these days without someone yelling "ENTITLED!!" about them hogging oxygen supplies...!

I think you're just having a knee-jerk reaction to your offer being met with anything other than endless gushing thanks.

Isn't it better that she's told you the cake that her son actually wants & that will go down well?

Remember she did offer to place an order, in which case she would have asked for chocolate.

Don't give out favours willy-nilly if you're just going to resent your mates afterwards... No one likes a doormat who plays the martyr.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 10/07/2017 10:19

Get her involved in the making of the cake.

Send her a message saying something like chocolate frosting no problem, you ok to get the ingredients for the cake - I will need x,y,z.

That way it becomes more of a favour between friends rather than a weird hybrid of an order and a favour.

NellieFiveBellies · 10/07/2017 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DecoRules · 10/07/2017 10:22

YABU and a bit precious.

Original poster
Ironfloor · 10/07/2017 10:23

Thanks, it's good to know that I was being over-sensitive. It's just that I'm a massive pushover and feel like being taken advantage of all the time. It's my issue, I know.

She is a nice person actually. Quite helpful and friendly.

I agree, 'entitled' is the wrong choice if word.

OP posts:
PodgeBod · 10/07/2017 10:25

I think you're being prickly. If you had agreed to make if for a fee, she would have been able to specify that she wants chocolate but since you kindly offered, she's caught between disappointing the birthday boy and having to put conditions on a favour.
If she doesn't say thank you when you hand the cake over, then you can be offended.