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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If somebody who is super popular

31 replies

footballismypassion · 09/07/2017 17:29

at least on Facebook but probably in rl too, who knows everyone and who is known by everyone, who is the soul of every party and super sociable...... doesn't seem to like you or even seems to really detest you, and you haven't exchanged more than a dozen words with this person...... what is it that makes them dislike you so strongly?

This person has gone out of her way to show that she won't speak to me, say hi when we bump into each other, and freeze me out when I happen to be talking to the same group as her whilst being super chatty with everyone else. Odd isn't it?

OP posts:

Whichwayyisup · 09/07/2017 17:33

Yes it is odd.

How do you know her?

StupidSlimyGit · 09/07/2017 17:35

She is probably an incredibly insecure person who feels threatened by you in one way or another.
Continue being yourself and try to take it as a compliment.

vikingprincess81 · 09/07/2017 17:36

I like ignoring people like that they're not used to it and can't figure out why you don't like them. Plus it means you can't be frozen out in conversation. Focus on the people who treat you with love and respect - make an effort with them

Timefortea99 · 09/07/2017 17:38

Sometimes it just happens, people take a dislike to people for odd reasons. You might remind them of someone else they dislike, or they might be jealous about something, or repelled by something you do or have done. I am sure you are very nice. You cannot be liked by everyone, so just chalk it down to experience. Certainly do not try and win her round.

Boredboredboredboredbored · 09/07/2017 17:38

Jealous or sees you as a threat?

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 09/07/2017 17:39

Not sure, but social media in general is just an image, not reality.

sonjadog · 09/07/2017 17:40

It probably isn't anything to do with you, tbh. She feels that she needs to behave in this way to feel good about herself. I wouldn't waste headspace wondering why. Just do your thing and let her play her game on her own.

PearlyPinkNails · 09/07/2017 17:40

Weird. Have you ever spoken?

JeReviens · 09/07/2017 17:42

Absolutely what viking said. Give her some back and stick to it. She won't know what to make of that and the fact that, ostensibly at least, you're not in the slightest bothered by her tactics will blow her tiny mind!
She's obviously seen something in you that threatens her and as a PP said - take that as a compliment!

TrueLove83 · 09/07/2017 17:43

You're a threat. You're best just engaging when necessary and then just as and when. Don't go out of your way to avoid and be pleasant.

Be the bigger person. There is a mum at school like this - think she has a few issues going on not sure what but I think it's around giving up her career and becoming a SAHM - now unable to return and has too much time on her hands - therefore gets involved in everything and gets upset over really random stuff.

Overall she is of course not a bad person - just loads of her own stuff going on - but it spills into this sort of behaviour and it's really hard to handle for quite a few of us.

Don't worry - you get on with your thing and let her do her thang!

Notmyrealname85 · 09/07/2017 17:47

Seconding the threat theory. If you're quite chilled then maybe she doesn't like that her charms didn't immediately work on you?

As much as she churns out happy images on social media, she's likely working twice as hard to make them. Maybe she realises you're naturally quite happy? These people tend to be securely pretty neurotic

CosmoClock · 09/07/2017 17:55

I know a woman like that. She was cool to me and warm to our mutual acquaintances. I ''gave her some back'' as a pp said but now it's uncomfortable and it turns out that she's really close to somebody I'm really close to. It is 'on her' mind you. But still, awkward.

Original poster

footballismypassion · 09/07/2017 17:58

"Weird. Have you ever spoken?"

Not really. See each during daily school run for the last 6 years or so. I tried to say hi to her nicely and chat whilst waiting and she turned away giving me extremely hostile vibes. I had not ever seen her before that and it was clear that whilst being very nice to all other mums, she would blatantly freeze me out. I am generally friendly with most people and had not ever experienced this sort of implied hostility before.

I doubt she is jealous, i am not that good looking after having dc neither am i popular or anything, just an ordinary mum of three boys.

I do ignore her mostly now but have felt silently bullied all these years . I have a couple of friends on the school but felt people who know her are off with me too.

