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AIBU?

To think there's no point offering to take me for dinner

62 replies

lottieandmia · 09/07/2017 11:40

It's my birthday next weekend and my mum said to me that she wants to take me out for dinner to a place of my choice (her words)

However, on closer inspection it seems she isn't willing to go anywhere that isn't a carvery. Carvery is fine but I was thinking I'd rather go somewhere you don't have to queue up for food (as I have AS and I don't like crowds).

TBH I think it would have been better for her to just not offer in the first place. AIBU?

OP posts:

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Trills · 09/07/2017 13:12

I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this - I can see how your AS will mean that your mother's selfishness and unthoughtfulness will affect you more than it might affect another person.

Joffmognum · 09/07/2017 13:20

If she wants cheap and you want quiet, what about a takeaway? They're often very bad for you but carverys aren't great either.

I'd stand my ground if i were you. My partner hates crowds so much he had to sit in the corner for 10 minutes yesterday in a busy ikea. A carvery would ruin his day.

SheSaidHeSaid · 09/07/2017 13:21

Is rather not go out for dinner then have a carvery.

How odd that your mum is so specific when it's apparently your choice.

Aeroflotgirl · 09/07/2017 13:25

Not really a gift all, how rude of her. I would decline her.

Gingerandgivingzerofucks · 09/07/2017 13:45

My mum is the same, she visits, tells me it's her treat then refuses to go anywhere but one of three cheapo places (she's well off). Maybe tell her where you'd like to go then if she insists on a carvery, politely tell her you'd rather not go and why. Surely she understands the issue given she's your mum?

lottieandmia · 09/07/2017 13:49

She isn't good at understanding my limitations. She constantly criticises me for (basically) not being NT.

OP posts:

ConstanceCraving · 09/07/2017 13:53

Have you suggested somewhere else and that you don't want a carvery? I don't blame you for not wanting one either. Grim places.

BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 09/07/2017 13:55

It's a shame her birthday gift comes with conditions. I've never had a carvery that does roast spuds better than dhs tbh so I'd prefer to have a roast at home than a carvery. Hopefully you can come to a compromise with her.

Freyanna · 09/07/2017 14:26

Do you like Afternoon Tea? I used to do this with my mum, they often have great deals on Groupon etc at lovely places.

VladmirsPoutine · 09/07/2017 14:39

How so very dramatic over nothing.

Allthewaves · 09/07/2017 14:57

Try somewhere woth a set menu or perhaps set lunch menu

lottieandmia · 09/07/2017 15:10

Stop clicking on my thread then Vlad.

OP posts:

TeaCake5 · 09/07/2017 15:12

Yabu. Carvary places are common.

ConstanceCraving · 09/07/2017 15:13

Have you mentioned that you don't want a carvery?

I don't think Vlad is wrong tbh. Surely it's just a case of telling your mum that you don't want a carvery but would like somewhere else.

Aeroflotgirl · 09/07/2017 15:13

If she;s very critical of your disabilities, I would distance yourself a bit from her. She's not going to accommodate it, and its her way or no way. Thank no thanks then!

lottieandmia · 09/07/2017 15:13

Originally I was going to go somewhere with my dds for dinner which I (obviously) was going to pay for. My mum then said I'll take you for dinner and you choose where to go.

I think I will just stick to the original arrangement. She does this kind of thing all the time.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 09/07/2017 15:14

I am not keen on Carvery, I find it very bland and boring tbh, if I go out, I would rather have something I don't normally cook.

Crispbutty · 09/07/2017 15:14

If it's a Toby they do normal menu as well as carvery. Let your mum get the food she likes and you can order something you like. The menu is online so you can check if there is anything you like.

Aeroflotgirl · 09/07/2017 15:15

Lower your expectations of her, and go with your original plans. I would not dream of doing such a thing to my dd 10 who has ASD. She got to choose where she wanted to go for her birthday and what she wanted to do.

kittybiscuits · 09/07/2017 15:15

Leaving aside the AS issue, she said your choice, and now it isn't.

lottieandmia · 09/07/2017 15:15

She wouldn't go to a Toby in any case.

I was really just asking whether other people's families do this stuff or if it's just mine.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 09/07/2017 15:17

Why would she not go to a Toby, too expensive

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lottieandmia · 09/07/2017 15:19

She doesn't like it. There is only one carvery she will go to which she and my dad go to all the time and the food is nice there but it's always full of people pushing and shoving which I can't stand. It just heightens my anxiety.

OP posts:

Fortnum · 09/07/2017 15:21

Cant stand carvery - its like eating roast in a canteen and is never as good as home made.

Sirzy · 09/07/2017 15:21

Can you tell her "we are going to x, you are welcome to join us and we will all pay for ourselves"

That way if it's a money thing so won't have as much to spend but it still gives her the chance to spend the time with you (assuming you actually want to go out with her of course!)

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