To spend every waking moment worrying that my Son has a lack of stimulation and company

[lonelyinthenorth]

I have ended up in the North of England. My Son's family live about a 40 minute drive and his dad has his two nights a fortnight. My parents live several hours away.

At the moment I don't work and my Son goes to nursery for 15 hours a week.

In September he's going to school and I will be working full time.

Our lifestyle at the moment is soul destroying and I'm going absolutely insane.

I spend all my time with my Son. The only peace I get is when he's asleep. He looks for attention all day and is so lonely I feel terrible.

I take him somewhere every day like the park, soft play etc but this only last a few hours so apart from school he is with only me.

I have PND (still waiting for any kind of support). I was given a 6 weeks course of counselling which did very little and was forgotten about.

To be honest I don't actually think I have PND anymore. I think I'm just soul destroyingly lonely and that in turn makes me feel down. Because I'm down I can't interact with my Son well and that means he misses out.

I don't find him much company but I do love him.

I wish I just had someone to help day to day, a friend with a child who could pop over. I have never struggled to make friends before but I haven't met any here despite going to lots of clubs.

There's very little around here since the Children's Centre closed.

We live far from amenities so it's not like we can pop to a cafe. We have a long walk to get anywhere and my son hates the buggy.

I don't mind being lonely as I know I will be starting work soon. It's only my Son I worry about. He spends most of his days alone. Watching tv, reading, playing with toys. He looks so so lonely and bored. I cannot relax as I just feel so guilty and upset watching him. He gets SO excited for school and doesn't want to leave.

It's heartbreaking. My friends say he isn't that lonely. He has me and although I struggle to actively play with him, I'm still interacting with him. We chat when I'm cooking etc. They also said don't worry, once you start work and he starts school you will feel differently.

I had an awful childhood. I was completely isolated and I don't want my Son to be like that. I can't even enjoy him as I worry constantly he's bored/lonely and the overwhelming fear I'm not playing with him enough and he will be psychologically damaged.

AIBU to feel this way? The worry is horrendous and ruining my well being.

I think I also need structure to my day which work will give me.

And to move out of this awful area I'm currently in.

You do sound depressed and your isolation won't help that. See your GP again and don't be fobbed off.

Your DS sounds like he has the perfect life. Lots of time with other children and a loving mum around who he doesn't have to share with anyone - great for him, not so great for you! It sounds as if you may be projecting your own feelings of loneliness onto him.

Could you try visiting a local church/mosque/temple/whatever that has family services? You are pretty sure of a warm welcome there and there will be adults for you to talk to after the service as well as other children for your son. You don't have to be a believer, just an interested visitor. I had no religious affiliations when my DC were little but attending a weekly service got me out of the house on a Sunday. That stopped me going stir crazy!

I'm in Northumberland too like @scoobygang7, also happy for a meet up at a softplay, park, or museum (maybe in Newcastle?). My youngest DS is 3.6yo.

"I think I also need structure to my day which work will give me."

I know you have said that you will be starting a new job full time once your son start's school, but do you do anything at the moment?
Hard if your son is only at nursery for three hours a day, but perhaps a temporary part-time post, some voluntary work or even asking your (soon-to-be) employers for some induction sessions.

"And to move out of this awful area I'm currently in."

Are you renting privately at the moment? If so, perhaps you should look for something else straight away (albeit that you might be looking for a temporary let).

I also think you are projecting. Your son has plenty going on.

A bit of tv isn't the end of the world. Try setting a timer for 10 minutes of play, and focus on that for the whole 10 minutes. Then let him have 50 minutes of to/pottering about. Then another ten minutes etc.

Have you tried groups for single parents specifically, it might be easier to make friends there, especially to make weekend plans when you can feel everyone else is out as a family so you don't ask?

I also think it is okay to befriend your neighbour and then be moved away- you aren't marrying them, some friendships are temporary, that's ok.

It makes me so sad that there are lots of people in the same boat - why isn't it more normal for people to live together as flatmates with their kids?

FWIW I think your son has a lovely life, plenty of socialisation, great mum.

Your sons life sounds like a lot of you g childrens lives nursery soft play park nursery soft play park..... your son is 3 they want attention all the time at 3 doesn't mean he is lonelyhe also doesn't need amused every waking moment either you need to cut yourself some slack.

I'm going back to work next year because honest-to-god, the thing I hate the most about SAHMing, the literally worst thing, is the loneliness. I can go days without interacting with another adult and it is absolutely mind-altering. You can read about socially deprived animals who start chewing off their own fur, which I now understand, and how when they're brought back into society they don't know how to act properly anymore. It is a mess.

Same situation - my family are utterly disinterested, many have emigrated, my friends emigrated, I talk to people a bit at baby groups but gave that up years ago. There's no big family get-togethers, no family dinners with Gran, no cousins, no one popping in, no one to get coffee with.

It should seriously come with a health warning. It MESSES you up.

OK, so, tip. Try and do something literally just for you while your kid's at nursery. I took art, yoga, choir and a bunch of other stuff to remind myself that I am ME and I have interests. I know if you're in a rural/dull area that can be tough. Online learning can also be worthwhile. Doesn't have to be academic. I'm learning to dance.

Try and hang in there. Work will come soon.

Your son's fine. The days of kids all playing out in the local woods or in the street together are long gone anyway. You have to be mega rich to afford that kind of quiet street. For the rest of us, our kids have to be kept in doors or we get eviction notices or busybodies telling us what shit parents we are.

I'm going back to work next year because honest-to-god, the thing I hate the most about SAHMing, the literally worst thing, is the loneliness. I can go days without interacting with another adult and it is absolutely mind-altering. You can read about socially deprived animals who start chewing off their own fur, which I now understand, and how when they're brought back into society they don't know how to act properly anymore. It is a mess.

Same situation - my family are utterly disinterested, many have emigrated, my friends emigrated, I talk to people a bit at baby groups but gave that up years ago. There's no big family get-togethers, no family dinners with Gran, no cousins, no one popping in, no one to get coffee with.

It should seriously come with a health warning. It MESSES you up.

OK, so, tip. Try and do something literally just for you while your kid's at nursery. I took art, yoga, choir and a bunch of other stuff to remind myself that I am ME and I have interests. I know if you're in a rural/dull area that can be tough. Online learning can also be worthwhile. Doesn't have to be academic. I'm learning to dance.

Try and hang in there. Work will come soon.

Your son's fine. The days of kids all playing out in the local woods or in the street together are long gone anyway. You have to be mega rich to afford that kind of quiet street. For the rest of us, our kids have to be kept in doors or we get eviction notices or busybodies telling us what shit parents we are.