OP posts:

Original poster

footballismypassion · 09/07/2017 18:06

"Maybe she realises you're naturally quite happy?"

I used to be like this despite having lots of issues in my own life. What I mean is that despite experiencing infertility at various stages (lucky to have 3 dc but went through years of trying for number one and had a couple of miscarriages subsequently; lost my job during all of this..) Despite all this I used to be kind and relaxed with people. Her freezing me out has had an impact on my ability to befriend other mums at dc's school. I have since developed social anxiety. Crazy isn't it?

OP posts:

MargotLovedTom1 · 09/07/2017 18:09

Maybe there have been low level issues between your children of which you've not been aware.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 09/07/2017 18:21

It could be lots of reasons - she could have mixed you up with someone else or been told you did something terrible.

It could be you remind her of someone she hates.

It could be she's fallen out with someone you are known to be close too.

It could be she overheard you expressing an opinion she strongly disagrees with. (Have you said anything in the slightest bit compliementary about a Tory?)

It could be you've accidentally slighted her some way.

Lots of reasons. Continue to be lovely, if anyone else starts getting grumpy with you, then it could be there's a false rumour doing the rounds.

Original poster

footballismypassion · 09/07/2017 18:31

Maybe there have been low level issues between your children of which you've not been aware.

There are three classes per year and my dc likes her dc though they are in different classes. It could of course be something like that but must have been mirror as dc is friendly albeit a tad hyperactive at times. Ds is quite sporty but again nothing out of the ordinary. She does tend to post a lot of slightly braggy posts about her life on FB so she defiantly is aspirational but how come she gets on with the whole world bar myself?

Definitely not a Tory though not in the habit of talking politics with people I don't know well! It must be that I said something that she heard about from someone else (seeing I never really had a real chat with her) that she misconstrued or something. But how horrible is that that someone can so strongly reject you and negatively impact your ability to make friends with other people.

"It could be you've accidentally slighted her some way."
Yes probably something like that. Of course I don't like her much after all of this. Well all of this being frozen out as there was no other contact.

OP posts:

Madwoman5 · 09/07/2017 18:32

You could have breathed in her direction
You could have worn a red skirt
You could have everything she wants (even though you think you don't)
You may not be drawn into her clique and therefore, un-mouldable
You could have been the subject of some unfair or incorrect gossip that she was stupid enough to believe

Happen all the time round here, don't let it worry you. Be your own person and don't give it the head space.

16middlenames · 09/07/2017 18:33

Maybe she doesn't like football

Twodogsandahooch · 09/07/2017 18:37

She might just be caught up in her own world and not have noticed you. I wouldn't read too much into it.

Original poster

footballismypassion · 09/07/2017 18:42

"Maybe she doesn't like football"
haha! That made me laugh This is a slightly ironic nn due to all ds plus dh being football mad.

"Happen all the time round here, don't let it worry you. Be your own person and don't give it the head space."
i know i ought to know this myself but being reminded of this is helpful!

OP posts:

InvisibleKittenAttack · 09/07/2017 18:48

It could be she just overheard you talking politics about something she strongly disagrees with you then.

iwannapuppy · 09/07/2017 18:57

I've met someone like this before and being a bitch to a few people is what makes her popular. It means that other weaker 'friends' see what a cold cow bag she can be and don't want to be on the receiving end so they try harder to suck up to her making her look even more important and giving her even more reason to act like a bitch. So do the sweat it, it not you, it's her being a self important twat with issues.

CommonSenseIsNotAllThatCommon · 09/07/2017 19:04

Sometimes two people don't gel well. It happens. Some people just don't know how to cover it up. It may be nothing to do with jealousy or threatened or being a bitch () .

imjessie · 09/07/2017 19:14

I know someone like this , we were friends , nothing happened but she decided we weren't going to be anymore 🙄.. she is like a virus and is friends with everyone but seems to hate me .. she is definitely not jealous of me,( she is very keen on herself ) so I have no idea what her problem is . Sadly we live in close proximity so I get to be left out of everything right under my nose 😞

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