Competitive and smug or just proud

[minionsarecute]

I absolutely love this work colleague who works with me.

He was told he'd never amount to anything. He had to re-do his GCSE's twice. He failed University twice. Even on his third attempt he was the victim of two crimes, became seriously ill and nearly had to drop out. He was working two jobs trying to pay his tuition fees. He couldn't afford to rent in the city so he had to rent far out and commute 4 hours a day to his training placement.

He always said to me it was his dream to work at our company. When he qualified he failed the interview for a position. He failed 14 interviews over a year and when he came to us for a 15th interview I honestly don't know how he got the strength to even interview but he was completely in control and did brilliantly.

The problem now is that, now he's got the job he's so enthusiastic and very proud of his achievements that people have (in my opinion mistakenly) accused him of being arrogant and competitive. He does discuss how hard he had to fight to get the position and how happy he is to be working for our company but for those who are in lesser paid jobs, or working in a less prestigious company (the office space is shared by companies) they can feel they he's overly competitive and deliberately putting down their achievements.

To me he's a lovely young man (sound so old saying that), but it's true. If I had had every conceivable obstacle put in my way and overcome it all I would be singing from the rooftops too!

So do you think talking about how much you've achieved is a bad thing? As long as you're not self obsessed and talk about other things aswell. To me I see someone who is happy to have got where they have, but that doesn't mean he looks down on those that haven't achieved as much. It only seems to be an issue for colleagues He's an incredibly good worker, just not good at interviews. who are in lower paid job.

I suppose because I'm in the same field I see things differently.

There is a difference in proud of achievements and going on about them all the time.

I dont think anyone should lack confidence. But i also think if you want to bang on about the same thing, cibstantly mention how far you have come, yiu need accept people dont want to keep hearing it.

If he is so important to you, you eould relaise that actually getting on with colleagues is important to your career. He can still be proud and still tone it down. .
We all have to adjust ourseleves slightly ay work dependinf on who we are interacting with.

I am suspecting yiu dont work with this person before. You seem to be gushinf an awful lot about is right to be how he is and everyone must like him for it.

It's not really the 'British' way to beat your own drum.

At least I don't think it is...it's certainly not the Australian way!

The novelty will probably wear off soon enough.

Were all the interviews for the same company? I'd be quite surprised they would allow that if he was on the system for failing so many times.

Oh bless him, he sounds enthusiastic. Don't rain on his parade, some of the replies here are very harsh and unfeeling. Mabey have a little word to him, about toning it down in the office.

So you knew and liked him socially before he got what is his dream job. Others in the company don't seem so keen. There really is no law that says they have to like him. They don't know, and neither do they need to care, about his back story. They are basing their judgement on how he comes across and that is not positive. You seem overinvested in him as a colleague. Time to step back a bit, I think.

He has social blindspots probably. You find it endearing, others find it annoying. I would hazard a guess that it is some social attributes that have affected his interview success. Which may mean you are in a minority. All understandable if he did not have good early care from his parents. Make sure you are being a realistic mentor as well as an encouraging one, and help him work through any conflicts arising with other team members or customers. And the persistence that he has developed is a huge asset, but in some situations it could come across as something else.

There could be any number of sorry stories behind his colleagues' successes, yet everyone knows the minutiae of his rise to, well, getting a job.

That sort of self-congratulation can get very tiresome when you're stuck with someone for 8 hours a day. It's no wonder he's not gaining huge popularity. Could you kindly have a word with him, to remind him that everyone now knows his story and that they just want him to get his head down and produce good work?

Also if he is over sharing all this detail of his life story with all his colleague, when does he did time to do his actual job?

He needs to learn 'don't tell, show'. I used to work with someone who would tell is how brilliant they were at their job. They were so good they could train others, they could do xy AND z in the time everyone else could do x and y, they worked SO SO SOOOOOOOO hard etc etc unfortunately there was no evidence of this..... imagine the incredulity when they were put on performance management and later sacked for still not performing.....

He's been on the job a few weeks but he trained for years and was managed by you? I hope not it's not practicing medicine and it's law.

I don't think he's over sharing. The OP is saying because others don't know his story, he's coming across as one way. But if they knew his back story, she believes they'd view him as she does.

We've all got a story to tell. We've all been through shit. Had our failures and successes.

How old is he?! He's spent at least 9 years at uni and at least an extra two years doing GCSEs?

What does his age matter. Its never too late to turn your life around.

Im sure Elton John was I'm his 40s until before he became famous and look at him now

It doesn't matter how old he is, just from OP's explanation of what he's done to get there I was just wondering how long it took him.

Indiana, he might not have spent 9 years at uni. He might just have had to repeat the same year a few times, rather than the whole degree.

I know, I was just curious as to how long he'd actually spent re-doing all this stuff.

Which is why I asked!

He sounds like a pain in the arse, and you sound overinvested in him. It's not your job to wave the pom-poms and get people to love him like you do. You sound a bit creepy about your relationship with him actually.

Popfax: Elton John was twenty three when Your Song first charted. I know he's an 'institution' but the poor sod's not nearly ninety...

I think it's fantastic that he's achieved what he has - good for him. But he's only been in the job a few weeks. As a mentor you're in a good position to explain, gently, that talking incessantly (and at a level of emotional detail that might be awkward in an office environment) about personal background when it's not strictly relevant isn't very professional. Fantastic when it's used to encourage and support colleagues or interns who might be facing similar challenges, though.

Some folk just love turning positive stories negative this guy has determination that is for sure now collegues think he should just shush

I'm obviously thinking of a different artist Becky.

That's not very nice, MidniteScribbler. Was there any need for that nasty comment?

<strong>minionsarecute</strong>, your colleague sounds very pleased with himself and how far he's come -and rightly so from the way you've described his progress.  But there comes a time when you need to be a bit more circumspect about how you're coming across to others and, most people work to live rather than the other way around.  If he loves his job then that's a bonus (for <span class="italic">him</span>) but he needs to fit in with other colleagues too and perhaps he needs to listen to others more now rather than regaling them with his 'love for the company' because it can grate.

He's lucky to have you in his corner though, you sound lovely. :)

Gosh- I'm amazed that a company would keep interviewing someone through 14 failed attempts!

Good for him if he's genuinely had this much shit in his life and is now proud of his achievement. But clearly he's not getting it right with colleagues if they're finding him smug and annoying. It's not just one person, it's a general perception among colleagues so it's him not them. And I agree with others that you sound way too over invested if you're assuming it's everyone else getting him wrong rather than him. I've trained people and mentored people in work, some of whom I feel personally a lot of respect for because I know personal difficulties they've overcome but I've never felt invested to the extreme you do.
The kindest thing you can do is to gently point out that he mustn't keep blowing his own trumpet because it's detrimental to morale and good working relationships. Fair enough to tell the story once. More than that is overkill.

He sounds amazing and it's right that he is proud of himself, and that the people close to him should be proud of him too.

I'm just stunned that he has shared this story openly and often with work colleagues.

I think, had some of the facts come out over time, in a relevant conversation or with context, people would have been impressed.

As it is, he needs to simmer down because it's obviously got to the point of annoying people - possibly because he's being smug, possibly because other people have dealt with tough circumstances too.