Competitive and smug or just proud

[minionsarecute]

I absolutely love this work colleague who works with me.

He was told he'd never amount to anything. He had to re-do his GCSE's twice. He failed University twice. Even on his third attempt he was the victim of two crimes, became seriously ill and nearly had to drop out. He was working two jobs trying to pay his tuition fees. He couldn't afford to rent in the city so he had to rent far out and commute 4 hours a day to his training placement.

He always said to me it was his dream to work at our company. When he qualified he failed the interview for a position. He failed 14 interviews over a year and when he came to us for a 15th interview I honestly don't know how he got the strength to even interview but he was completely in control and did brilliantly.

The problem now is that, now he's got the job he's so enthusiastic and very proud of his achievements that people have (in my opinion mistakenly) accused him of being arrogant and competitive. He does discuss how hard he had to fight to get the position and how happy he is to be working for our company but for those who are in lesser paid jobs, or working in a less prestigious company (the office space is shared by companies) they can feel they he's overly competitive and deliberately putting down their achievements.

To me he's a lovely young man (sound so old saying that), but it's true. If I had had every conceivable obstacle put in my way and overcome it all I would be singing from the rooftops too!

So do you think talking about how much you've achieved is a bad thing? As long as you're not self obsessed and talk about other things aswell. To me I see someone who is happy to have got where they have, but that doesn't mean he looks down on those that haven't achieved as much. It only seems to be an issue for colleagues He's an incredibly good worker, just not good at interviews. who are in lower paid job.

I suppose because I'm in the same field I see things differently.

Gosh- I'm amazed that a company would keep interviewing someone through 14 failed attempts!

He only interviewed twice with us.

There's a fine line between being pleased and excited and telling people how pleased you are and being arrogant and smug. If several people independently are telling you/him that he's crossed it, he probably has.

I think the way I'd put it, is I can remember two conversations I had with people where they were talking about an audition for their dd that they'd both got through. For context my dd didn't get through the audition (but didn't expect to)
One said: She was so determined to give it her best and I knew that she'd done well because she came out happy. I'm so glad that her hard work paid off.
Other said: She is exceptional really and I knew that she had the character totally right, so I knew she'd get it.

The first came across and excited and pleased, the second came across as arrogant, although in a lot of ways they were saying similar things.

It also can be irritating if someone bangs on about the same thing. So if he's been at the company a short time and is irritating people then he's talking about it too much.

It also won't help him, as if he's coming across that way people will be more inclined to be straight talking when he messes up. Partially because they'll feel like knocking him down, but also partially because it will feel like pussy footing round issues won't get through to him.

It might be the wrong attitude, but if I knew someone had failed different courses multiple times, and had that many failed interview attempts, I would be very very wary about their ability to actually competantly do their job, and them talking about how amazing they are would grate. If they were my colleague amd useless, chances are I and others would have to pick up the slack.

I think people from his life, friends and family, should be really happy for him, you fall into this category. However, people he has just met as colleagues will not see the hard times and empathise with him, celebrating the happy ending. Telling people so much of his backstory on first meeting is hugely inappropriate, how are they meant to respond? It puts people in an awkward position where they are forced to be intimate with their life details in return or congratulate him. He might also be talking about himself a lot.

There is this strange short cut in bad films/books where they stick a backstory on a character to try and force the audience to like them, without making them likeable in any way. In real life we know that bad things don't just happen to good people, and it feels emotionally manipulative to be told how you should feel about someone, this is what he is doing implying everyone should feel proud of him.

I think it is this presumption of their close feelings towards him and his life story that is making people think he is arrogant.

I'm saddened to read many posts assuming that failed interviews means cant do the job.
Utter rubbish.... competency based recruitment, for example, is notorious for hiring mistakes these days.
Lack of confidence, repeated rejection = crap at job? Wow.

OP just encourage him to tone it down a little...for his own professional reputation..

It wasn't a case of repeated rejection=crap at job. The op read, to me, as though the 14 failed interviews had been for the same company which would've been very unusual.